One Key Part Of Relationships (platonic, Romantic, Etc) Is Communication. We All Hear This. It’s Said

heal. your mom may never apologize to you, because she has conditioned herself to believe that she did right by you. she hasn't healed. heal anyway. your father may never apologize to you, because he can only see what he's done right. he hasn't healed. your family members may never apologize to you, because toxicity is what they were raised on. they haven't healed. heal anyway. that "friend" may never apologize to you, because he/she isn't sorry. he/she hasn't healed. if/when they reach their healing, they may seek your forgiveness. be so healed that it won't even matter. heal for you. you owe yourself that much.

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Seeking control isn’t inherently bad.

I am enjoying the silence, the deliberate choices to filter out the noise that isn’t contributing to a semblance of peace. I decide what to read, who to converse with, and who to visit. I bought this massive crossword puzzle book for $15 to ponder when my mind starts to wander. It wanders often. No matter how many times I reassure myself that I need to prioritize my own mental health so I can better help others, I end up feeling guilty and dismiss my feelings despite the reassurance that these feelings are valid.

I'm nowhere close to having processed my own past. My therapist has talked of retirement within the next year and a half or so, which has kicked off worries of what it will mean to try finding a new therapist, establishing rapport and trust, and doing this all over again. That’s tough to do, even if it could lead to feeling more comfortable talking about my life up until this point. The prospect of searching for a new therapist I can vibe with is worrisome. Can I do without? I don’t know. I told my grandma as much.

Tomorrow hasn’t even arrived and I dread visiting with extended family members I haven’t bothered talking to in probably close to a decade over the comments they made about my mom and I, not to mention their shitty treatment. My mom tried to extend an olive branch. Neither of them have changed much. It’ll be in a setting with my grandparents and two other family members who genuinely care about others. Still, this is one reason why I’m not fond of the holidays - too much drama and politicking.

I’d love to be in the spirit of the holiday season. I envy those who can embrace it wholeheartedly without any reservations. They exude joy and excitement, and sometimes it’s enough to spark a flicker of happiness. The light goes out when I’m reminded of how busy work has become and how this is likely the new norm. There is no promise of help. We fight for scraps. There are days where I don’t have the energy or the emotional capacity to persuade myself that this has a positive impact even if I can’t see it in the moment.

I couldn’t focus long enough to read tonight. All I want is to rest and to find a path to taking better care of myself instead of languishing like this. It has to get better.

Sometimes, you have to decide, “this is the last time these people are gonna make me feel this way” and stand on it. Whether it’s family, a relationship, or a friendship.

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

holding yourself accountable and tearing yourself down are two different things

I think one of the kindest things you can do for people with various mental health struggles is just... let people back into your life after they've been absent for a while.

Making friends as an adult is so fucking hard already and isolating yourself from other people is a very common symptom of depression, anxiety, burnout, ocd, trauma, grief, etc. Which means that someone will do the hard work of recovery/healing and resurface back into a world where their previous friends have written them off because they stopped showing up.

So if you know someone where you're like "yeah we could have been better friends but they fell off the map a bit" and that person suddenly reaches out, or starts showing up to events even though you kind of forgot they were still in the group chat... well they may have been Going Through It and you don't actually have to punish them for their absence you can just be glad that they're back.