Merry Christmas To The People Who Have To Pretend To Be Someone They’re Not For Their Families, Who

“So self-sabotage, as the name suggests, are the behaviors that we engage in which both consciously but also unconsciously take good things from ourself. So it might be success, it might be happiness, it might be the very things that we need or that we hope for. And again, we might ask ourselves, why on earth would you do that to yourself? […]

There was a psychoanalyst called Ronald Fairbairn, and in the early 50s, this was something that he wrote about, particularly within a relational context. So he spoke about the internal saboteur, and the internal saboteur is a manifestation of taking something good from ourselves, but it comes from early experiences of being rejected. If we feel rejected, particularly as a child, this can give way to quite unbearable and intolerable feelings of anger, which feel difficult to manage.

So the way that becomes processed is by denying the very need that we have for the other. So any kind of neediness that we then feel within us becomes despised, hated and unacknowledged. And as such, we will then deliberately take good things away from ourselves or avoid engaging in certain relationships because to sit with that need and to be met with rejection feels absolutely annihilating.

So we deny actually having those needs to begin with. So in some way, you then leave yourself feeling safe from being rejected, but you unintentionally then rob yourself of the very thing that you crave.”

— Ryan Bennett-Clarke, Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri: Self-sabotage

₍ ^. .^₎🌟(•- •マ

To my fellow survivors who weren’t believed, were dismissed or invalidated. 

I’m here and I believe you. What you went through was very real and what you feel is completely valid. 

You deserved so much better. 

So many people treat anger as something inherently toxic that you have to repress, but it can actually be a sign of growth and recovery. If you have been through trauma and abuse, reaching a place where you're able to go "your behavior is not acceptable and I'm not going to tolerate it because I know I deserve better" is very much a GOOD thing

“I’m not into convincing people I’m worthy. I’m into people who’ll convince me on my worst days that I’m still worth the world.”

— Reyna Biddy

You will not stay stuck in the same patterns forever. You are capable of change. It might be small and you may not be able to see the change day to day, but over time things will get better.

@tinybuddha

it’s like insane that an ancient writer knew the words i needed to hear a thousand years on and could see me through all that time but also. it’s not surprising in the least bc they felt as i felt and they sang as i sang and they did everything i’ve ever done there is no state of being which they have not already passed i am nothing new i am not alone and that is a great joy to know