Arfid - Blog Posts
“Maybe I should just try the ingredients on their own first,” I think, imagining myself blankly staring at the wall while chewing a dry piece of lettuce in my apartment in total silence
Being a picky eater as an adult is so hard because I’m TRYING to expand my pallet, but every time I look up a recipe it’s like “this meal’s so quick and easy! It only takes 3 1/2 hours of prep, 6 hours of cook time, and 45 minutes to plate :) There are fifty ingredients, half of which you’ve literally never had in your life :) so if you don’t like this recipe or you forget to make it, I guess you’ll just have to throw out $50 worth of food that you have literally no other use for!! Have fun, super easy for new cooks, super fun and easy and quick :))))”
Being a picky eater as an adult is so hard because I’m TRYING to expand my pallet, but every time I look up a recipe it’s like “this meal’s so quick and easy! It only takes 3 1/2 hours of prep, 6 hours of cook time, and 45 minutes to plate :) There are fifty ingredients, half of which you’ve literally never had in your life :) so if you don’t like this recipe or you forget to make it, I guess you’ll just have to throw out $50 worth of food that you have literally no other use for!! Have fun, super easy for new cooks, super fun and easy and quick :))))”
*eating disorder recovery montage set to All Star by Smash Mouth*
I would also like to introduce the concept of touch ARFID. You finally get out of touch starvation but actually it's only okay if it's like. One person specifically. Perhaps two, or five, but any person not on your safe touch list and you will get nauseous, you will get so revoltingly sick, and you know you have to expand your palate and just "not be bothered" by the occasional shoulder tap of an unsafe touch person because normal people are fine with it why can't you be? but it makes you so violently sick to your stomach and you curl up and do anything to make that touch go away, it wasn't meant to affect you but here you are
It took you so long to get accustomed to each new person you integrated into your safe persons list. It was agonizing at first but it was something you were willing to do because of all you'd been through together, the two of you, and you trust them to the end of the earth, and over time their touch became as dear to you as their presence.
But any of these other "normal" people? Forget it
touch-starvation needs to be written with emphasis on the starving part. you are hungry to be touched. so hungry that even the very taste of it makes you nauseous. it has been long since anything has ever touched you, ever fed you - that your body has grown more used to that gnawing emptiness more than anything else. it's better for you to be held, to eat but it makes you sick to try. you know
Yeah as someone who is 5’1” I’m constantly getting given kids menus
…but I still take the kids menu cause it has all the good sensory friendly stuff
Day 148
got a new diagnosis
got diagnosed with an ED last night, so lets do some safe foods! (non body image based, spd based, although i do hate my body)
if a picky american child (6 years old) would eat it, there's a good chance i will too. name a food in the comments and i'll tell you if i'll eat it or not.
for consistently safe foods/meals:
strawberry smoothie and tortilla chips
grilled steak and rice
cucumber salad (chopped into quarters, with balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and a lot of salt)
plain quesadilla (flour tortilla, mexican blend cheese. thats it)
mac+cheese and ground beef (not mixed together, i eat them separately)
and pretty much nothing else. my spice tolerance is that of a nordic viking. (but i don't eat fish. or any kind of seafood)
Yesterday I ate a burger.
This is important, because it's like my #1 fearfood. I'm autistic and have ARFID, and burgers are my most hated, can't-stand-it food.
But I also have severe anemia, so I for some reason craved it.
I ate 2/3 before feeling like if I ate another bite, I'd puke.
I tried to give it a chance, hoped maybe I'd like it now. I did not. It's disgusting.
And also, as it turns out it had bacon jelly and I'm allergic to bacon so now yesterday and today I've felt awful.
Very proud of myself for trying, though.