✦MORE INCORRECT C.o.D QUOTES✦

✦MORE INCORRECT C.o.D QUOTES✦

König: Hell, you could pour soup into my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you- --

Soap: What’s your life motto? Y/N: Hmmm, less a motto, more a general idea. But I run through life with four things in mind. Y/N: Fuck shit up, get shit done, get some glory, and hope for good dick in between. Gaz: *spit take* Soap: *WHEEZE* Ghost: …pretty good motto. Y/N: Thank you!

--

Graves: What are you doing? Y/N, losing their shit: *looking at the sky* Maybe, if I stand here long enough, a FUCK will fall from the SKY and then, I can give it to you. But oh, hey, look, THE SKY AIN’T GIVIN’ NOTHIN! Graves: I- Y/N: NO FUCKS, ANYWHERE, TO GIVE

-- Soap after being insulted by Ghost: ‘do sorta like it when he’s rude to me…hopefully that’s more a psychological defect than a weird sexual thing.

-- Some dickhead: And what's your job? 141 Whore? Y/N: Oh I fuckin' wish. Do you know how much easier of a job that'd be? No field drills, no paperwork, just be a dick receptacle. A fuckin' dream, that'd be. Price: *dissapointed sigh* Soap & Gaz: *WHEEZE* Ghost: *he's not laughing but he kinda wants to*

-- Ghost: Pretty cool, huh, Johnny? *looks and sees Graves beside him* Oh- Graves: Uh, I thought it was pretty cool. Ghost: I don't give a fuck 'bout what you think, Philip.(derogatory)

--

(TW; Unalive mention; but it's in a Gen Z joke way) Someone: Okay uh, what if 141 just...disappeared. Like your team just vanished. What would you do? Y/N, instantly: Oh I'd just *gun to temple hand signal* Easy. Quick decision. Price: Soldier, no- Y/N: Don't die and we won't have a problem. Think of it as more reason to stay alive. All of you. *Points at Ghost* You, specifically, sir. 'm watchin' you. Ghost: ...noted.

--

Ghost, suffering from blood loss: Johnny...you have beautiful eyes Soap: Damnit where's that evAC HE'S LOST HIS MIND

--

Soap: How d'ya feel 'bout gay people? Male!Y/N: ...I am gay- Gaz: He's dodging the question. Soap: HOMOPHOBIC! Male!Y/N: DON'T SHOUT THAT WHAT THE FU-

--

(I saw DILF!Reader headcanons and made an OC from it, I really like DILF/MILF Readers, we need more of them) Ghost: Daddy issues? Psh, I don't have those. Dilf!Y/N: *pats him on the back while passing by* Good job out there, Simon. Ghost, ready to cry whilst also having a boner: God damnit-

--

(In the idea of Y/N being a complete badass on field, maybe even a lil sadistic) Gaz: Hey, before getting into the military, what did you wanna do with your life? Y/N, cleaning dishes: Oh, I wanted to be a homemaker! Soap: ...huh? Y/N: Yeah! Little house, keepin' it clean, cookin' all day. An apron. The whole thing. Alas, God doesn't hand out opportunities for dreams, I was dealt a different hand in life's game of poker, and I had to make it work. So! Here I am. Gaz, remembering the time he watched them decapitate a man: ...a homemaker...right.

--

Y/N: I'm just sayin', one hug from Captain would probably be the equivalent of six years in therapy. Gaz: So...ask for a hug then? Y/N: AHA! No, no I won't do that. That's asking for problems. (Insert situation where Y/N gets said hug) Price: ...are you crying? Y/N: This! This is the problems I mentioned! Gaz: No, no I think this is proof you shoulda asked sooner.

--

Ghost: I don't have favorites. Gaz: You made Soap a lunch. Ghost: And? Y/N: You cut the sandwich in the shape of a cat...and the fruit is cut into stars & hearts. Ghost: Soldiers need balanced meals.

--

Y/N: Yeesh...Why did god have to give Cap such a tiny grabbable waist...seems unfair. Gaz: *chokes on water* Soap: *wheeze cackle* Price: ...pardon? Y/N: Oh shit, did I say that out loud? My bad, G.

--

Graves: Are you supposed to be eye fucking your captain all the time? Y/N: Hey! I don't eye fuck my captain all the time. Graves: You- Y/N: I eye fuck all my teammates, equal opportunity eye fucking, I don't have favorites on my team. Soap & Gaz: *stifling laughter* Price: Can- *sigh* Can we please focus on the mission now?

--

Graves: Were you dropped as a child? Y/N: Bold of you to assume I was held. Price: Soldier- Soap: Oh, no that's- Gaz: *wince* Ghost: ...heh. Y/N: *points* Ahaaaa, he gets it!