Strongshape - Mishmash

Would you ever tell another survivor that their triggers are stupid?

Would you ever tell another survivor that their experience wasn’t “bad enough?”

Would you ever tell another survivor to “get over it?”

No? That’s what I thought. So, why are you an exception? Why are you not as deserving of your compassion and understanding?

Please show yourself that same compassion, because you are worthy of it.

“So self-sabotage, as the name suggests, are the behaviors that we engage in which both consciously but also unconsciously take good things from ourself. So it might be success, it might be happiness, it might be the very things that we need or that we hope for. And again, we might ask ourselves, why on earth would you do that to yourself? […]

There was a psychoanalyst called Ronald Fairbairn, and in the early 50s, this was something that he wrote about, particularly within a relational context. So he spoke about the internal saboteur, and the internal saboteur is a manifestation of taking something good from ourselves, but it comes from early experiences of being rejected. If we feel rejected, particularly as a child, this can give way to quite unbearable and intolerable feelings of anger, which feel difficult to manage.

So the way that becomes processed is by denying the very need that we have for the other. So any kind of neediness that we then feel within us becomes despised, hated and unacknowledged. And as such, we will then deliberately take good things away from ourselves or avoid engaging in certain relationships because to sit with that need and to be met with rejection feels absolutely annihilating.

So we deny actually having those needs to begin with. So in some way, you then leave yourself feeling safe from being rejected, but you unintentionally then rob yourself of the very thing that you crave.”

— Ryan Bennett-Clarke, Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri: Self-sabotage

Morgan Harper Nichols

So many people treat anger as something inherently toxic that you have to repress, but it can actually be a sign of growth and recovery. If you have been through trauma and abuse, reaching a place where you're able to go "your behavior is not acceptable and I'm not going to tolerate it because I know I deserve better" is very much a GOOD thing

a normal and average sunday consists of lying on the ground thinking about how much I'd like to go back and do everything again because this time I'd do everything right

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

Reminder that you're actually interesting. Your hobbies are interesting, your interests are interesting, you are important and loveable and people appreciate you. You're just a loveable, interesting person.

toastedbyeli