Sonic Sez

there’s no place for people like us is there? are there any actual pyros & kleptos on here? i want to have a community for us that isnt just ~aesthetics~

i want us to actually have something. a community. so if you’re a pyro or a klepto thats interested in having relatable posts, vents, memes, and much more than just aesthetics, than maybe we can make one.

message me or reblog this post with a comment if you’re interested

Why “It Was Just a Question” and “It Was Just a Joke” Are Not Defenses For Ableism And Why Your Reaction Is the Most Important Thing

When someone is disabled, neurodiverse, etc people can sometimes ask really ignorant, invasive, or invalidating questions that take emotional labor to answer. And sometimes there is a lot of pressure to answer. This is even worse if it is a joke instead, and the options are to ignore it or say something and risk being yelled at because “it was just a joke, gosh.” Confronting people and setting boundaries gets you called over-sensitive, over-reacting, childish, etc.

I’ll make this clear: it isn’t about your questions or jokes - it is about the assumptions you made when you opened your mouth and the reaction you had when you were corrected.

Let’s Talk About Questions.

I first want to say, I started this blog because I wanted to. You are more free to ask me questions than random blind people on the street. The questions I receive here are also good, researched questions where I can tell someone has read my blog or some articles. I’m not posting to give my followers or anyone else anxiety. The whole point is that these people don’t have an interest in learning, doing any of their own work, or challenging their false beliefs. They want me to endure them and confirm them. I haven’t had to do that here and if I did, it would be easier than in real life because I can choose not to answer a question by deleting it. My followers are also already respectful of and educated on blind people, and so if I have a response that is less than perfectly polite, readers will know why. That is not true outside of this blog.

Now let’s talk about questions and why they can be used in a bad way. What makes a question bad? What is the difference between a genuine and ignorant question? What if you don’t have time to research?

A Bad question here is one that is based on a usually false assumption that prompts a desired answer. An example would be, “Are you really sad that you can’t read?” or “Why would a blind person need a phone when they can’t use it?”

I see a lot of these on tumblr. For example, one blog I followed received an ask that basically said blind people couldn’t be in the orchestra because such and such limitation. These questions have, at best, an obvious assumption along with, at times, a confrontational tone. This person does not want education. They want to defend their belief. A better way to truly ask such a question would be something such as, “I read that people in orchestras and choir have to sight read music. How do blind people navigate this?” No assumption is made about a blind person’s ability. The question is asked in an open manner. The asker has done some research.

Now, in real life, people don’t always preface it with how much research they have done. And let’s be real, it usually isn’t much. But someone asking, “Do you prefer Braille or do you use a computer to read?” shows at least some knowledge. They aren’t trying to put me into a box or use me for confirmation bias. It isn’t so much about getting the perfect wording. It’s about not expecting the blind person to confirm something for you, argue with you, or educate you without you putting in any effort. Even “I was wondering how you do assignments,” is open and allows for my response. If you aren’t able to research in the moment, make your question open or be transparent. To be honest, I feel better about people not doing research in person than online, because being online usually shows you have some time and tools to research. If resources are not available to you and you don’t have the internet for long periods of time, preface your question with that and acknowledge that the person does not have to respond if your question is offensive. Again,it isn’t about getting it 100% right, but truly trying and prioritizing the comfort of the person you are asking.

When I confront people for asking a question with an assumption, I often receive an angry response. The fault is placed on me for not educating people, for not being cooperative, for being mean. This happens whether I answer or not. If I try to explain to someone assuming I can’t read that I, in fact, can read or use a phone or whatever, this is seen as rude or not cooperative. Even confrontational. This person comes away from the conversation now believing blind people are rude and angry. Usually they assume the blind person is jealous of them for being able to see. Which, in that instance, would not be true.

Making assumptions that a person cannot possibly do something because of their disability, especially when you are ignoring what that person says, is ableist. Pointing this out is not attacking you or even, necessarily, judging you. They are not calling you any other name, no matter what else you claim it means to you. (I once had someone claim that when I said the word ableism or ableist she heard the word bitch.)

Let’s Talk About Jokes.

This one is much harder to navigate, especially because blind people often make jokes themselves. However, I want to continue to consider the underlying assumption and judgement some jokes can contain. The joke is usually bad when it contains an ignorant assumption and falls apart when that assumption is corrected.

One example is that picture that often goes around with a person holding a white cane is using a phone. The joke asks what’s wrong with the picture. The problem is not that it’s a joke, as most people assume. The problem is the assumption underneath this particular example, which, by the way, can result in blind people being harassed and even hurt. Read my post here.

But it isn’t even the joke that is the problem. The reaction is. Instead of being accused to attacking someone for an innocent question, someone who points out the problem with a joke or even that it was hurtful, gets someone accused of not having a sense of humor or being mean. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that in real life, not outside of this blog. It is, honestly, too difficult and too uncomfortable.

The reaction people sometimes have is one of defense. They aren’t ableist, it was just a joke, can’t you take a joke?, why are you so serious?, you are ruining the joke, etc. People also assume disabled people can’t tell when someone has made a mistake and when they are genuinely asking a question or trying to call attention to something by making a joke. Disabled people are not trying to take all jokes away. They just want to point out when something is harmful. Doubling down about how that person can’t take a joke is a big problem.

Again, it isn’t that someone made a joke about disabled people. It’s the assumptions inside the joke itself that are harmful. For example, jokes about blind people going to cinemas don’t land because blind people do watch movies. The joke falls apart when you remove the assumption - and not knowing that it was an assumption is part of the problem in the first place.

What Now?

Again, this post was never about not asking questions or not making jokes. It is about ways they can go wrong and how people can make it worse by getting defensive instead of being open to learning and moving on. Everyone makes assumptions or repeats jokes sometimes, and whether or not it becomes an argument is about being open to learning.

Disabled people aren’t out there looking for people to confront. Most of the time, they just want to go about their day or have a nice time with friends. If someone corrects you, no matter the setting, treat it as an opportunity for your growth and to make others feel more comfortable. Listen, apologize, acknowledge your mistake, and change your behavior.

My aim here is not to complain or to make people feel bad or even worry excessively. My goal was simply to share my thoughts on why these things can be a problem and offer suggestions on how to avoid them.

I hope this helps.

-BlindBeta

Note: I provide sensitivity reading for blind characters. See my Pinned Post for information.

Pyromania info masterpost

Wip, prone to updates and accepting submissions

Pyromaniac characters(link)

Fire classifications(link)

List of things I did(link)

Symptom list(link)

Pyromania vs pyrophilia(link)

Possible causes(link)

Activities to cope(link)

Pyromaniobjectum(link)

Pyromania blogs(link)

@clusterrune @delightfulweepingwillows @hewasanamericangirl

When people comment they're surprised I didn't cure a character I gave a disability to by the end of my fic

the biggest betrayal. bffr

I love you level 1 autistics

I love you level 2 autistics

I love you level 3 autistics

I love you autistics who can talk verbally

I love you autistics you use AAC or other aids like sign language

I love you autistics with no professional diagnosis

I love you early diagnosed autistics

I love you late diagnosed autistics

I love you queer/trans autistics

I love you autistics who don't look autistic

I love you autistics who do look autistic

I love you autistics with co-morbid conditions (intellectual disabilities, ADHD, ARFID, etc.)

I love you autistics with 'scary' mental disorders (dissociative disorders, personality disorders, schizospec, etc)

I love you autistics with high empathy

I love you autistics with low empathy

I love you physically disabled autistics

I love you autistics! <3

i feel like people should know there are differences between a kleptomaniac and a "mwehehehe I'm stealing because I'm evil and i like money >:)" character

Saying this as someone that absolutely loves silly cartoon thieves and goons, kleptomania is a compulsive disorder it's not the same thing as stealing for the need of money or becuz you're evil and fucked up

So stop calling thief characters kleptomaniacs, it's pretty frickin harmful for people that actually suffer that disorder :/

Not saying you cannot make a thief character a kleptomaniac,,but you need to know at least what the disorder is like and have some respect

So yeah, the raccoon brothers from happy tree friends are not kleptomaniacs even though so many people said that, they steal because they're evil and greedy, and if it's canon then it's a really bad stereotype or representation (flippy also is a really bad representation of a person with ptsd)

Pinned

Storm was right in what she said to Rogue about the cure and I will fight people on this.

My name is Raven, he/him, I'm 20, and this is my disability blog. I am a multiple disabled person who has a bad job, has not yet learned how to drive, certainly can't live on my own, and I write and reblog posts. Please do not mock the spelling, language, grammar, punctuation, or whatever else of me or anyone I reblog here. This blog will focus mostly on autism and autistic voices, but I'll post about a whole spectrum. Mainly the ones listed below

I have autism, light-moderate support needs, medium moderate support needs when accounting for everything else. Hyperempathy, hypersensitivity to my senses, emotion regulation issues, find it near impossible to understand people when they aren't being up-front about what they mean, need reminders for actions of daily living (including eating) but can do them on my own when reminded. Should not be managing my own money. I am fully verbal, but with a lot of speech disability. I get overwhelmed extremely easily and when that happens, I completely freak out. I also have some kinds of cognitive and developmental disabilities but am not intellectually disabled.

I have a lisp, a permanent slur, trouble pronouncing crunchy consonants or words that start with a vowel (can do it, just takes my mouth a second to work,) and I talk very slowly. There's probably more and I just don't know it. Apparently my speech is so bad that the speech therapist in kindergarten said that there was so much wrong with my speech that it couldn't possibly be fixed. Also often tend to speak without thinking, which I can't really help.

I have severe ADHD, mostly inattentive, dyslexia, dysgraphia, articulatory initiation anomia, dyspraxia, TBI from when I was a baby, migraines (all kinds, including ACM,) sensory processing disorder, chronic daily headache, myofascial pain syndrome, chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, and some other stuff.

Recovering from kleptomania and compulsive lying.

Warning

- I lost a friend to ABA. He's dead because of ABA. There is no ABA positivity here. I will be hating on it.

- I talk about ableism a lot. All posts will be tagged as ableism

- I am transgender

I DO answer both educational and writing questions.

another mental illness meme i made out of boredom