Strongshape - Mishmash

“I lied and said I was busy.

I was busy;

but not in a way most people understand.

I was busy taking deeper breaths.

I was busy silencing irrational thoughts.

I was busy calming a racing heart.

I was busy telling myself I am okay.

Sometimes, this is my busy -

and I will not apologize for it.”

- Brittin Oakman

- Artwork : Sivan.ka

you can't just switch off years of unhealthy behaviors, negative thought patterns, and counterproductive emotions. but u can recognize them and be like 'i'm not engaging. this isn't the end of the world. i'm box breathing. i'm not giving those thoughts attention; i'm acknowledging them and letting them go. i'm going to take a break when i can.' don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't work or you do something that feels like you've set yourself back. that doesn't help, either, lol

- 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚊𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚑 𝚜.

heal. your mom may never apologize to you, because she has conditioned herself to believe that she did right by you. she hasn't healed. heal anyway. your father may never apologize to you, because he can only see what he's done right. he hasn't healed. your family members may never apologize to you, because toxicity is what they were raised on. they haven't healed. heal anyway. that "friend" may never apologize to you, because he/she isn't sorry. he/she hasn't healed. if/when they reach their healing, they may seek your forgiveness. be so healed that it won't even matter. heal for you. you owe yourself that much.

Artwork Copyright © Tyler Spangler

Shop: shoptylerspangler.com

You weren’t abused because you were a “bad child”. You were abused because they were abusive.

They only said those things to try and find some justification for their abuse.

you have to admit there are some joys in life that can only be felt due to hardship. a common example is steaming hot showers. it takes a cold day, or a sickness, for someone to experience the joy of a hot shower. you can’t enjoy it in the heat. then there’s the joy of a fulfilling sleep, often achieved through a tiring day. and there’s the joy of a reunion, achieved through separation. and there are many more examples. sometimes difficulty carries a special range of joys and that’s something to be thankful about.

🩷 Digital illustration of a black woman with curly hair holding up a sheet. There is a star garland and there’s text across the sheet that reads, “the tools you needed to survive are not the tools you need to thrive”