Latest Posts by sinkittn - Page 8

You guys!! I’m so happy to announce this! THE PURPLE ENDURANCE BRA FROM @kiavaclothing IS ON SALE! 30% OFF! 😱😱😱 that makes it under $25! This is the most amazing bra I’ve ever worn! It supports my DDDs, is great for high impact, inversions, yoga, pole, and every day wear! I wear an XL, though I may start have to ordering larges since my back is getting smaller. GO BUY ONE IF YOU WANT YOUR BOOBS TO BE HAPPY! The promo code is: PURPLE1 💥💥💥www.kiavaclothing.com @kiavaclothing #kiavaclothing #kiava #yoga #yogi #yogagirl #yogalife #yogaeverydamnday #workoutclothes #workout #exercise

having body hair annoys me but removing body hair also annoys me and also life, life annoys me

You need to marry someone you'd still be down to fuck real quick in the laundry room while the kids are watching 'The Lion King' downstairs and there's only ten minutes left on the timer till you need to take the dinosaur nuggets out the oven.

It is 97 degrees outside...

and raining, with pea sized hail...

wtf, Texas. Stopit!

Cize W1D1

So, I love ShaunT and his enthusiasm. The way he breaks all the steps down and the various dancing is just great.. but...

I am so uncoordinated. Why did I think this was a good idea? :\

I’m the type of girlfriend that loves clingy. You can’t sleep at 3 am, maybe 4? That’s okay, call me. I don’t mind if you wake me up. You’re never annoying to me, no matter how many times you call or text me. I love it. I love that you care so much.

It’s 97 here... I’m jealous of the cooler weather.

SOS SEND HELP

If dudes are expected to have a lot of sex

But ladies are expected to stay virgins until marriage

But homosexuality is bad

I’m really confused who dudes are supposed to be having all that sex with

Best of Autocorrect

word-vomit on depression and seeking treatment for it:

I was asked about seeking treatment for depression.  I don’t want to out anyone or share somebody else’s story, so I replied privately.  Here’s what I told them, just in case anyone else is thinking of asking but not sure how:

I would definitely recommend therapy as a first step.  Finding someone that you can talk to who is IMPARTIAL and TRAINED is really freaking great BUT - you’ve gotta find someone you can click with.  I have spoken to a handful of therapists over the years and in my experience when you walk out of the office of a good therapist, you feel 10,000x better than you did when you walked in.  Conversely, I left the office of a bad therapist (she might not have been bad at her job, but she was bad for ME) and basically cried for the next hour.

SO!  Finding a therapist (I’ma walk you through all the steps I took to get my mental health on track, bear with me)!  I’m going to assume that you are over 18, so you can go looking for health things on your own.  Look in your local area for free clinics/places that refer.  Most areas with a semi-decent population will have some sort of free mental health clinic or at least a good starting off point for you.  When you find one, be specific about who you are and what you’re looking for in a therapist.  I said that I wanted a woman, someone who was used to talking to people about LGBT issues, etc.  The first couple of meetings are odd because you’re telling all these personal things to a STRANGER but luckily (hah!) for me, I tend to be word-vomity when nervous and therapy is the IDEAL PLACE for word-vomit, so that worked out well.  You should never feel 1) pressured, 2) judged, 3) patronized by, or 4) UNCOMFORTABLE with your therapist.  If you experience ANY of those things with a person, then don’t see them again.  Just don’t.  This is about YOU and YOUR health.

As far as having a parent who is potentially in denial about their child’s mental wellbeing goes?  OH HONEY, LET ME HUG YOU!  IDK if you’ve seen my other depression posts but yeah, I FEEL YOU.  Here’s the thing though: your parent will never be able to remove themself from the situation (ie: BEING YOUR PARENT) enough to judge this accurately.  There’s a massive conflict of interest there.  There’s also the fact that no parent WANTS their child to be depressed.  People who know what depression is want it even LESS.  Do not let their opinion stand in the way of you seeking answers FOR yourself ABOUT yourself.  This is your body, your brain, and YOUR LIFE.  You’re the one who’s living it.  YOU DO YOU.

Finally, the big thing everybody talks about: medication.  Not everyone needs it.  Not everyone goes on it.  Currently, I need it to remain functional and healthy.  You may not need it at all, it’s really up to you (and your doctor).  You will, obviously, need a diagnosis before you get medication.  You can either go to your GP, or - if you go to a clinic - there will likely be someone on staff in the same building as the therapist who can prescribe meds.

Personally, when I started on my treatment, I went in this order: 1) GP for basic prescription of antidepressants, 2) referral to free clinic, 3) therapy, 4) started seeing a psych nurse at the clinic to deal with my meds, 5) continued with therapy for over a year - basically until I moved away from the area.

The reason I went in that order is because I was suicidal.  I had plans, I was actively thinking about it every day, and I finally got to a point where I realized that was either going to get help or I was going to die.  As you can see, I went for help.  I do not recommend the MEDS FIRST route to ANYONE, but I was desperate, and I needed to feel like I was doing SOMETHING while I got all the therapy shit together so I could talk shit out.

For me, one of the best things therapy did was it detached my depression from my daily thought processes, so instead of going “you didn’t do that assignment, which was bad, and you did a bad thing because you are fundamentally a bad person, and because you are a bad person you deserve to feel awful and be treated like shit” I was finally able to sort out ME from my ILLNESS.  All of the negative feelings that I had always attributed to being a shitty person who sucked at life and deserved all the bad things were/are actually my depression.  Think of depression as being like a big sticky ball of taffy that floats somewhere over your left shoulder.  A bad day, a mistake, anxiety, all of the things you don’t like about yourself: depression latches onto that and feeds it.  Therapy can cut those cords.  I’m not saying it’ll cure your depression, but MAN is it a lot easier to ignore that freaking ball of taffy when it’s just floating there and not actually wrapping itself around you.

Gee, can you tell from my overuse of analogies that I was an English major?

ANYWAYS, sorry if this wasn’t helpful.  Please let me know if there’s anything I haven’t addressed or answered that you’re curious about!   TL;DR

1.  Look up free clinics in your local area.  Focus on ones that offer counseling as well as medication if possible.  Consider going through your GP, if you have one, for a referral.

2.  Finding a therapist/counselor - it might take a while but it’s worth it.  If you’ve ben bullied or abused then it will DEFINITELY be worth it.  You may, if you’re anything like me, find that you’ve been misdirecting a lot of your negative feelings inwards and getting to shed that is like losing twenty pounds of emotional baggage and GOD is it good.

3.  Medication - NOT PART OF EVERYONE’S JOURNEY.  Do not feel pressured to go on meds.  Conversely, do not feel guilty for needing or wanting them.  If meds take you from “surviving” to “thriving” then they’re FUCKING WORTH IT.

I don’t know if I answered all of your questions, but please feel free to ask me follow-ups.  I’m sending you all the karma/good vibrations I can.  *hugs*

Congratulations, you beautiful amazing person! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS! Such a happy day for you...

So um I’m ENGAGED!!!! He totally surprised me and planned this all. Prepare for lots of pictures and ugly crying 💍💍💍 #engaged #wizardworldchicago #cosplay #comiccon #chicagocomiccon

too true.

brain: what time is your appointment on wednesday?

me: 2:30

brain: you sure bout that, buddy?

*receives email re day/time of appointment*

me: see! 2:30

brain: you sure?

me: checks TWELVE MILLION TIMES just to be safe

brain: okay but consider this - why not check again

All of these look yummy... I WANTS. why can’t i have more money so I can buy all the cute and geeky things?!

Sooooo I’ve been talking about my candles for awhile, and I’m finally at a place where I’d like to share it with you peeps. After the wedding, I KNEW I would be kinda down, so I planned to start making candles as a stress relief/goal. I didn’t think it would become something I look forward to doing. It’s honestly helped my mental health so much and I’m excited to kinda just keep going. My goal is to get into an Artist Alleys (ACEN next year) and craft fairs to sell my nerdy/pop culture inspired candles. I may plug my shop every once in awhile, because, fuck, I get really excited about making candles :) (for real, I’ve got some I’m trying soon including “Dean’s Apple Pie”, “The Blue Box”, “The Swanson”, “Let it Go”) If you have a minute, feel free to check out my little Etsy shop. I’m most active on Facebook, and I post coupons there, so like that page if you wanna see my updates more regularly. (Also, 10% of every candle purchase gets donated to charity)

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

Unknown (via bled)

I just wanted everyone to see how scary having an eating disorder is, especially coming from someone who struggled with it for several years.

When I was a freshman, my sister was in eighth grade. There was a boy in two of her periods who would ask her out every single day. (Third and seventh period, if I remember correctly.) All day during third and seventh she would repeatedly tell him no. She didn’t beat around the bush, she didn’t lie and say she was taken—she just said no. One day, in third period, after being rejected several times, he said; “I have a gun in my locker. If you don’t say yes, I am going to shoot you in seventh.” She refused again, but right after class she went to the principal’s office and told them what happened. They searched his locker and there was a gun in his backpack. When he was arrested, some of my sister’s friends (some female, even) told her that she was selfish for saying no so many times. That because of her, the entire school was in jeopardy. That it wouldn’t have killed her to say yes and give it a try, but because she was so mean to him, he lost his temper. Many of her male friends said it was “girls like her” that made all women seem like cockteases. Wouldn’t have killed her to say yes? If a man is willing to shoot someone for saying no, what happens to the poor soul who says yes? What happens the first time they disagree? What happens the first time she says she doesn’t want to have sex? That she isn’t in the mood? When they break up? Years later, when I was a senior, I was the only girl in my Criminal Justice class. The teacher, who used to be a sergeant in the police force, told us a story of something that had happened to a girl he knew when she was in high school. There was a guy who obviously had a crush on her and he made her uncomfortable. One day he finally gathered up the courage to ask her out, and she said no. The next day, during an assembly, he pulled a gun on her in front of everyone and threatened to kill her if she didn’t date him. He was tackled to the ground and the gun was taken from him. When my teacher asked the class who was at fault for the crime, I was the only person who said the boy was. All the other kids in the class (who were all boys) said that the girl was, that if she had said yes he would’ve never lost it and brought a gun and tried to kill her. When my teacher said that they were wrong and that this is what is wrong with society, that whenever a white boy commits a crime it’s someone else’s fault (music, television, video games, the victim) one boy raised his hand and literally said; “But if someone were to punch me and I punched him back, who is at fault for the fight? He is, not me. It’s self-defence. She started it, so anything that happens to her is in reaction to her actions .It’s simple cause and effect.” Even though he spent the rest of the calss period ripping into the boys and saying that you are always responsible for your own actions, and that women are allowed to say no and do not have to date them, they left class laughing about how idiotic he was and that he clearly had no idea how much it hurt to be rejected. So now we have a new school shooting, based solely on the fact some guy couldn’t get laid, and I see men, boys, applaudin him, or if they’re not applauding him, they’re laying blame on women as a whole. Just like my sister’s friends did. Just like the boys in my Criminal Justice class did. This isn’t something that’s rare. This isn’t something that never happens, or that a select group of men feel as if they are so entitled to women that saying no is not only the worst possible thing a woman can do, but is considered a form of “defence” when they commit a crime upon them (whether it be rape or murder-as-a-reaction-towards-rejection). Girls are being killed for saying no to prom invites. Girls are being killed for saying no to men. They are creating an atmosphere where women are too scared to say no, and the worst part is? They are doing it intentionally. They want society to be that way, they want women to say yes entirely out of fear. Even the boys and men who aren’t showing up to schools with guns are saying; “Well, you know, I wouldn’t do that, but you have to admit that if she had just said yes …” If you are a man and you defend this guys’ actions or try to find an excuse for it, or you denounce what really happened, or in any way lay blame on women, every girl you know, every woman you love, has just now thought to themselves that you might lose your shit and kill them someday for saying no. You have just lost their trust. And you know what? You deserve to lose it.

cry laugh feel love peace panic:  

“Wouldn’t have killed her to say yes? If a man is willing to shoot someone for saying no, what happens to the poor soul who says yes? What happens the first time they disagree? What happens the first time she says she doesn’t want to have sex? That she isn’t in the mood? When they break up?” -vampmissedith.tumblr.com

THIS IS MANDATORY READING!

(via feminist-space)

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND READ THIS.

(via stfueverything)

If you reject a man and he becomes violent, it’s your own fault for not giving him a chance. If you date him and he becomes violent, it’s your own fault for choosing to date an asshole.

Either way, if you’re a woman, everything men do is your fault.

That’s literally what these douchebags are saying, but somehow male privilege doesn’t exist.

(via theconcealedweapon)

the commentary is always better than anything I can add. I will reblog this EVERY TIME I SEE IT.

(And guys - GOD DAMN IT GROW UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELVES.)

Just cause I forgot to mention... I wear a XL at 38DD, and it fits pretty well! They’re so pretty and comfy and just amazing. Completely worth the $34! I love mine! (I’m probably going to buy more in the future, once I get better at running)

I wanted to thank you for the recommendation of the Kiava Endurance bra. I'm 38DD and I've never been able to find a sports bra that holds the girls up while I run. Before I bought the Kiava, I was wearing a regular bra and a sports bra over it so I could keep my boobs from hurting (and even that was close to not enough). The Kiava is all I need for a run now, and I've got no pain and it's just amazing. Thankyou!

I love it so much I have 3 of them!! I do wear an extra bra while running just because I like to be REALLY strapped in but it’s truly amazing. Best bra I’ve ever had.

If it’s not something like hives, or new clothes/soap/etc... it could be your circulation.  I've had this happen after taking a long break from exercise in general. I looked it up after, and it has something to do with the capillaries in your legs expanding and the nerves sending signals to your brain that makes it feel like they're itching. Mine always went away after a few days of regular working out, though..

So I ran a mile on the treadmill in first time since I don't know how long. Now I remember why I don't like doing it. I get so itchy!! My thighs and stomach get unbearably itchy and it really keeps me from wanting to go any further. Any ideas as to what's causing it?

That’s very odd, I have never heard of that happening before. Anybody know?

This is just... disgusting. Ugh.

living in texas means that david can finally come back to your state for a concert after years and years, and the venue is still over six hours away and there’s essentially no possibility of going.

I really wish people would put warning or a disclaimer on videos containing animal abuse or anything like that. I played a video last night on twitter and was not expecting to see such terrible things and now it keeps replaying in my head over and over and it’s making me really angry and I just started crying while driving home today because I don’t understand how people can be so awful and I wish there I was something I could do to make sure that all animals are safe from those people. it was literally the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life and I’m not just exaggerating. I’m never going to forget seeing that for the rest of my life and it’s actually traumatizing. I don’t want to describe it because to me that’s just as bad as seeing the video. please please please, I understand it’s important to share and acknowledge the injustices in the world, but please put a disclaimer on shit before spreading it across the Internet when you don’t know how it might affect people!!

reblog if dogs

The Tone Analyzer is a website that lets you enter text, and then uses linguistic analysis to detect your social and emotional tone.

Now you guys can sound nicer when you send me messages.

Source

This post is going to explore how biphobia, misogyny, and rape culture intersect at an institutional level to cause the disproportionate rates of sexual violence seen against bisexual women.

Trigger warnings: discussion of rape, corrective rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, intimate partner violence, abuse, victim blaming, depression, PTSD, suicide, and some graphic examples of biphobic victim blaming

Bisexual women have the highest rates of rape and sexual assault

Bisexual women have a 46.1% chance of being forcibly raped. This rate is 2.6 times higher than straight women and 3.5 times higher than lesbian women. Bisexual women also have a 74.9% chance of being coercively raped or sexually assaulted. This rate is 1.7 times higher than straight women and 1.6 times higher than lesbian women (source).

78% of bisexual women report lifetime sexual victimization. Bisexual women report more severe adult victimization and significantly greater rates of revictimization (source).

So why is this happening?

Bisexual women are hypersexualized. We are stereotyped as promiscuous, slutty, dirty, and always interested in sexual attention. Men are taught by our culture to view bisexual women as sexual objects whose purpose is to fulfill their sexual desires, making it that much easier to disrespect bisexual women’s consent and justify sexual violence against us. This is closely tied to the victim blaming stereotypes that are used to invalidate any victim who can be viewed as too sexual and therefore not a valid victim. As Shiri Eisner put it, “what we have to say about [sexual attention], and whether or not we want to be sexual with anyone, just doesn’t matter. Because our bisexuality is made out to be not about us, but about cishet men” (source).

Bisexual women are fetishized. We are seen as sexual objects, as walking porn fantasies, as one-third of a threesome, rather than actual human beings. This causes sexual harassment, sexual assault, abuse, and rape that are specific to (one-male, two-female) threesome fantasies. Bi women frequently report experiences of men soliciting them for threesomes the moment they discover their bisexual identity, which is a form of degrading sexual harassment. Bi women report similar experiences with online dating profiles, even if their profile explicitly states that they are not interested in threesomes. Bi women are also coerced or forced into threesomes because of this.

Other biphobic stereotypes about bi women contribute to sexual assault. For example, we are also stereotyped as pretending to be bisexual specifically for men’s attention, which frames things like sexual harassment, assault, and rape as forms of “attention” that we wanted to receive.

Bi women are sometimes correctively raped. Corrective rape is a hate crime in which someone is raped because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Bisexual women experience corrective rape as a form of punishment for being bisexual, usually with the goal of making them heterosexual.

Although much of this is related to the way men (especially cis, straight men) are taught to view bisexual women, and although most of the sexual violence against bisexual women is perpetrated by men, people of any gender are capable of believing these stereotypes and perpetuating sexual violence against bisexual women.

Bisexual women have the highest rates of intimate partner violence

Bisexual people report significantly higher rates of emotional, financial, sexual, and physical intimate partner violence compared to gay and lesbian people (source).

49.3% of bisexual women are victims of severe physical intimate partner violence. Bisexual women have a 61.1% lifetime prevalence of rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner (source).

Why?

Abusers tend to target marginalized people, period. Marginalized people are already in a position to have lower self-esteem, be less likely to have supportive friends, family, and communities, have less access to services like counseling and healthcare, be more likely to be treated poorly if they report, and on and on. This is painfully true for bisexuals, because we are not only unsupported by society at large but also often rejected from gay and lesbian spaces and denied their support.

Abusive partners sometimes use biphobia to perpetuate sexual violence against their bisexual partners. Abusers might coerce or force their bisexual partners into unwanted sexual acts or threesomes because they are bisexual and they’re “supposed” to want to do those things. Some abusers force their bisexual partners into unwanted open or polyamorous relationships, or expect their bisexual partners to tolerate cheating. 

Abusers draw on society’s biphobic narratives to reinforce and legitimize their abuse. For example, it’s common for abusers to say abusive things to their victims like this: “I know you’re cheating on me.” “No one else will ever love you.” “I know you’re lying to me.” But watch how the abuse is strengthened by biphobia: “I know you’re cheating on me, because everyone knows bisexuals are cheaters.” “No one else will ever love you, because no one wants to date a bisexual.” “I know you’re lying, because bisexuals aren’t trustworthy.” And sometimes, biphobia itself is the abuse. “You have to call yourself straight/gay/lesbian if you’re going to be with me.” “I will out you as bisexual if you don’t [do this].” When a bi person being abused hears the same biphobic stereotypes they’ve heard their whole life, it’s not just coming from their abuser - it feels like the whole world agrees. It’s a strategy to make victims feel even more powerless.

Bisexual women have the lowest rates of social support after disclosing victimization

(source)

Bisexual women have low social support to begin with. Bisexual people have less social support from family and friends (source). Bisexual people are less likely to be out of the closet than gay and lesbian people (source). Bisexual women and lesbians have comparable rates of mental distress in non-urban areas, but while lesbian women’s mental distress lowers significantly in urban areas, bisexual women’s nearly double. Researchers believe this is because of the lack of social support for bisexual women from lesbian and gay communities (source).

Biphobic stereotypes about bisexual women create barriers to social support after disclosing trauma. For example, we are stereotyped as untrustworthy liars, which leads to people being less likely to believe or support bi women survivors. The stereotypes of bisexual women as promiscuous and slutty lead to victim-blaming and the belief that either we were not raped or that it was our fault. The stereotype that bisexual women are lying for attention, combined with the widespread belief that women lie about being raped for attention, also contributes to this.

Bisexual women are often excluded from LGBT communities and have difficulty finding bisexual communities. If they can find a community, the chances of it being a safe space for bi women survivors are quite slim. LGBT and bi communities continue to have problems addressing intra-community issues of misogyny and rape culture.

Sexual assault resources cater to cisgender straight women. LGBT recovery resources are rare, and they usually cater to cisgender gay and lesbian victims. These resources are often unhelpful for bi women, or even unsafe or hostile towards them - although bisexual women survivors report reaching out to the greatest number of formal support resources, they were the least likely to report these resources as helpful (source). There are no known rape recovery resources specifically for bisexual women, other than this blog.

Other resources, such as counseling, also often have problems of misogyny, biphobia, and rape culture. Bisexual people often report negative experiences with mental healthcare providers who view their bisexuality as a symptom of mental illness to be overcome. Bisexual people sometimes even experience conversion therapy when seeking out counseling from someone who pressures them to adopt a straight or gay identity instead of a bisexual one. In the same study mentioned above, bisexual women survivors were the most likely to speak to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or mental health professional, but, again, the least likely to report these services as helpful (source).

Bisexual women have the highest rates of depression and PTSD post-rape

(source)

Bisexual women have higher rates of mental illness to begin with. 45.4% of bisexual women have considered or attempted suicide. This compares to 34.8% for bisexual men, 29.5% for lesbian women, 25.2% for gay men, 9.6% for straight women, and 7.4% for straight men (source). Bisexual people report higher rates of anxiety, depression, suicidality, and negative affect compared to their gay and heterosexual counterparts (source).

Bi women survivors are more likely to have experiences that increase the likelihood of depression. Depression after sexual violence is often related to a lack of support, lack of access to recovery resources, feelings of isolation, and experiences of victim blaming - areas in which bisexual women are much worse off.

Similarly, bi women survivors are more likely to have experiences that lead to PTSD. PTSD after sexual violence can be related to the traumatic nature of the sexual violence itself or to retraumatizing experiences in the aftermath, and bisexual women survivors experience unique and frequent retraumatization. For example, bisexual women frequently encounter degrading and sexually objectifying language about themselves from society at large as well as from the LGBT community - bi women are described as “slutty,” “dirty,” “sexually available to men,” “cocksuckers,” “dick-worshippers,” “bihets,” and so on. Such language is sexually objectifying and misogynistic towards all bisexual women, and very triggering to those of us who have been assaulted or raped by cis men. Experiencing frequent sexual harassment like unwanted sexual attention and threesome proposals is also retraumatizing. Bisexual women also report higher rates of revictimization, which is extremely retraumatizing and associated with higher chances of developing PTSD.

The inaccessibility of mental health resources for bi women survivors makes it difficult for us to cope with and recover from mental illness.

Other reasons

Bisexual people are more likely to be disabled, transgender and people of color, meaning that disabled bisexual women, trans bisexual women, and bisexual women of color are dealing with ableism, transmisogyny, and/or racism on top of biphobia, misogyny, and rape culture. This significantly increases their chances of facing sexual violence and intimate partner violence. If they do, they are even more likely to experience depression, PTSD, and low social support. It is also important when analyzing the above statistics to keep in mind that white, cisgender, and abled bisexual women have lower chances of these negative experiences.

Bi women survivors who didn’t figure out their bisexual identity until after their trauma, or who were closeted to their abusers and rapists, are still impacted by all of this. Marginalization, even when not obvious or announced, still makes people more vulnerable to abuse and violence. Issues like low social support, inaccessible recovery resources, and higher rates of mental illness are problems for these bi women survivors as well.

Since this issue is largely invisible and misunderstood, there are no known sexual violence prevention efforts specific to bisexual women.

Resources

Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner

Shiri Eisner’s interview with the Bi Women Support Network

Healing from Rape as a Bisexual Woman

How to Find a Bi Competent Therapist

More statistics

these hit home so hard

aight let me say this tho. when biphobic lesbians say things like ‘i don’t wanna be anywhere a guy has been” or the more cissexist/transphobic “i don’t wanna be anywhere a dick has been”

you’re. kind of treating a bi woman like a used object. and totally qualifying her based on her past experiences. and deciding what does or does not impact her worth and purity. 

and ur a piece of crap.