Fire

I Stay Up At Night

I stay up at night wondering

If you like me too

I have tried to let thoughts of you go

I don’t ask because I'm not ready for the answer of, no

I remember that time

We stared into each others eyes

Between both pairs of our blue eyes blinking

Were you thinking what I was thinking?

Probably not

You're far too perfectly professional

I know I'm quite

Silly for dreaming about this turning out right

Part of me wants to leave our story off here

Rather than adding the flames to the fire

And you’ve had enough space and time to let

You forget

What being together was like…

Living what life had to offer in only fairytales

With the guidelines of never to kiss,

Only to miss

I was defenseless against

Knowing that finding another one like you will be practically impossible to do

Dancing with each other, only metaphorically, while making up our own constellations

All because of our catch-22 situation

I don’t know about you, but I remember that time

You sat so close in front of me

We touched at clothed knees

From just that I could feel the electricity

I can feel your love wearing off

As you have begun forgetting me

Wearing off like a good view

Always happens to do

In The Beginning

In the beginning

I was on a road

That was headed toward only good things In the beginning

I did not realize that it was

Only too good to be true All it took

Was one

Night And now I don't 

Even remember what

The beginning was like Just a few hours deceased

And they killed my naive stupidity with them

For thinking about sunshine and rainbows I want to be

So far in the end

That all is forgotten

I’m Diseased

I’m diseased of adults

Assuming the worst from me

When it is just me

Then they give me a hard time

For nothing

I’m diseased of being a millennial

And adults assuming

That I’m lazy

And addicted to my phone

When it’s just me who just so happens to be different

I’m tired of feeling

Like I’m worthless

And no one will ever

Truly

Fall in love with just me and I them

I’m diseased

Of teachers

Thinking they are better

Because of a degree

At the moment I’m just 1,000 degrees of rage

I don’t want to go to school

I don’t want this factory process

Of being separated

Embarrassed

And torn apart

I’m diseased of being a product

And not a person

The only thing I’ve learned from school

Is that if you don’t want to be bent around

Then keep your mouth shut

I’m diseased with adults

Smoldering my fire

My passion

My,

Will to live and carry on…

Shadow Girl

Broken,

No one knows

No one cares

No one can see my depressed shadow

But that shadow is mine and it’s the other half of me

It is taking over

My hallow, dark inside, body makes a shadow

Please stop walking on my shadow and thinking nothing of it

You think stomping on it is funny

But you don’t realize that, that is me

I want to put a cast on my broken shadow but I can’t because it moves with me and is always behind me

You fall for the fake smiles and laughs in the front but you forget to look in the back

If anyone really did love me they would look in the back and try to control it

They would try their best to stop and conquer it

The sun only brings out my shadow more

I hate the sun

I like rainy dark days

I like the feeling but I hate it at the same time

I Need My Feet to Forget

I need my feet to forget what motion feels like

Moving unnaturally fast

I need to stay rooted right now

I need time to think

My feet need to forget

What flying feels like

Because I keep nose diving

And maybe its just a part of learning

Maybe I have to suck first

It just seems like others don’t suck

And I'm the only one

Left behind in the dust

I cant stand up because

My feet refuse to forget

Silly feet,

Don’t you know that flying is unnatural?

Dear feet,

Please leave the job of flying

To the wings

Dear feet, you can run

I need my balance

I so should stick to the ground for now

I'm tired of being dizzy

And feeling bigger than I actually am

I'm tired of your illusion

I am the kind of person

That is dangerous

Once I know speed

So I need my feet to forget

What they now know

My feet need to forget the sky

And instead feel the grass, dirt, and tar

You were in Love with Love

Late night conversations

Me and my hesitations

Let’s not forget those limitations

I'm smarter than before

I was naive when I was rich; I have common sense now that I'm poor

I found my way around the moor

You're all hurt now but I'm not

In love with love you got caught

Did you find that a twist in the plot?

You with your "Oh, okays"

You left me with wasted days

Wishing that if I sat still long enough, I'd just decay

I wanted to go into a state of nonexistence

Instead I ended up becoming more resistant

Happiness in the far distance

It turns out, you were not the sun

In the cold you don't seem to have fun

You didn't bother to learn my puns

I'm disappointed not mad

That lad,

Isn't the reason I'm sad

When you flirt

It hurts

I no longer have to share dessert!

"She doesn't deserve to be ignored"

I cut the cord

So get out of my life with your longboard

Directions to Depression

First rule,

Always turn left

Because nothing turns out right

Second,

Look at the sky

Then look at your feet

When you decide to cross the road

In attempt to get away from what is left

Don’t bother looking both ways

Walk down misery lane

And try to find yourself

Not in any pain

Keep your head down

Follow the yellow lines

And when you get to the stop lights

Take another left

Onto the streets

Of regret

Pick any of the streets and follow it

To the dead end

And never come back.

I’m In For The Ride

I find it funny that

White roses tarnish with age

I'm scared my love

Will have wrinkles the next time I will meet

Will it be you or me at the welcome mat?

Maybe I will keep your coat hanger for my rage

Like Cinderella shoe, or someone’s glove

I keep your writing as a treat

I'm in need of a deep conversation

And I think you'd be perfection

I wonder your thoughts on bottling up fear

And using the pressure like a Coke and Mentos rocket

Blast off with irritation

And safety goggles for protection

We could talk about what we think of Shakespeare

And girls pockets

When it comes to talking

I just don’t know how or where to start

Maybe I'm in need of a brave summer vacation

I have don’t have many ideas though

I just have to keep a rolling and a rocking

I also have to learn how to part

With hesitation

Learn how to jump head first into something when people are saying no

I have to learn to not think, just do

Every time I go around I want to reach for the gold rings

And see everything I can see before I can’t see

I want to know that if I failed, at least I tried

I find it funny how we all do the same motions but are different each time we carry them through

How we change slowly and want and need different things

I'm scared and I want to break free to be me

Lets see where life will show me and take me to, I'm in for the ride

Fall Down, Get Back Up

I had my life seemingly together

But then the air turned into leather

With every breath my chest grew heavier and tighter

My head started to feel lighter

Get back up

Don’t give up

Propel

Out of Hell

Sometimes I fall down

And I forget that it doesn’t mean that I will lose my crown

I will rise

And get the prize

I have to get back out there

To breathe the mountain air

What Will Happen?

What will happen when this bird gets out of the cage

Will it sing and fly

Or just sit there and die?

A face full of tears

Yet none of them want to fall

An infant full of years,

Slamming doors

To close off the past

Of the hidden wars

Might as well recreate my kindergarten picture

Of a small person with the world’s tiniest smile

What a mixture

A probable mistake

A theory

Of sour birthday cake

The same will of wanting a way out

Few know what it’s like to be born into the wrong world

I'm an alien trying to find a realistic route

Hands in little fists

Ready to punch a hole in your inflexible plan for me to follow

So many things wrong with that I could make paper flowing lists

I can see my blonde hair back in my face

That I once cut into uneven bangs

Those pictures you try to erase

Like the pictures of my big toothless grin

When I had a badass black eye

My wild heart you can’t win,

With dance recital dresses

This Rockette will not dance anymore

The reason is just as good as your guesses

I'm not your special girl

I'm not anyone’s except my own

And you thinking otherwise makes me want to hurl

What will happen with this girl

When she is free of the nest

Despite her fears and guilty love, will she fly like the rest?