The Secret To Life Is Always Having Something To Look Forward To

things to not dwell on:

people who treated you badly

things you can’t change

comparing yourself to others

things to think about more:

baby animals

people who love u unconditionally

good things in your life that make you happy

days and times to look forward to

Adapted from Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

What is a need? (Adapted from this article)

It’s important to be connected to our needs because true needs are always in our best long term interest. Our needs for air, food, water, shelter, community, companionship, autonomy, respect, etc. are all in our best long term interest to fulfill.

Wants, on the other hand, don’t necessarily correlate with long term well-being. In fact, many wants, when fulfilled, actually contribute to our long term detriment.

Put another way: needs refer to the conditions that must be met in order for us to live a balanced life; whereas wants are strategies we use to fulfill our needs. This is why needs inherently map to long term well-being, while wants don’t have such a correlation. Wants can either contribute to our long-term wellbeing, or they contribute to our long-term detriment. In order for our wants to be good for us in the long-term, we must understand which needs they map back to.

Ideally, we should be connected to our needs first, and our wants second. When we become disconnected from our needs due to past trauma, we rely too heavily on our wants to guide our decision making. The disconnection from our needs increases the likelihood that we will attach to wants that lead to our long-term detriment. 

Reminder that you're actually interesting. Your hobbies are interesting, your interests are interesting, you are important and loveable and people appreciate you. You're just a loveable, interesting person.

You will not stay stuck in the same patterns forever. You are capable of change. It might be small and you may not be able to see the change day to day, but over time things will get better.

Cat Series a series of cats placed on flatbed scanners

I think the hot new trends for this summer should be reading comprehension and critical thinking skills

Laura K Linke

Dandelion creed

“So self-sabotage, as the name suggests, are the behaviors that we engage in which both consciously but also unconsciously take good things from ourself. So it might be success, it might be happiness, it might be the very things that we need or that we hope for. And again, we might ask ourselves, why on earth would you do that to yourself? […]

There was a psychoanalyst called Ronald Fairbairn, and in the early 50s, this was something that he wrote about, particularly within a relational context. So he spoke about the internal saboteur, and the internal saboteur is a manifestation of taking something good from ourselves, but it comes from early experiences of being rejected. If we feel rejected, particularly as a child, this can give way to quite unbearable and intolerable feelings of anger, which feel difficult to manage.

So the way that becomes processed is by denying the very need that we have for the other. So any kind of neediness that we then feel within us becomes despised, hated and unacknowledged. And as such, we will then deliberately take good things away from ourselves or avoid engaging in certain relationships because to sit with that need and to be met with rejection feels absolutely annihilating.

So we deny actually having those needs to begin with. So in some way, you then leave yourself feeling safe from being rejected, but you unintentionally then rob yourself of the very thing that you crave.”

— Ryan Bennett-Clarke, Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri: Self-sabotage

Progress is still progress!

It doesn't matter if you hadn't done the things you were supposed to do. It doesn't matter that if you finished 1 thing out of 4 things. You don't have 3 more things to do, you have 1 less thing to complete.

It doesn't matter if you had relapsed after a day or 3 of productivity and healing into a spiral again. What matters is that you get back up and start again. Because now you're a bit stronger and more resilient than before.

It doesn't matter if all you did today was getting out of bed, eat and change your clothes while you did nothing else. Appreciate yourself and give yourself the credit you deserve for doing those small things.

It doesn't matter if the only thing you did today was to focus on existing and on yourself alone. Be proud of surviving till the end of the day because you made it through knowing that there was a possibility of you not making it.

Progress is still progress. It doesn't matter if you take small or big steps. You're taking a step and that's all that matters.