Draco: Alright We Need To Get Through This Locked Door! Harry Give Me Your Credit Card.

So are we going to talk about that for Max, independence day will always be the day when she cried over her brother's dead body? And how those children are young to have this shit instead of national holiday? I just-

the novelty doesn't wear off

Harry: I can't believe it

Harry: I honest to god can not believe this is happening to me

Harry: I kissed you; we're HUGGING

Harry: I am fucking HUGGING Draco MALFOY

Harry: and you kissED ME ON THE CHEEK

Harry: i'm dead, i'm gone, this is too much

Draco: Harry we've been married for seven years what the fuck

Harry: and we're MARRIED

In a language class

Teacher: Ask some questions like "where are you going?"

Person A: *In common language* hey b where are you going?

Person B: *without looking up* Hell.

El:bitchin

Billy:can I keep her?

Heh.

Marvel References

Peter:ʷʰʸ ᵈᵒᵉˢ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵇᵒᵈʸ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ᴹʳ. ᴸᵒᵏᶦ ᴵ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ ʰᵉ’ˢ ᶜᵒᵒˡ

Tony:he tried to kill everyone.

Peter:*stabs Tony with a plastic spoon* ᴵ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵗʳᶦᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵏᶦˡˡ ʸᵒᵘ. ᴰᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ᵐᵉ ⁿᵒʷ?

Tony:Kid I-

Peter:ᵈᴵˢᶜᴿᴵᴹᴵᴺᴬᵀᴵᴼᴺ

but then i saw you

Draco: *subconsciously licks his finger to wipe some dirt off Harry’s face*

Harry: What are you doing?

Draco: Did I just…

Draco: Oh, god. I’m my mother. This is horrible.

Draco: And I’ve been trying so hard not to be my father.

Draco: I did not see this coming.

Harry: ugh I hardly slept last night

Hermione: you know when you can’t sleep it means someone is thinking about you

Harry: who the hell is thinking about me at 2 am???

Draco: [sweats nervously]

@dreamerkx2 don’t you say that’s not me

Draco, monologuing: I am evil, I am darkness, people should quake at my presence. No human being could come close to the amount of evil in my sou-

Pansy: Oh look, a cat!

Draco, already squatting down to call it: Ooh Kitty! come kitty. You are just adorable, little kitty cat. Who’s adorable? You are! Oh yes you are! Awww, I just love you, oh yes I do, yes I do…

(Bonus if Harry is hiding behind the invincibility cloak having a heart attack.)