“So Self-sabotage, As The Name Suggests, Are The Behaviors That We Engage In Which Both Consciously

33

I am going to see my dad today. He is still on the ventilator and probably will be for the next few days.

I am not ready to lose a parent.

I have hope that the hospital he’s at now can fix this. But I am still scared and overwhelmed.

You’re tired. Burnt out. Exhausted. Stressed.

This lowers your capacity for emotional regulation.

You’ll cry more easily. Get dragged into low moods more easily. Simple little things where you’re like ‘dang, that shouldn’t hit so hard,’ will wallop you.

This will trick you into thinking you’re weak and can’t handle life. A loser.

Not so my friend.

It’s a signal that you need a nap, need to allow for more sleep at night, need to prioritize and scale back on what you can accomplish in a day, need to take a mental health day or even a leave.

Something’s got to give.

But!

It’s not your self worth.

you're not a monster. you're you. you're flawed, yes, but you're also incredibly alive. just human. real. capable of great things, capable of change and growth, too. don't define yourself by the inner critic lashing out at you. you're not your worst moments.

holding yourself accountable and tearing yourself down are two different things

What you call self-sabotage might just be your body saying: "Familiar pain feels safer than unfamiliar peace"

What you call procrastination might just be your body saying: "I'm overwhelmed and everything feels too much"

What you call anxiety might just be your body saying: "I've been in danger before, and I don't know if it's over yet"

What you call neediness might just be your body saying: "I didn't get what I needed, and I'm still longing"

What you call overreacting might just be your body saying: "This feels like danger to me because it once was"

What you call emotional instability might just be your body saying: "I was never taught that feeling emotions could be safe"

What you call resistance might just be your body saying: "I don't feel safe enough to do what you want me to"

What you call laziness might just be your body saying: "I'm frozen because I had to work hard for too long"*

What you call numbness might just be your body saying: "I had to shut down to keep you safe"

What you call avoidance might just be your body saying: "Im not ready to face this yet. I need slower exposure to it"

(the.trauma.educator on ig)

*gentle reminder that body gets tired also after doing mentally draining work/job (which includes feeling stressed too, not just studying or working 9-5 in front of a computer -which holds responsabilities, anyway)

how to deal with going from talking to someone every day to reverting to basically strangers:

don’t build them up in your head and idolize them as more than another human being. take off the rose colored glasses.

talk to new people and be open to being vulnerable again.

slowly learn to enjoy the time you spend with yourself.

write down things you want to say to them but can’t and just keep them for yourself to go over later.

go places you used to go to with them and make new memories.

be patient with yourself.

remind yourself that some relationships aren’t meant to last but that doesn’t mean you have to forget them completely.

Please stop saying things like "There are two types of people..." or "There are two options..." "It's either...or...". No! False. Wrong.

There are so many types of people, so many options, that you would need several giant books to write everything in. There are at least 8 billion types of humans, with more than one defining trait. Then, all the myriads of options for everything else that exists. After that, you just have to add all the options and types for everything you don't know and won't know in your lifetime about people, elements and life on Earth, the Solar System and the Universe.

How could there ever be two options/types/behaviors/ideas/elements of anything?

Life is naturally complex.

Stop trying to reduce it.

Stop trying to feel as if you understand it.

It's okay if you don't.