Latest Posts by secov1 - Page 6
Draco: When you said you did magic in bed, this isn't what I was expe-
Harry [holding up 9 of clubs]: Is this your card?
Draco [softly]: Holy shit
richie: when you said you did magic in bed this isn’t what i-
eddie, holding up the 8 of spades: is this your card?
richie [softly]: holy shit
*loud footsteps approaching*
richie, entering with light up sneakers: i got new shoes
draco & harry: [fighting and swinging at each other behind the counter]
ron: can i get a waffle... can i please get a waffle...
Harry: hello
Narcissa: oh mr. Potter your eyes really looks like emeralds
Harry: ...
Draco: mama!
Narcissa: yeah, Draco was right, your shape of eyebrows looks perfect
Draco: maAaaAAama
Modern Harry Potter
"Today we are going to learn Lumos"
"Wtf why we like have flashlight on our phones"
uncle vernon: you know what? that’s it. you’re in time out. get on top of the fridge!
harry, while climbing on top of the fridge: this house is a fuCKING NIGHTMARE
harry: *gets hurt*
draco: this is so sad alexa play despacito
Gregory: So I'm dating a muggle
Draco *appaled*: A muggle!??
Harry *clears his throat*:
Draco: Oh a muggle! Yay!
Dudley: who's Cedric? your boyfriend?
Draco jumping out of the bushes: no you asshole im his boyfriend
Harry: ...
dursleys: you can't go to wizard school!!
harry, leaving with hagrid: actually, i'm 11, so shut the fuck up
Draco: At least I’m going to die doing something that I love.
Harry: And that is?
Draco: Dying.
Draco [walks into room]: Sorry I was late, I was... doing things.
Harry [enters the room, noticeably dishevelled]: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS
“I think you’re perfect”
Marvel References
tony: who the fuck are you?
deadpool: who the fuck are YOU?
tony: the owner of the couch you’re sitting on.
deadpool: [relaxes] OH. you’re one of peter’s gay dads. hi. it’s britney bitch
Or
tony: Who the fuck are you?
deadpool: I’m Batman
Or
Tony: who the fuck are you?
Deadpool: who the fuck are YOU?
Drax: WHY the fuck are you?
Marvel References
Peter:ʷʰʸ ᵈᵒᵉˢ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵇᵒᵈʸ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ᴹʳ. ᴸᵒᵏᶦ ᴵ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵏ ʰᵉ’ˢ ᶜᵒᵒˡ
Tony:he tried to kill everyone.
Peter:*stabs Tony with a plastic spoon* ᴵ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵗʳᶦᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵏᶦˡˡ ʸᵒᵘ. ᴰᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ᵐᵉ ⁿᵒʷ?
Tony:Kid I-
Peter:ᵈᴵˢᶜᴿᴵᴹᴵᴺᴬᵀᴵᴼᴺ
Harry: I’m not getting into anymore more stupid debates with you.
Draco: Water is not wet.
Harry: How the fuck is water not wet it’s water-
Harry: Where are you going?
Draco: Depends.
Draco: Like when I die, probably to hell.
Draco: But for now I’m going to the bathroom.
Draco: *subconsciously licks his finger to wipe some dirt off Harry’s face*
Harry: What are you doing?
Draco: Did I just…
Draco: Oh, god. I’m my mother. This is horrible.
Draco: And I’ve been trying so hard not to be my father.
Draco: I did not see this coming.
Person A: when I was born the gods said "he's too perfect for this world"
Person B: oh please, when you were born satan said "finally competition"
Draco: aren’t stars amazing?
Harry: you’re the prettiest star.
Draco: what did you say?
Harry: I SAID I WANT TO HIT YOU WITH A CAR!
Avengers Infinity War
Person A: B, I will support every decision you’ll make
Person B: So can I murder-
Person A: I will support every decision you’ll make - except that one
Draco: i’d fuck you, no homo
Harry: we’re married
Draco: what do you call it when someone tries to kill you?
Harry: tuesday.
Person A: I love you
Person B: I love you too
Person A: *slams his hand on the table* I love you more
Person A: Wake up B! We’re going on an adventure!
Person B: It’s 4 am please shut the fuck up and go back to sleep
In a language class
Teacher: Ask some questions like "where are you going?"
Person A: *In common language* hey b where are you going?
Person B: *without looking up* Hell.
Person A: so, how’s the prettiest person in the world doing?
Person B: *barely spares A a glance*
Person B: *casually* i don’t know. how are you?
Person A:
Person A: *voice cracks* i’m fine
Ravenclaw: Will you ever stop with the ‘I want to die’ crap?
Slytherin: I’ll stop when I’m dead, that’s for sure.