spiritofsteamboat

Latest Posts by spiritofsteamboat

To put my eyes in a ceramic bowl of ice water while I rinse my sockets with freezing water feeling the forming shards of ice prick my flesh as it does to my throat sounds divine

My friends grandmother like two years ago was complaining to her about how she couldn’t jump anymore and I think about it on the weekly sometimes I have to get up to make sure I still can

Every time I verbalise a statement I have made that realisation many times in my head years ago it just hasn’t become a practice for me until now so I’m sharing it with you, please do not take my statement as if I had just come to the realisation of this, I am not a white man thinking he is some philosophical whiz for thinking he is an original thinker, I know I am not but please still let me share this with you

My Roman Empire asides from the mentally ill thoughts of killing myself is wanting to remove my eyes and pop them into a bowl of ice water I think it would be refreshing and a nice little reprieve from how warm they are

I’m glad no one I know now met me as a child; I was abhorrent and scared. They would not of looked at me highly.

The biggest betrayal is when my cat likes the person I hate

Love when I blow on my dog and she justs-

One of my dearest friends has used the classic response “your mum” to answer my questions repeatedly this week and I’ve been able to say, with glee, the blessed words “my mum is dead” and get to watch her face fall while I cackle at her misfortune of habitual response and the fact this has happened 3 days in a row now

😳🤪🥰😭😔🥰😘👀😎😗🤪😏🙏🐺😮🥲😍😍🥰🤨🤨😏😒😔☹️🫶✌️🤘🤟😳😔😭😎👀🤨💀👆🙏😈🥺🥳😗

I have three calluses on my middle finger that make it look a bit janky and everytime someone asks a question I have to give them the awful truth that one of them is caused by writing with a fucked up grip because my fingers over extend another one is caused by pencil sharpening and the last one is caused by the balloon pump I use to blow up my balloon animals I make when I dress up as a clown

My mind don’t jiggle jiggle it folds

I’ve got mad cow disease for sure

I wish cameras weren’t as accessible and high quality as they are now I would love to be this cringy emo kid who has a bunch of cringe interests but people have phones and social media now so all the fun has been sapped out due to not wanting to be bullied

Samsara room my beloved 🫶🫶🫶😍😍🥰🥰

Cube escape my beloved 🫶🫶

I feel bad for the people who don’t have clothes lines. They have never felt a wash basket dig on the side of their hip as they walk across the ground. They’ve never experienced matching clothes pegs to your fabrics or hiding between the sheets to get to the wire in the next row and feeling the coolness of the wet fabric a wonderful reprieve from the sunlight beating down on their neck. They’ve never taken their clothes off the line and felt the warmth and natural ironing of fresh shirts and socks kissed by the sun. They’ve never had to run outside to pull down their laundry having pegs fly everywhere in their rush to get their clothes inside before the rain completely drenched them. They have never stood outside listening to the birds sing and cicadas chatter while the wind rustle the gum trees stood tall in their backyard with a slight whisper of neighbours having drinks or the occasional yell of children at the park just down the road.

If someone were to give me babys-breath I would fall in love with them instantly

Craig Johnson -Junkyard Dogs-

Lines I like from this book

“So, has the Basquo talked to you?”

I started to yawn and covered my mouth with my hand. “About what?” “Quitting.”

“Hey, Geo, how are things up at the dump?”

His expression took on a serious quality, but he was nothing if not unfailingly polite. “With all due respect, Walt, Municipal Solid Waste Facility.”

“Fuck you.”

“It’s amazing the respect I seem to command from my staff, isn’t it?”

“How is your foot?”

“Fabulous.”

He studied me with a look, and the only description that might apply would be askance. “You’re still limping.”

“I’ve come to consider it a character trait.”

“Take off your hat.”

“I don’t think that’s going to help with the limp.”

“It would appear, that at the dump—”

“You mean the Municipal Solid Waste Facility?”

since I’d pitched the last one into the Powder River after I decided that I was not a black hat kinda guy.

As he secured the Beretta, I turned and saw the strangest thing I’d seen all day, and I’d seen a lot of strangeness up to this point. George Stewart and my ninth-grade English/civics teacher were entwined in a passionate kiss.

“I’m not so sure that would strictly define the environs of the dump.”

“Municipal Solid Waste Facility.” Evidently Geo had educated the Doc, too.

“grand matron of Redhills Rancho Arroyo is shtupping the junkman?”

“I think Municipal Solid Waste Facility Engineer is the title he prefers.”

“Another good reason for you to not move to New Mexico—it’s warm down there, and you can bleed to death.”

I left Dog with Henry, Henry with Vic, and Vic with Ozzie.

I waited for her to provide the rest so that I wouldn’t have to come across with a more palatable version of shtupping the junkman.

“That I what, Sheriff?”

I was going to have to come across with a more palatable version of shtupping the junkman.

We circled to the right and the open window. We hadn’t bothered with bars since it was so small and high up and because I was practically the only one who used the shower.

“How in the hell did he get through that?”

I shot a look at her. “Determination.”

“Sorry to interrupt, but have you seen a man in a bathrobe run by here?”

Trudy Thorburn, a diminutive blonde, pointed. “He went thatta way, Walt.”

“Thank you.”

“I quit too, and I’m moving to a place where the temperature is in double digits.”

“What kind of shotgun?”

“20-gauge, coach gun.”

“Why in the hell would he buy something like that?”

“Only thing that would fit under his bathrobe?”

“Ozzie, if you shoot me I am going to be very disappointed in you.”

“Did you ever get an X-ray series done after the accident?”

“Which one?”

He shook his head at me,

“Are you all right?”

“I am a clamorous harbinger of blood and death.”

“Is everybody in this county a smart-ass?”

My deputy sipped her coffee. “Pretty much.”

“Ruby said to tell you that if you don’t go, she’s quitting, too.”

“You’re limping.”

“Yep, but I don’t think it has anything to do with my eye.”

Henry stood, looking at me and the bathroom, where no sounds escaped. “You do not have a window in there, do you?”

“So while old lady Dobbs is shtupping the junkman, Ozzie is shtupping the granddaughter?”

I opened my eyes just a little and couldn’t see much better than when they were closed.

Craig Johnson -Death Without Company-

Lines I like from this book.

-“Jules?” “Yep?” “Do you ever shut up?” “Nope”

- I took a sip of my coffee for dramatic effect.

- “We’re putting together a petition to get you to shave.”

- “Don’t call me sir. I ain’t yer daddy, far as we know.”

- ‘a life without friends means death without company.’

-“I was quite a hottie back then.”

-But I had told them all I would only get a cellphone if they let me get a computer; so far, we were at a stalemate.

-“You’ve grown a beard?” “Yes.” “I don’t like it.” “Nobody does.”

-“Surely you know. Lucian Connally killed him.”

-Her long dark hair hides the face that is bowed to a god that no longer hears.

- “Daddy I know what I’m getting you for Christmas.” “What?” “A razor.”

- That’s what I got when I quoted Shakespeare to other sheriffs.

Craig Johnson -Hell is Empty-

Lines I like from this book

- “We are pawns to these spirits, souls they play with for there own satisfaction like hand games.”

- “Sorry it’s kind of an inside joke—.”

- “do you think you’re a good man, Sheriff?” “I hope so.”

- “Dog is drinking wine?” She exhaled audibly. “Well, I poured him some; so far he’s just looking at it.”

- “Isn’t that kind of like putting the monsters of you imagination against the monsters of human nature?”

- “I’ve got bad news; it looks like you’re going to make it.”

- “Well, at least my breath will be kissing-sweet.” He stared at me. I swear Vic was the only one who got my jokes.

- “I said don’t move.” “Actually, you didn’t.” “Shut up!”

- “What the fuck?” “You said get rid of the gun.” “What, you think I can’t get up there or what?” “Well, you are kind of short.”

-“I think that after that epic display of catlike grace, we can safely say they’re not keeping too close of a watch on us.” “Fuck you, man.”

-“Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.”

-“Hector, I don’t think a mountain lion is going to be bold enough to break down the door to get in here even if she feels like a little Mexican.” “Fuck you.”

-Pissed in the snow bank was a single word.

Raynaud Shade had pretty good handwriting, considering the instrument.

- I just had to find a way to pass the time. I looked down at the book on my chest. I was going to have to get pretty desperate to start in on that. (Next page; the beginnings of the book)

-and remembered one of my late wife’s slogans about smoking: “Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs.”

-You fool—you’re aiming at your own shadow and attempting to shoot your echo.