Strongshape - Mishmash

“Only those who care about you, can hear you when you’re quiet.”

— lieinlove

This is new to me. Sure, asking someone not to talk about certain subjects seemed obvious, but the rest? Nobody ever really told me what a boundary can be, nor did I feel like I could do some of the things mentioned.

This #SelfCareSunday wisdom comes from "Raising Good Humans" by Hunter Clarke-Fields (a book about parenting with some really great sections on mindfulness and self-care). I really love the simple way she explains setting boundaries as establishing what your needs are. This topic has been kind of tricky for me in the past, so I appreciate the reframing to help me understand it better. As I've made a comic about previously, my chosen theme for this year is being a cycle breaker, and setting boundaries plays a huge role in that. A hard cycle to break is "people-pleasing" and putting others' needs first at the expense of one's own well-being. I'm hoping to work on that this year!

Would you ever tell another survivor that their triggers are stupid?

Would you ever tell another survivor that their experience wasn’t “bad enough?”

Would you ever tell another survivor to “get over it?”

No? That’s what I thought. So, why are you an exception? Why are you not as deserving of your compassion and understanding?

Please show yourself that same compassion, because you are worthy of it.

being like this and living with someone who doesn't understand is so hard.

I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:

It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.

Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.

1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.

2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?

3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?

4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”

5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.

6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)

hi, a lot of you need a perspective reset

the average human lifespan globally is 70+ years

taking the threshold of adulthood as 18, you are likely to spend at least 52 years as a fully grown adult

at the age of 30 you have lived less than one quarter of your adult life (12/52 years)

'middle age' is typically considered to be between 45-65

it is extremely common to switch careers, start new relationships, emigrate, go to college for the first or second time, or make other life-changing decisions in middle age

it's wild that I even have to spell it out, but older adults (60+) still have social lives and hobbies and interests.

you can still date when you get old. you can still fuck. you can still learn new skills, be fashionable, be competitive. you can still gossip, you can still travel, you can still read. you can still transition. you can still come out.

young doesn't mean peaked. you're inexperienced in your 20s! you're still learning and practicing! you're developing social skills and muscle memory that will last decades!

there are a million things to do in the world, and they don't vanish overnight because an imaginary number gets too big