Craig Johnson -Junkyard Dogs-
Lines I like from this book
“So, has the Basquo talked to you?”
I started to yawn and covered my mouth with my hand. “About what?” “Quitting.”
“Hey, Geo, how are things up at the dump?”
His expression took on a serious quality, but he was nothing if not unfailingly polite. “With all due respect, Walt, Municipal Solid Waste Facility.”
“Fuck you.”
“It’s amazing the respect I seem to command from my staff, isn’t it?”
“How is your foot?”
“Fabulous.”
He studied me with a look, and the only description that might apply would be askance. “You’re still limping.”
“I’ve come to consider it a character trait.”
“Take off your hat.”
“I don’t think that’s going to help with the limp.”
“It would appear, that at the dump—”
“You mean the Municipal Solid Waste Facility?”
since I’d pitched the last one into the Powder River after I decided that I was not a black hat kinda guy.
As he secured the Beretta, I turned and saw the strangest thing I’d seen all day, and I’d seen a lot of strangeness up to this point. George Stewart and my ninth-grade English/civics teacher were entwined in a passionate kiss.
“I’m not so sure that would strictly define the environs of the dump.”
“Municipal Solid Waste Facility.” Evidently Geo had educated the Doc, too.
“grand matron of Redhills Rancho Arroyo is shtupping the junkman?”
“I think Municipal Solid Waste Facility Engineer is the title he prefers.”
“Another good reason for you to not move to New Mexico—it’s warm down there, and you can bleed to death.”
I left Dog with Henry, Henry with Vic, and Vic with Ozzie.
I waited for her to provide the rest so that I wouldn’t have to come across with a more palatable version of shtupping the junkman.
“That I what, Sheriff?”
I was going to have to come across with a more palatable version of shtupping the junkman.
We circled to the right and the open window. We hadn’t bothered with bars since it was so small and high up and because I was practically the only one who used the shower.
“How in the hell did he get through that?”
I shot a look at her. “Determination.”
“Sorry to interrupt, but have you seen a man in a bathrobe run by here?”
Trudy Thorburn, a diminutive blonde, pointed. “He went thatta way, Walt.”
“Thank you.”
“I quit too, and I’m moving to a place where the temperature is in double digits.”
“What kind of shotgun?”
“20-gauge, coach gun.”
“Why in the hell would he buy something like that?”
“Only thing that would fit under his bathrobe?”
“Ozzie, if you shoot me I am going to be very disappointed in you.”
“Did you ever get an X-ray series done after the accident?”
“Which one?”
He shook his head at me,
“Are you all right?”
“I am a clamorous harbinger of blood and death.”
“Is everybody in this county a smart-ass?”
My deputy sipped her coffee. “Pretty much.”
“Ruby said to tell you that if you don’t go, she’s quitting, too.”
“You’re limping.”
“Yep, but I don’t think it has anything to do with my eye.”
Henry stood, looking at me and the bathroom, where no sounds escaped. “You do not have a window in there, do you?”
“So while old lady Dobbs is shtupping the junkman, Ozzie is shtupping the granddaughter?”
I opened my eyes just a little and couldn’t see much better than when they were closed.
Craig Johnson -Death Without Company-
Lines I like from this book.
-“Jules?” “Yep?” “Do you ever shut up?” “Nope”
- I took a sip of my coffee for dramatic effect.
- “We’re putting together a petition to get you to shave.”
- “Don’t call me sir. I ain’t yer daddy, far as we know.”
- ‘a life without friends means death without company.’
-“I was quite a hottie back then.”
-But I had told them all I would only get a cellphone if they let me get a computer; so far, we were at a stalemate.
-“You’ve grown a beard?” “Yes.” “I don’t like it.” “Nobody does.”
-“Surely you know. Lucian Connally killed him.”
-Her long dark hair hides the face that is bowed to a god that no longer hears.
- “Daddy I know what I’m getting you for Christmas.” “What?” “A razor.”
- That’s what I got when I quoted Shakespeare to other sheriffs.
Craig Johnson -Hell is Empty-
Lines I like from this book
- “We are pawns to these spirits, souls they play with for there own satisfaction like hand games.”
- “Sorry it’s kind of an inside joke—.”
- “do you think you’re a good man, Sheriff?” “I hope so.”
- “Dog is drinking wine?” She exhaled audibly. “Well, I poured him some; so far he’s just looking at it.”
- “Isn’t that kind of like putting the monsters of you imagination against the monsters of human nature?”
- “I’ve got bad news; it looks like you’re going to make it.”
- “Well, at least my breath will be kissing-sweet.” He stared at me. I swear Vic was the only one who got my jokes.
- “I said don’t move.” “Actually, you didn’t.” “Shut up!”
- “What the fuck?” “You said get rid of the gun.” “What, you think I can’t get up there or what?” “Well, you are kind of short.”
-“I think that after that epic display of catlike grace, we can safely say they’re not keeping too close of a watch on us.” “Fuck you, man.”
-“Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.”
-“Hector, I don’t think a mountain lion is going to be bold enough to break down the door to get in here even if she feels like a little Mexican.” “Fuck you.”
-Pissed in the snow bank was a single word.
Raynaud Shade had pretty good handwriting, considering the instrument.
- I just had to find a way to pass the time. I looked down at the book on my chest. I was going to have to get pretty desperate to start in on that. (Next page; the beginnings of the book)
-and remembered one of my late wife’s slogans about smoking: “Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs.”
-You fool—you’re aiming at your own shadow and attempting to shoot your echo.