Latest Posts by smittenmeraki - Page 3

"that doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" is an iconic confession for a lot of reasons but i love that andrew obviously picked his wording so so carefully there to avoid admitting any feelings involved and then neil's demisexual ass just totally bypasses that and he responds saying "you like me." WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT ANDREW WAS TRYING TO AVOID ADMITTING.

I want Jean to crash out in a way that nearly hospitalizes someone

I want Jeremy to crash out in a way that nearly hospitalizes himself

Jean deserves to finally be allowed to be angry, to feel the hatred and disgust of everything he has been through, I want him to finally be able to fight for himself

I want Jeremy to stop hiding, to stop pretending everything will just be okay, I want him to be able to feel the sorrow and heartbreak that he is trying so hard to avoid

Let them feel what they are suppressing

More drawings of my characters lol, this time Ramon got added (apprently I'm going to draw Colin with everyone but his girlfriend)

Colorized Polaroid of Sofia and Colin on a Merry-go-round

Then a picture of Ramon giving Colin a kiss ( when you're so deep in the friend zone, he lets you kiss him 🥲 )

Ramons design is definitely a work in progress, he is a newer character that hasnt actually been introduced in the story yet sooo I have no idea how I actually want him to look.

Reference picture for Colin and Ramon

Some sketches of my OC's for one of my stories, Im proud of them and wanted to show them off 😅

Sofia and Colin, my babies. I am so so proud of how colin came out in the colored version, I was testing new brushes and messing around then he turned out amazing. The one of them together is supposed to be them on a merry-go-round in the snow at like 14 but I need to work on it more lol.

Andrew doesnt like whne people touch his things, he doesnt share and Neil is his. When a small fangroup of girls rushes up to Neil before the game, he ignores them, prentending he doesn't care. He stands far off blocking out the random squeals and complements until one of the girls asks for a picture. Neil gives a shrug and a fake smile to get it over with, the girl getting up on her toes to kiss his cheek and take the picture. Andrew takes two steps forward before they are called for lineup. His eyes don't leave the girl until Neil is as his side again. The game goes by in a blur, score after score, shut down after shut down, Andrew keeps most of his frustration in check, only getting worked up when the ball makes it to his goal. They win 17 to 8 and when the bell tolls Andrew steps out of his goal. The foxes celebrate in the middle and he joins them, almost, barely two feet off of the huddle, he motions for Neil. Neil obeys and walks over, taking off his gloves on his way. Andrew has already removed his gloves and helmet, abandoning them at the goal. When Neil makes it to him, his helmet is unbuckled but in place, so Andrew laces his fingers with the guard, tugging it.

"Off." Neil obeys, pulling it over his head and letting Andrew drop it to the floor. "Yes or no?" Neil looks at him suprized, he doesnt ever want public affection, and with this many people around? Neil pans over the crowd, scanning the faces of cheering bystanders. Andrew grabs his face and pulls him back. "Yes or no?" He repeats, locking their eyes together.

"Its always yes. You know that." Neil cant help but smile as Andrew rolls his eyes then yanks him to him. Neil instinctively puts his hands in his hair, pulling him closer. Their kiss is aggressive and sudden and over before Neil is satisfied, but he drops his hands and lets Andrew push him away. Neil only stares when its over, wanting more and not caring for the thousands who just saw. Andrew turns his head to where the fangirls sit, then grabs Neil by the collar, pulling him off the court, Neil only smiles wider as the foxes lose their minds about what just happened, exchanging their bet payouts.

Andrew has been particularly bored this game, they are tied for the third time in a row, yet nothing interesting has happened in the first half of the game. Taking their small rest of halftime, Neil approaches him with a smile that tells Andrew hes plotting something.

"What." Andrew gives him a curious glare as he sits down on the bench beside him.

"Shut down the goal." Neil demands blankly.

"And why would I do that." Immediately pissed off by this, Andrew gets ready to walk off, but Neil says something that makes him reconsider.

"If you do, that little corner store on the way to the dorm. I'll buy you everything you can carry." Neil stares at him with a look that says he already knows the answer, even though Andrew hasnt said or done anything, so he walks away without changing that.

The game starts again and Andrew defends the goal as if its sacred. 32 shots made and not a single one passes him, nothing is going to come between him and his seemingly endless stash of sweets. The rest of the Foxes are greatfully astonished, having no idea why Andrew suddenly kicked it up three gears.

Neil does as agreed, following Andrew around the convinent store as he fills his hoodie pocket, then his pants pockets, the hood itself, over filling his arms and tucking things in every possible location until Neil is certain he will start dropping things.

"Okay, youve already broken rules. You have enough." Neil chuckle as him barely able to see his face buried under the mountain of candy and ice cream.

"And what rules do you think Ive broken rabbit?" Andrew tilts his head with an intrigued glare.

"You filled your pockets. Thats not holding it."

"You said carry. Its on my person and I am carrying it. Buy up."

Rolling his eyes, Neil waits as Andrew awkwardly shuffles a fourth bag of skittles into his sleeve.

After another few minutes of him picking out his remaining choices, they go to the counter, the cashier a young woman wraring an mixed expression of 'what the fuck' and impressed. Before Andrew can start dropping it all on the counter, the click of a camera goes off. Andrew turns to Neil, anger overtaking his face. Another click. Neil lowers his phone as he pulls out his wallet.

"Youre insufferable." Andrew drops whats in his arms and digs the rest out of his sleeves, pockets and hood.

"What percent am I at now?"

"110%"

"Thats not even mathematically possible." Neil grumbles, but he smiles still.

Once they are back to the dorm, neil saves the photo of Andrew looking pissed with 300$ worth of candy in his arms as his phones background.

Andrew changes it to a picture of his middle finger two days later.

andreil meet cute where andrew is a wizard and has a successful curse business (nonfatal but willing to maim for the right reason/price) and someone random is like "hey i need u to curse this asshole in my statistics class for me bcus we have an exam next week and i cant take another one of his stupid cocky smirks after getting an A" so andrew is like okay sure whatever, ez peasy. except he shows up to the cursee's dorm and it's warded to hell and back? what the fuck what kind of nerd wards their college dorm room against evisceration spells AND disappears only ur left sock spells?

so andrew is obviously Very Intrigued and gives up on his plan to break in and just knocks, except the most gorgeous man he's ever seen answers the door AND he's glaring at andrew like he can kill him with his eyes (which the quality of those wards? yeah maybe he can...). anyway andrew falls in love at first sight, and his first words to neil are "what the fuck is wrong with you"

The only reason Kevin could get out was because he was injured. Jean was "healthy", he could play and he wasnt free. Kevin had a choice. Make it out and leave Jean behind or stay where worse things will happen. Taking Jean would have never worked 😔 and I'm sure a part of Kevin died when he realized that.

"Why didn't Kevin take Jean with-"

Maybe because he's sold to the moriyamas? And that both of them wouldn't make it out? Jean would probably be killed or beaten horribly after because he has no choicenbut to stay with his owners?

Half-time just ended. Everyone is retaking their positions on the court, Neil and Andrew lock eyes for a moment, just blankly staring at each other. Neil cracks a small smile, then winks at him before turning away. Andrew is immediately flustered, which means he's pissed. Hot red ears and furrowed eyebrows, he almost misses the sound of the buzzer, but he can't let anyone know that he is currently weak in the knees and deciding if he wants to punch him or kiss him. He watches Neil get body slammed before the ball comes hurling to the goal, Andrew snapping to its targeted location catching the ball. Instead of rebounding or passing, he launches it, letting out his bottled frustration and embarrassment. The buzzer sounds and the goal lights up red, leaving Andrew slightly suprized, he didn't even aim. Leaning on his racket, he takes a deep breath, fully calming himself and deciding he will kiss him when this is over. Neil gets off the ground with a smug expression, causing Andrew to ignore him, the game starting again.

I want it so badly to be a step by step process. Starting out fully clothed with Jeremy washing his hair and arms the, maybe he realizes Jean can't stand water in his face so he just wipes him down with wet hands instead of trying to get him under the water. Maybe a week or so goes by and it happens again, but this time Jean's comfortable enough to take off his shirt, allowing Jeremy to wash his back and get the lent out of his scars. (As someone with a lot of scars lent is such a battle especially in spots you can't reach) By the third time Jean is able to close his eyes without being scared, letting the water rush over him without flinching. Two or three months into these occasional showers, Jean is willing to try to put his face in the water, but he clings to Jeremy the whole time, who holds a dry towel for him if he panics. And they get through it and Jean is learning that the water isn't what hurt him. Showers can be good. Showers with Jeremy are better.

desperately in need of a non-sexual jerejean shower scene with their clothes on. jeremy washing jean’s hair. jean realizing that water is not always meant to hurt, but it can even be relaxing. jeremy softly yapping non-stop so jean doesn’t get lost in his thoughts. help

The fandom keeps taking about how they want Jeremy to get red carded defending Jean (if anyone is going to do that it would be Cat but yall arent ready for that convo) or for Jeremy to yell and go off on kevin for leaving Jean at evermore. I think Jeremy would understand, he wouldn't like it and may be angry but I think he would be more hurt that Kevin had to choose between saftey and betraying a friend. HOWEVER! I counter that Neil would be the one to get onto Kevin. Picture this, its a first banquet since Jean became a Trojan and Neil finds him and they start having a conversation in French about his new team or whatever random topic. Jeremy sees them and immediately is like 'nope, no way, last time these two were alone Jean came home in the middle of the night in shambles.' And goes over there. He doesnt say anything, just stands by Jean giving Neil heavy side eye. Of course Neil being Neil glares straight back. 'The fuck is his problem. He wants to be pissed at me when he failed to protect Jean?' Jean steps in at this point, trying to keep Neil from starting a fight.

"Do not start anything here. Jeremy's done nothing wrong and I am not cleaning up your messes.' Jean scolds in french.

"Nothing wrong? He was supposed to keep you safe. Which he failed at by the way."

"I dont need anyone to keep me safe." Jean glares at him, defending himself to which Jeremy takes one more step closer, just in case. Kevin and Andrew catch onto the commotion and walk over, taking stance next to them.

"Really? If we honestly believed that we wouldnt have sent you to the Trojans, you may as well have been a fox." Neil loosely gestures at Jeremy, dismissive.

"You and I both know he could never fit in as a fox." Kevin cuts in, switching them to English

Neil turns to him full of animosity. The glare of a Wesninski, its enough to make his stomach drop.

"I think youve already had enough say in where he ends up considering you left him at evermore in the first place." Kevin recoils, taking four steps back and staggering on the fifth, a look of horror on his face. When he glances at Jean, hes looking down. He knows its not true but its how it felt. Neil doesn't have to say anything else, Kevin knows what the ravens are capable of, hes seen it, on Jean, on himself, on Neil. The twisted smile on Neils face is enough to force Kevin to look away. Neil switches back to French, in a calmer tone.

"He is meant to keep you safe and help you get through all the shit they did to you. If he is incapable of doing that, you know where to find me. If you are hurt under his watch again." Back to english "I'll handle him." He glares at Jeremy then turns away, Andrew a step behind, staying between them.

I have so many random ideas of Andreil being found out by the media in the strangest ways. My personal fav so far is them going pro and being on different teams. They end up playing against each other and everyone starts to think their rivals because Andrew keeps launching the ball at Neils helmet. After like 7 headshots from across the court Neil swears at him in german something along the lines of "I know you're doing that on purpose quit being a bitch for the sake of your entertainment or I swear I will empty your candy drawer" and of course Andrew's just there with his blank expression leaning on his racket, knowing Neil will forget all about it when they're home. However, all the fans see is Andrew targeting Neil over and over no matter where he is on the court so everyone thinks they hate each other until some weeks later an article is released with pictures of them grocery shopping together. Andrew is in the cart eating candy he hasn't even bought yet while Neil scans the aisle with a hand in Andrews hair. Another picture of them loading everything into the car, Andrew with a hand on Neils waist as he opens the backdoor. The article is titled something like "rivals or lovers : a deep dive into their history" and it brings up points like Andrew protecting Neil from Riko and Neil getting Andrew to shut down the goal with just a few words (ones no one knows), but also points of them shoving each other and getting in each others faces (tbh they were just flirting but from an outside prospective it was violence because they are never normal) all of the fan theories come to a head when Neil gets interviewed.

"What is your thoughts on the rumors about you and Minyard?"

"Rumors?"

"Yes, the ones about you two being teammates turned rivals turned lovers. Many fans are speculating what your relationship is and several articles have become very popular over it."

"We were never rivals??" Neil is absolutely lost at this idea, complete confusion.

"Really? Never once over the years?"

"No? And what articles? I don't understand how this has anything to do with Exy."

"Its about your career in the sense that Andrew Minyard has been a challenge for you." Neil smiles at the idea of Andrew being a challenge. "There was a really big article that shared some photos of you two together at a grocery store. It's rather unusal to see you two in a domestic setting, can you tell us about that? Many are wondering why you shop together." The first photo is pulled up on the big screen and Neil just stares for a moment, unsure of when it was taken.

"1. Its creepy that that was taken without us knowing. 2. I don't know what you want me to tell you, Andrew's not allowed out of the cart because he's a mence to shop with or maybe he refuses to let me go alone because I constantly forget things. Its just normal every day life, same as everyone else. 3. Because we live together?? I still don't see the relevance any this has to Exy. Many spouses go against each others teams, it's a part of being pro's."

"Spouses? So you are confirming you and Minyard are married?"

"Not on paper. Fundamentally yes. I thought this interview was supposed to be about how our season is going?" Neil sits back, baffled but also slightly smug from the look of shock on the interviewers face.

Meanwhile Andrew is at home with the cats eating a tub of ice cream while watching the interview thinking to himself 'yeah, fucking tell her. Noisy ass drama seeker.'

Andreil is still on my brain

After they've both gone professional, they've been separated for at least a month, but todays the day Neil goes to pick Andrew up from the airport. Neils been scanning the crowd for the last 20 mins, looking for that familiar blonde hair among dozens of people. Then he spots him, facing the other direction with a suitcase in one hand. Neil can't help but stare for a moment, taking in the broadness of his shoulders in his tight shirt, the thickness of his arms, the black armbands in their usual place. Neil pulls out his phone and texts him a 'yes or no'. He watches as Andrew looks down at his phone, then glances up looking around, not noticing him yet. Then he looks back down and Neil feels his phone vibrate, seeing a 'yes?' In response. Neil all but sprints, Andrew turning to him last second before Neil lifts him up into a hug, squeezing him to his chest. Panic floods Andrew for a second before he lets excitment take over, hugging him back. Andrew grips him tightly around his neck, burying his face in the cloth of his hoodie, taking in his smell, cigarette smoke and black coffee. He can feel Neil smile against his neck. Neil squeezes him once more before lowering him to the ground, loosening his grip to put a few inches between them. Andrew glares up at him, the smallest trace of a smile on his lips.

"115%" Andrew grumbles out.

"I'm okay with that." Neil says, looking down at his lips. Andrew doesn't hesitate, kissing him without a care for who might be watching. Neil melts into the kiss, placing his hands in Andrews hair. A moment later they break away.

"Welcome home, Drew." Neil stares down at him, that glint in his eyes and Andrew decides maybe he can look at him like that, just this once.

Hc that Neil Josten has an insanely high pain tolerance yet says 'ow' to everything. Bumped his knee on the coffee table? Chirps out a little 'ow' subconsciously. Knocks over his water bottle with his foot? Instinctively says 'ow' as he leans over to pick it up, nevermind the fact it barely taped his shoe. Andrew watches him do this at least a dozen times before he has to say something when Neil drops something that doesnt even touch him but he still mutters an 'ow shit' before scooping it up.

"That didnt hurt." Andrew deadpans

"What do you mean?"

"You said 'ow', it didnt even touch you."

"Did I?"

"Yes, you do it every time."

"Never noticed"

*deadpan flabbergasted*

There are too mamy itches in my brain. Andreil. Its a peaceful Saturday morning and they're sleeping in, sun just barely filtering through the window as they cuddle together. Neil's pressed against Andrews side and Andrew has an arm around him laying on his back. The phone rings waking them both and Andrew goes to turn it off but its a call from Aaron, a FaceTime. So he answers, groggy and half asleep. He wakes up more after noticing that Aarons been crying.

"You're still in bed" chuckles from the other end of the phone

"Its the weekend, you're crying?" Andrew cuts the small talk and Neil peaks open an eye out of curiosity.

"We have some news" Katelyn wiggles her way onto the screen standing behind Aaron. "We're pregnant" she give a small happy dance. Andrew stares blankly for a moment.

"Youre going to be an uncle." Aaron says, clearly a bit nervous but mostly proud.

"How long?" Is the only response he can think of.

"I'm currently eight weeks, so give or take another 32 weeks, but theres more."

"More?" Andrew sits up a bit dragging Neil with him.

"Twins" Aaron finishes. Neil muffles a laugh into Andrew's shoulder.

"Good luck with that. If they are anything like you, your hands will be full."

"Shut up" Andrew and Aaron say in sync. Neil just laughs again with a shrug.

"You're not saying much." Aaron presses, fiddling with a pen.

"He's excited" Neil says, looking up at him. Andrew scoff and pushes his face away "he's got that look in his eyes, he happy" Andrew shoves Neil off of him.

"If you ever need anything," Andrew mumbles grumpily to which Aaron nods.

"We will be posting updates on our socials, but we wanted you to know first" katelyn says before disappearing off screen.

"Yeah okay." They talk a bit more before hanging up. Andrew stares at the black screen, processing everything.

"Whats on your mind?" Neil whispers crawling back over to him.

"I'm going to be an uncle. He wants me to be apart of it. Of their lives."

"Of course he does, you're his brother."

"A year ago, I would have never gotten that phone call." He drops the phone on his chest, letting it lay face down. Neil lets him be lost in thought for a moment, then reaches out and brushes the hair from his face.

"You two fixed your relationship. Of course he wants you to know his kids."

"Have you ever thought about it?" Andrew picks at his nails, not looking at Neil.

"About what? Drew, what are you asking?"

"Kids. Have you thought about it?"

"I think I'd make a terrible father. I didn't think you were the type to want kids"

"We dont have to be parents. We could foster. Its just an idea, i dont know." Andrew sits up, tossing his legs over the bed. "I don't even think kids would like me." Neil sits up too, watching Andrew's back.

"Do you want to foster children?" Andrew just shrugs at the question, not facing him.

"We could, it would be one more good house in all of the bad ones. Kids might not like us but theyd have their own room. A warm bed and a safe place to be." His words are quiet, contemplating. "Its just a thought."

"We can always look into it. I wouldn't mind."

"An uncle. He wants me to be an uncle." Andrews thoughts go full circle and Neil cant help but smile. Their future seems bright, and possibly filled with young laughter and toys. Neil inches his way to him and whispers "yes or no" a mumbled yes and Neil trails little kisses down Andrews neck, hugging his back to him.

"This also technically makes me an uncle, think Aarons upset about that yet?" Andrew rolls his eyes at him, earning another laugh.

Sbg fast pass spoilers

This panel makes my brain release the happy chemical. Taylor is so gentle and caring and Logan is just a bebe, I adore them. Some pairings I really want to see more of are these two, Taylor and Aiden and Ben and Tyler. Logan and Taylor are just so loving and adorable, they give me such cozy vibes. Then the choas that would be Taylor and Aiden, she definitely lets him instigate her and rope her into mischief. Ben and Tyler seem like such a chill duo. Ben is pretty relaxed most of the time and I feel like hes not at all intimidated by Tyler's tough guy exterior. These two definitely would sit back and watch the choas of Aiden and Taylor unfold, only bothering to step in if it gets too dangerous.

Im both excited and nervous they are split up. We will probably get more backstory and moments of comfort but also I think the chapters might feel a little slower and I fear it might drag out, 🤷‍♀️

I am currently laying in bed with a fever unable to sleep and Jerejean is haunting my brain...

I can play this lil scene in my head where Jean has been kinda off all day. Flinching away from everyone, hesitant to look anyone in the eyes, nearly shoved Jeremy to the ground because he accidentally snuck up beside him. After they get home Jean goes straight for his room, not bothering to turn on the light, he just hides away behind a mostly closed door. Jeremy notices the crack letting a little light in and takes it as an invitation. 'He cant really want to be alone if he didnt lock us out, maybe I can do something' so Jeremy creaks the door open and Jeans sitting on the floor, back against the bed with his head on his knees.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He doesnt respond "I cant help if I dont know the problem." He stirs a bit at this but doesnt move.

"This. You, the girls, I dont know how much i can handle" Jeremy barely hears him, he doesnt ever actaully open up, not fully. The panic sets in because Jeremy cannot mess up this opportunity, hes letting him help. But he doesnt understand what he means, so he walks over and sits across from him.

"What did we do wrong, so we can fix it. The last thing we want is to hurt you"

"Thats it, you haven't. I keep waiting for the other foot to drop, for someone to snap. I am Jean Moreau, I have never had...this. Kindness, the feeling of being..."

"Loved. Jean you are loved. By me, by Cat and Laila and Kevin. The pretty girl in the picture and I'm sure so many more. I know that must be terrifying given what you have endured, but that doesn't mean its bad. We will teach you how to be loved." Jeremy reaches out to him, gently making him look up. "You are going to be okay. Maybe not now, but one day" Jean looks up at him with tear filled eyes, so close to breaking. Unable to think of any other proof he could give him, he gives him a soft kiss on top of his head. Jeremy doesnt miss the jagged breath Jean takes and for a moment he thinks he messed up, but in the quietest voice hes ever heard from him, Jean asks "again?" So he does, he kisses his forehead, then his temple, his cheek, the other cheek, then he pulls his hands up and litters kisses over the scars on his knuckles.

"You are Jean Moreau" another kiss to his left hand "and you do not have to be scared." He leans forward and kisses his nose, "You are my Partner," the scar on his eyebrow, "you are Cat and Laila's roommate," The tears fall, "you are not a raven," he kisses those away, "and you are not what they did to you." Holding his face in his hands Jeremy makes him look him in the eye, "You are Jean Moreau and you deserve to be loved." To this, he lets it all out, breaking into a silent sob and he wraps himself around Jeremy, so he pulls him closer, puts a hand in his hair and whispers "I got you" over and over until he falls asleep.

I don't even know of this would be in character, I am not lying when I say I am delusionally sick, but I really hope we get another, more in depth moment of Jeremy conforming Jean (or vice versa 👀) 19 was a rough age for me and I didnt go through a quarter of the truama he did, he honestly needs so many more hugs.

I think this is probably what Aiden is most afriad of. He saw how badly Ben was hurt, not just physically, but he watched him spiral, loose his voice in every sense of the word, turn into a volient unsoothable person, Aiden became the person Ben is codependent on. He watched as Ben lost the thing he loved most. Of course this would be his worst nightmare, he knows how horrible it was for Ben and Im sure that in some way, he probably blames himself. For not being able to do more, for not helping Ben find his voice, for not protecting him in the first place. Ugh, I could go on about this forever, I really hope Red gives us more of the cousins. I want more of their relationship 🥲

Something abt the history book on the shelf repeating itself ?

I need Jeremy knox to have a wild side. I have this image in my brain that he has a switch that flips every once in a while. A very rare one, one he tries to out grow and put behind him, but on really good days when he wants to be high on life, he lets it go. Im talking drifting down back roads, doing donuts in parking lots, throwing fireworks into the bonfires, high school redneck level wild side. I want to watch this man chug a beer and flirt a man into submission without even trying. I want to see Jean be amused, moritfied and jealous that Jeremy can be so in love with life to the point of being risky. I need Cat and Laila to have a "oh shit, here we go" moment right before it happens because my god he has that smile, that stupid glint he gets in his eyes before he dives in. I adore his gentle side and how he wants to help everyone and be a good team captain, but I want the nights where he sets that aside and needs to be reigned in before he hurts himself.

I have been dwelling on the ravens, I need to preface this tangent with, I am not at all disregarding, belittling or excusing any of what these people have done, but I neeed to deep dive my thoughts because i cant be the only one who thought about this

Spoliers for like literally everything 😅

All of the ravens were failed, not just Kevin and Jean or even Neil. Even Riko and Greyson were failed. They were children. They were abused and manipulated and treated like they werent even people. They were forced into solitude, conditioned into violence and I can understand why most of them turned into monsters. If you really take a step back to think about it, its survival of the fittest, but being the fittest means being the cruelest, because if you were the absolute worst, no one would hurt you. 'If I become the monster, maybe I will be safe from what they do to each other'. How many times do you think the thought crossed their minds of "I cant be weak or I will end up like Jean, a punching bag, a play thing" or "If I mess up, if I dont give it my everything, they will break me like they did Kevin, but they will be more thorough this time, theyd end me" these are children, how else would they respond to these horrible conditions, how can you expect an abused dog to not attack. They are straved and beaten and beraided all for the sake of a 'game'. Greyson was a normal kid before he became a raven, and I dont think those straws would have ever broken of he hadnt become one because they probably never would have exisited. Yes, he is a horrible person now, but he didnt ask for this and in another life, he could have been someone. An older brother with a family and a goal for life, but he was no longer a brother and he had no family, only 'teammates'. I am so hoping that in one of the next books that the world sees what they did to these kids. I need doors busted down and people arrested, if Neil's uncle gets ahold of the Moriyamas, I dont want him to kill him or arrest him because he has always been weary of that, no I need him to tear down everything he has built, to show the people who he is and what his true colors are. I need the world to see that Riko was murdered because his uses ended. I need them to see that these kids are dropping like flies because they cant be people anymore, they dont know how. I want eyewitnesses and video footage making it out and it being undeniable that these kids were failed. They were supposed to be protected, loved and taught. College is supposed to be the gateway to adulthood and they were stripped of their freedom and made into machines. This breaks my heart. I know its so easy to hate these characters and to be angry, which is completely vaild and how we are supposed to view them because they are bad people, but at the end of the day they are children, they never got wymacks second chance or a found family. They didnt have a Renee to pull them out or an Andrew for protection, maybe if they had, things might have been different.

Breaking my own heart over here.

You cannot convince me Jean didnt desperately wait for Kevin to come back for him 🥲

I wanted to see this so bad, I so desperately wanted Andrews pov because to him, suddenly Neil was telling him it was all worth it out of the blue. I expected anger and rage, we know he got violent (poor kevin 😅) but the fear was not expected, he spent so long denying it was anything at all then when he thought he lost him, he so desperately needed him back. 🥲

i’m finally finally reading the aftg extra content and

omg?? ive seen some people post about this before but reading it on my own is just another feeling like he was freaking out after neil got kidnapped and it hurts to read but also omg

They are so precious to me 🥲

I was thinking about how Jean has probably never heard the words "i love you" said to him before, or at least maybe not in a very long time (the only person i could think of who would have said it is Elodie)

So then I started thinking what if Jean has such a visceral reaction to hearing it from Jeremy for the first time that it actually makes him cry. Even more so because when Jeremy does say it, it kind of just slips out soft and gentle and so casually.

So like one day what if they're just sitting on Jean's bed making out very soft and sweetly. Jeremy smiles against Jean's lips and the words are out before he can really think about it. It's more like a breathy sigh, an exhalation of a confession that Jeremy doesn't even hesitate to reveal. But Jean freezes regardless. Jeremy pulls back instantly to find Jean staring at him a little lost, wild look in his eyes.

So very quietly, Jean asks, "What did you just say?"

Jeremy smiles lazily at him, more than happy to repeat the sentiment. "I said, I love you."

Jean swallows hard and clenches his eyes shut, holding tight to Jeremy's shirt he thinks 'This is a dream. I'll wake up. It'll just be another day and this is just another unrealistic impossible dream'. But when he opens his eyes Jeremy is still there in front of him, except now his mouth is turned down and there's a pinch between his brows.

"Jean? Something wrong?" he asks.

Jean shakes his head, his breath stuttering as he asks, again, "What did you say?" This time it sounds little more strangled and it feels like his throat is slowly closing up. Jeremy's so close and Jean is suddenly so hyper aware of every part of him - his warm tanned skin, his freckles, his soft t-shirt and shorts, his bare feet and ankles crossed in front of him, his messy hair, the shell necklace around his throat.

Jeremy's confused now as he repeats his words, "I asked if something is wrong."

Jean's grey eyes search his brown ones, frantically, desperately. "N-no. Before that," he chokes out.

"That I love you?" Jeremy says again. And Jean thinks, there's no air left. There's no air left in his lungs. How is he saying those words? Like that? Like it's easy.

It takes Jeremy a second to connect the dots between Jean's questioning and his now obvious slow decline into distress. But something shifts in his eyes and he says it again. "I love you, Jean."

Jean's breath hitches in his throat and his heart is now pounding mercilessly under his chest. There's something growing inside him. Something familiar and scary, that usually he'd grab hold of and rip out like a tenacious stubborn weed, so it can't grow back.

But it does.

And this thing inside him, this particular thing, he suspects has been burrowing itself down, digging roots deep into him for a while. So much so that he's not sure he can ever pull it out now. Or that he'll need to.

Then something wet drips down his chin, and it's only when Jeremy reaches up with hesitating fingers to swipe across his cheek that he realises he's crying. His eyes slip closed and he feels Jeremy move closer as he tries and fails to wipe Jean's unrelenting tears that keep spilling down his cheeks. It's as bad as when Cat makes him cut up onions. It just won't stop.

"Hey, hey what's wrong? Should I not have said it? I'm sorry. It just slipped out I won't say it again if-"

This thing growing inside him, whatever it is, bends towards Jeremy's voice like a flower in the sun.

"No," Jean chokes out, cutting Jeremy off. "Say it again. Please." The last word whispered, the sound torn desperately from his lips like a prayer.

Jeremy's quiet before he leans forward and presses his forehead to Jean's. His breath hitting Jean's cheek, he says "I love you." He kisses Jean's forehead. "I love you." Then his cheeks "I love you. I love you." His nose. "I love you." His temples. "I love you." He pauses at Jean's mouth and Jean tilts his own chin up so their lips are just brushing. His breath is still shaky, but each declaration from Jeremy is like a mouthful of air.

Jeremy says so quietly, only for the two of them to hear, "I love you, Jean Moreau." Then Jean is pressing their lips together, with a renewed burst of something. He kisses Jeremy fierce and deep and when he pulls away he whispers it against his mouth too. Finding himself unsurprised by how steadily the words leave his own lips.

That thing inside him, it seems to sag in relief. He's felt those three words for a while. A long while, but now he's secure in the knowledge that it's safe to say them back. "I love you too," he tells Jeremy. It's the first time Jean has heard it from anyone in a long long time, but he already knows he'll never tire from hearing it. It's also the first time he can remember saying it out loud too. And he finds he likes the way it sounds falling from his mouth.

(it's not long before he starts saying it in French. And when he does, he doesn't go back)

I am in suffering. My phone is completely broken and you cant fast pass on PC, SBG my heart yearns for you :(

totally spoiled some of the most recent chapter but that's okay, I just pray they make it out of their situation and I get a happy moment when I can finally read it again

Always available!

reblog if your inbox is always open for new members of the fandom who may be a little shy or intimidated. doesn’t matter whether or not you’re a “popular blog”; everyone here is equal and if you’re reading this as a new person/someone considering entering the fandom, we will not turn you away!!!! talk to us!! make friends!! i more than understand being shy but trust me this fandom is chill come join us in this hellhole

This is me everyday of my life for the past 8 years

Surprisingly not SBG related 😅

I just finsihed reading All For The Game and I am so hyperfixated and need to rant about it

Spoilers

1. People do not talk enough about how Neil told Kevin to get his pycho on a leash or he will and the forever after Andrew told him to never pull his leash again, they highlight his perfect memory all of the time and this is just another one of those moment but like Andrew knew that Neil was right when he said that. He does have a leash, and Kevin has pulled it a lot, whether he means to or not. But Neil has it too, but he doesnt use it the same, instead he holds tight and gives Andrew the choice, every time he give him the choice.

Like Andrew knows wholeheartedly Neil is his weak point even if he refuses to admit it but he has to say something about being emotionally manipulated, but I think it was more of a warning than a threat. He knows Neil has an upper hand, his 'dont pull my leash' seems more like 'you can make me do anything with a single word and that scares me' Neil is different to him and I think he is so entranced and terrfied of that realization, hints the 'its not a this' because if it was he could lose it. He has been pulled and pushed and dragged around for so long, he refuses to let the one person who asks him to do the same. Neil doesnt need to manipulate Andrew because Andrew is so willing to do anything he asks.

2. The whole please conversation broke me. I had to take a moment to calm down because it hit so horribly close to home. Andrew has been used and assulted and belittled for simply being there. He so desperately wants affection, who doesnt, but the memories of someone doing things to him against his will is so haunting. Thats why the yes or no is so important to him every single time, nevermind the always, he will ask anyway, because no one ever asked him. His 'no' was vetoed and his 'please' ignored. Neil didn't even need to know this to stop cold in his tracks the moment Andrew said to. Neil knows Andrew doesn't like to be touched and the breif moments when its allowed are barely okay, so he doesn’t push it because he doesn't want to lose those moments. He is willing to stand with time and wilter waiting for when its okay again. Yes sometimes he has reached out or crossed a line but several more times he reminded himself, he doesn't like to be touched. 'His hand froze a hair away' 'he remembered last second' and so many more times he forced himself not to because he has no right. Andrew sees this, sees how he is so willing to actively not hurt him. Neil disgards the times Andrew has crossed a line, has hurt his friends or got so angry he saw red because he undrestand how desperately Andrew is searching for control, of anything, he's never had it before. He could have killed Allison for slapping Aaron. He so tightly holds onto the few things he has. He won't let someone hurt or break or take anything he has left. Which is why I believe he hesitates when Neil says he's not going anywhere, because he has fought tooth and nail for all he has, to keep Aaron who wants to leave, to hold himself together after all he has been through. Neil is willing to stay by his side and asked Andrew to stop fighting for him. The simple 'no' followed by 'thats why' is all Neil needed to understand, Andrew wants Neil because he is willing to put himself aside. Because his 'no' means so much to Neil, and he would never break it.

I came so close to tear with these books 😭

I feel like I am the only one worried about this

Sbg spoliers

I am very relieved that everyone is, for the most part, okay. However, I feel like they are getting set up for something bad to happen. Not only do they have a long journey ahead of them but Logan is their long distance defense. He has saved them a number of times and now he can't see. Ben is their strongest (in debate 😂) and has a sprained wrist. They are all beat up, covered in bruises. (I think it was Tyler who said his ribs hurt) I just feel like they are going to get into a situation where they can't protect themselves because their usualdefenses have been weakened. Maybe I am just paranoid but Im not fully relieved yet.

🥲

Imagine being Ben in episode 60. Like being trapped in a crumbling building covering his friend who they all just unkebabed from a tree.

And then over to the doorway Ben hear his cousin say "Oh shoot" as he watches as the ceiling crushes him. Like I feel like we don't tall about this enough, but Ben watched Aiden die and he couldn't move because he was covering Tyler.

Like he watched the cousin who took him in and welcome him into his home die. The cousin that helped him calm down whenever he felt himself get angry. The cousin who was always there for him, always smiling, joking and talking to him. And he just watched him die. He heard the ceiling fall, he heard the crunch of the ceiling crushing Aiden's head. He heard and saw it all and there was nothing he could do but watch Ashlyn and Taylor drag his limp body under a table and watch them cover him.

Spoilers

Her letting Aiden and Taylor braid her hair, and then her reaching out to Aiden when she was scared of what to do (plus him getting upset by flash backs) she really is becoming so much more comfortable and dependent on them 🥲

erm little Ashlyn rant (very big spoilers if ur not caught up with sbg)

I don’t think we talk enough about how much Ashlyn has grown and gotten more comfortable in the group. She was vulnerable before they got the jeep, even if it was just a little bit. And when Aiden died she immediately ran in to hug him. WHAT?! She has explicitly never done that. That’s something she explicitly HATES doing, but she did it with zero hesitation because she cares for him. When they were separated in the hospital for that little bit, when Logan and Ben found her, she ALSO immediately ran to hug them. Zero hesitation. She did the same when they found Taylor. (Not Tyler for obvious reasons and for some reason not Aiden but the thought still counts.)

and later when the group was finally together again after the whole ‘Ashlyn touching a phantom’ thing, Taylor and Aiden were WRAPPED. AROUND. HER. Sure, she told them to get off, but it just didn’t seem like she hated it like she would in the earlier season/episodes.

and earlier, when they just got to the hospital and Alex was questioning Ashlyn, she immediately asked where her friends were. Word for word, she asked “Where are my friends?” HELLO? She’s never called them her friends before. Maybe she didn’t say it to their face, but she still called them her friends. Also the fact that they were immediately her first priority. Not “where am I?” “Where are my parents”, no, she saved that for later. First, she needed to know her friends were safe.

and I would mention the whole Aiden and Ashlyn talk after they get the jeep but that would get me talking for a WHILE, and this is getting long sooo

BUT IT IS SO FUCKING CUTE AND I LOVE HER DEVELOPMENT AND SHE LOVES AND CARES FOR THEM AND SHES SUCH A WELL WRITTEN CHRACTER WAHHHHHH