I Think For A Lot Of Us, Recovery Isn’t About Not Having Triggers Anymore Or Not Having Symptoms. I

So many people treat anger as something inherently toxic that you have to repress, but it can actually be a sign of growth and recovery. If you have been through trauma and abuse, reaching a place where you're able to go "your behavior is not acceptable and I'm not going to tolerate it because I know I deserve better" is very much a GOOD thing

If someone is critically watching your every move in order to punish, judge and shame you, it's because THEY are abusive, not because YOU are a bad person.

things people don’t talk about enough with cptsd:

feeling like you’re back in traumatic situations when you get triggered/overreacting to perceived threats

not trusting people easily and pushing people away when triggered

increased risk of ending up in abusive/toxic environments

feeling exhausted for long periods of time

physical symptoms like nausea, migraines, body pain

regularly feeling guilty or embarrassed

feeling “different”, “damaged”, or “dirty”

not trusting your own feelings

relapsing after a major trigger

being uncertain of identity

intrusive thoughts of being harmed

experiencing age regression

compulsive masturbation/hypersexuality

attempts to avoid abandonment

over-communicating while feeling scared of true vulnerability

addictive and adrenaline-seeking personality traits

feeling the need to keep things secret or rebel

Franz Kafka — Letters to Felice (1912-1917)

But let's be honest,

it wasn't that you loved me,

it was simply that you needed me

to complete your checklist.

You needed me to listen to your stories

and tell you that you are right,

and keep your ego

always polished and shiny.

And it wasn't that I loved you,

I just wanted so desperately to be wanted.

I needed to feel leaned on,

and wanted you to fill my ache.

I was so young and misguided,

that I didn't know what love was,

or how to even apply it.

I didn't even know that love was missing

between us.