An Intro
An Intro
Hello, friends!
I initially planned for my first post to be an introduction to my life. However, something has changed the course of my fitness journey, a major part of my life, for the time being and, as such, has altered my mental health journey, too.
Here’s what’s up: I have mono. No biggie, really, except that means I can’t exercise like at all for at least one month. Also no biggie, right?
Well, it wouldn’t be except for the fact that I genuinely struggle when it comes to physical fitness. I’m a Type A and an ENTJ, which means I don’t know how to rest. Period. I go hard. I get results. I push myself to be the best. Consequentially, I’ve hit rock bottom several times, both mentally and physically. I’ve had eating disorders in the past and am currently getting over a binge eating disorder/unhealthy relationship with exercise. I also have issues with depression and anxiety, to put it lightly. Since I started college, I used exercise as a way to increase my self-worth---terrible, terrible idea. I tried to convince myself I was doing it to better myself, and to some extent, I was. Mostly, though, I started lifting because I wanted to show my dedication to the gym, to not be ashamed when parts of me jiggled a little when I walked, to not want to avoid social interaction for the fear of being called the “fat friend.” (Sidenote: I realize I’m not fat. I’m proud of my big thighs and big booty because I worked my ass on.)
But I digress.
The comparison game has been torturing me---stress weight, stomach ulcers, major depression, horrible anxiety... the list goes on. This mono hit at the right time, honestly. I seriously broke down when I realized I couldn’t work as hard in the gym as I’d like. See that? That self-worth-depends-only-on-gym-results BS? Yeah. That’s been killing me for years. And I’m sick of it.
Since I can’t lift weights, I’m completely adapting my fitness regimen and learning to love myself right now. In the grand scheme of things, no one gives a flying frick that I don’t look like a Gymshark model. So what if my exercise is walking thirty to forty-five minutes around downtown every other day? I might throw in a light bodyweight workout if I have the energy.
I’m learning to eat intuitively, despite the fact so many girls who lift swear by tracking macros. My history of eating disorders makes this so much harder than it should be (heck, I eat 85% paleo, even when it comes to desserts). But, you know what? I’m a quarter of the way through my life right now. I’m tired of being afraid of eating certain foods. I’m tired of not being able to go out with friends to eat because I don’t know the macros for the items on the menu.
I’m learning to eliminate everything that increases my tendencies to become depressed or anxious---that means following things on Instagram that motivate me to be healthy, not to look healthy. I’m going to start training for a half-marathon when I get better and use weight training to supplement that for strength.
In short, I’m learning to live. To not set such rigid standards for myself (as freaking difficult as it is). To not give a flying frick about what other people think of me. To not let food or the gym interrupt making memories with my friends. To realize my self worth lies in my talent, ambition, kindness, and humor.
Who would’ve thought a virus saved my life?
More Posts from Ship-happenss and Others
becoming vegan because factory farming is unethical is like deciding that since walmart and amazon mistreat their employees you are now going to get everything you need out of dumpsters
I love the overlap of science disciplines (coincidentally my two favorite ones)
City lights photographed from the International Space Station and Neurons imaged with fluorescence microscopy.
Source images; Cities (1) (2) (3) (4) (5), Neurons (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Let us not forget the horrific tragedy that befell our country that day and the innocent lives that were lost. Let us not embolden our enemy by allowing us to live in despair. Let us prove that we are still the beacon of hope and liberty in the world that they envy and seek to destroy. Let us not forget those that have sacrificed their lives to ensure those freedoms. We are Americans. We will not tremble. We only overcome.
What the MBTI types remind me of
ISFJ: Newbaked cookies.
ESFJ: The sunshine warming my cheek.
ISFP: Playing guitar on the grass in a little park.
ESFP: Long nights filled with laughter and dance.
ISTP: Motorcycles. (Vroom vroom)
ESTP: Skydiving and mountain climbing.
ISTJ: Notebooks filled with structured, aesthetic writing.
ESTJ: A tidy office in a fancy New York office building.
INFJ: Old vintage clocks ticking slowly and quietly.
ENFJ: Watching the sunset wrapped in a cozy blanket.
INFP: The scent of freshly baked cinnamon buns.
ENFP: Waking up in a new apartment, ready for the first day at my new job.
INTP: Sleepless nights working simply to gain knowledge.
ENTP: The feeling of winning a fact based argument.
INTJ: Focusing hard whilst playing a game of chess.
ENTJ: Getting into a taxi headed for work, checking the time impatiently.
do you ever have like a breakdown but your logical brain is still active just thinking “ok this is annoying can we wrap this up so we can go back to bottling these feelings and like going to work or whatever” lol
MBTI Types: Love/Appreciation for...
INTP: How genuinely curious you are about the world–your unquenchable thirst to learn.
ENTP: How quick-witted and original you are, how you’re always challenging ideas and concepts.
INTJ: How intelligent yet objective you are, how you’re always trying to see things from multiple and new perspectives.
ENTJ: How strong-willed and passionate you are about your work and your future goals.
ESTJ: How confident you are with yourselves, and how reliant you are no matter what problem arises.
ISTJ: How dutiful, committed, and responsible you are no matter the obligation.
ESTP: How bold and spontaneous you are, how you’re always pushing boundaries and trying to live life to its fullest.
ISTP: How flexible yet relaxed you are, how you can just “go with the flow” and see where life takes you.
INFJ: How insightful and trustworthy you are, how amazing you are at listening.
INFP: How open-minded and optimistic you are, how you always see the good in everyone.
ENFP: How beautiful your mind is, how you’re a true dreamer and have the most amazing ideas.
ENFJ: How wise and charismatic you are, and your unsurpassable capacity to love.
ESFJ: How fun and generous you are, how you always want everyone to have the best time.
ESFP: How entertaining and lively you are, life is never boring around you.
ISFJ: How loyal and caring you are, how willing you are to help your friends.
ISFP: How warm and supportive you are, how sensitive you are to others’ emotions.
Tea and a good book
Cozy afternoon 🍁
A Summary of the Hogwarts Houses & space aesthetic (x)
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ship-happenss reblogged this · 7 years ago
