Latest Posts by wasted-life-musings - Page 3

I realize I post alot of Russians things, because I grew up with and respect Russians.  I am, however, not Russian at all and am American, Swedish German and Irish by blood.  So here’s Swedish song I liked alot growing up, done by a Norwegian, just to confuse you, it’s actually a song from the mid 1800s that alf redid in 1955.

It’s also really hard to translate into english and make it sound good so I’ll just say its about a farmboy in a rural county falling in love with a girl, but being separated from her for much of his life, because he was too busy working on the farm to travel and see her.  Sounds pretty American doesn’t it?

Sometimes you find amazingly talented people on youtube, here’s my youtube crush I’ve never talked to, she’s a much better guitar player than me....

The Human story: When you’re very young, the world is confusing, you struggle to understand the meaning of life, and therefore life is an abstract, fairly meaningless.  In the middle of your life, you have brushes with death maybe, health problems, near OD’s, your parents die and suddenly you’re very alone.  You work through it, but you start to fear death. 

Maybe I skipped a chapter already but at one point if you’re lucky you stop fearing the unknown, you realize everytime you sleep you die and hope you’re reborn, some people find god, and try to right all their wrongs out of fear, but death is the great equalizer, and is necessary.  Unlike Humans, Earth recycles everything and there are only X amount of resources therefore only Y amout of things can live on X. 

Do I fear death?  Sorta, do I also contemplate death as a release from the sufferings of the world?  You bet, but really it all comes down to how stubborn you are, I’m not in love with life, life has been shitty to me, and now that I’m old enough to do something about it I’ve lost all ambition therein.  At the same time, unlike some hot topic teen goth I dont romanticize death, death is grizzly and horrible. 

Most adults make a life via their vocations and families, they dont have to contemplate their mortality or the nature of the universe, not often, but I dont have that luxury, and as I sit here in my little self made cell, high or drunk on whatever, I think my perspective is different than alot of people. 

Every angsty teen is in love with death because they have a goldfish like brain, and they’re just finding the ocean, most adults are affraid to swim, so they only swim for reasons they make up, money, career advancement, what have you, and some pull the trigger and sink.  Death comes to us all, how you handle it is what makes you you, and everything you say do or think will be defined by this one basic premise, youll either be reckless or fearless, and both are really a sham.  You WILL die, your loved ones will die, in 200 years no one will remember your name, anyone who would will die, invent a heaven or live with it, live to youre old and pissing yourself in a bag, die at 20 from an OD it really doesnt matter you’re just a building everyones waiting to fall down so they can use your bones to shape a new building, you matter completely and you dont matter at all.

I refuse to cry for the people I know that have died young from drugs, i refuse to cry for the people that lived to be old enough to drain excess resources to prolong their inevitable demise, I refuse your concept of reality, I refuse.

I’m a huge Dock Boggs fan, also any music thats as good as it is annoying is ok in my book.

“ If you wish to control others you must first control yourself…The primary thing when you take a sword in your hands is your intention to cut the enemy, whatever the means. Whenever you parry, hit, spring, strike or touch the enemy’s cutting sword, you must cut the enemy in the same movement. It is essential to attain this. If you think only of hitting, springing, striking or touching the enemy, you will not be able actually to cut him. “ - Miyomoto Musashi

My Terrible Upbringing

Not long ago I posted a video about graverobbing I saw as a kid.  I remember when I saw it and other videos like it, which organs sold for what, how long said organs were good, etc.  I remember being messed up on whatever the fuck one night and I’m talking to my dad, who was drunk of course, and I told him about said videos and i remember it like yesterday, my father looked at me inquisitively and he said to me, “ well how do they make money at this? “

Not the response a parent should give and i gave the answer of you know, found trinkets and or the skull being of an important person, and he said well, if you can get away with it, sounds good to me.

I have no moral qualms about anything, and this is why.  I worked in a graveyard as a teen, to me a body is a body, and apparently thats generational.  Anyways so you know, when i presented my parents with graverobbing they said pretty much sounds great if ya dont get caught.  I aint got much to work with here people...

fun fact, movies asside, no one will ever notice you in the back of a large graveyard, get to it kids...

Here’s a fairly gay song to prove a point.  The most beautiful languages in human history are as follows:

1.) Irish Gaelic

2.) Russian

3.) Japanese

French is so far down the list to me I think none of you get languages, italian too, ending every word with A or O makes it flow sure, but that doesnt mean its a pretty language, you’ve been brainwashed by movies.

“ The Wall “ is my favorite floyd album, even though darkside is probably better it speaks to me personally.  that being said, once floyd lost barret it was no longer floyd, here’s scarecrow, a song ya should know but maybe dont.

( Fun fact the name pink floyd comes from syd barrett, he used to wear an all blue leisure suit, and one day they were tripping and it looked pink, a floyd was a brittish slang for a fancy gentleman, hence he was the pink floyd. )

The Cemetery

My last post reminds me I never told you people that I worked in a cemetery as a teen, I remember the first body I buried i was maybe 13, 14 ( i worked under the table because i knew people there ) He was a suicide victim, 35 i think.  I stood at a distance during the funeral, picked up the plywood, took off the straps from lowering the coffin, etc. 

With modern machinery most is done with a backhoe, but you need to manually shovel the dirt between the vault and the ground, and etc.  so It’s raining out, and by the time i get there the hole is filled with water, i jump on the coffin and shovel dirt, i feel the coffin move beneath my feet, i float on this dead man and shovel dirt in cracks/ 

I remember after I went to the crematorium, which was a warehouse full of cardboard boxes, and drank coffee and what not, it being cold and rainy.  I remember shedding a single tear for the man I never met and moving on with my life.

After that it was childsplay, nothing in a box or in the ground was even human, but that one moment will stick with me forever, that and the smell of the crematorium, once you smell a burning human body I promise you you wont ever forget it. 

By 13 I had looked death in the face, and maybe it was traumatic by millennial standards but death has always been a part of life, and by 13 I knew someday id have some small funeral of people pretending to care and I’d be put in the boggy mud and forgotten forever more.  It has shaped my life in ways you’ll never understand sans the experience. 

There is no god, there is no redemption, there is here and now, and there is gone, and dont let any Babylonian babble sway you, when you’re standing on that floating coffin you know then and there, god is a lie and there is no redemption.  I think, in private, I cried for that strangers water laden corpse more than I did for any of my loved ones, I regret not remembering his name. 

and since i just seem to be arbitrarily posting music ya dont know ( because I’m lazy ) here’s a song you know in a language youve never heard, youd be shocked maybe to find this language is actually the granddaddy of English, but we dont want the tumblr community thinking too abstractly now do we.

and heres a song about being lost at sea, and deciding who to eat, and right after eating said person, finding land, you may recognize this from the horrible Rammstein cover that was horrible, not since “ Das Model “ has Rammstein fucked up a song so bad.  Here’s Aria-Shtil.....

https://www.youtube.com/embed/U2bMIvY3twI

If you have any deductive power you will know, A.) I AM a rap fan, and B.) 90% of rap is just, total shit.  When I took poetic verse in school we learned different formats for rhyming most rap A rhymes with B and sometimes C is thrown in, so you get blahblah blah A, blah blahblah B, C A B C C, if you can follow all that.

Much like Reggae, Funk or Blues rap is very formulaic, but this is a man who not only has something to actually say but does it in a format entirely his own.  Does he have better songs, absolutely, does this song prove the point, definitely.  Ladies and Gentleman if you dont know that DOOM’s nervous large you don’t know rap.  I’ll put money on it, interview any rapper worth a fuck and he will tell you he’s a DOOM fan. 

Here’s a realistic song about Junkies, I say realistic because it doesn’t glorify it or belittle said people, it’s written from first hand observation and is well, a damn decent song in general...

You know if i was in therapy I’m sure I’d be set back in it by now.  I cant believe 30 years into life all i have to show for it is a drug habbit, bad dreams, a pile of broken used electronics and a 7 year failed relationship.  Wasted life was the perfect title for this blog, I think my feelings would be hurt had I any left.

Before all my feelings were dead anger would be what I feel right now i guess, just waiting for death.

My best friend just got married, wasnt even invited.  Oh yeah, 30 years well spent people, ive made so many connections

Fun fact, English bands sound best when trying to sound American.

Don’t ever cry for those who want to be cried for, for those who cry for themselves, only cry for those who are unable to do so.  You can apply this to any social situation of your choosing.

Here’s a VHS that was really popular when i was finding the internet.  Is it fake, probably, is it entertainment?  Oh yeah...

https://www.youtube.com/embed/MTJJb1UqjuA

I was a big Primus fan, and still am, but once I learned they were just being the residents tying to sound like zappa I got less interested.

The Residents, One Minute Movies

“  I was taught and brought up there, the laws to abide, and that the land that I live in, has god on it’s side. “

"I will work as long as my life remains. Working for my food is what has made me happy in this life." (Gatlang, Rasuwa)

The Buddha teaches us that life is suffering, to live is to suffer, because to live is to need, and to need is to suffer, and to be enlightened is to be free of need, of suffering, the Buddha teaches that the point of life is to live long enough to realize the point of living is to get ready to be dead longer, let go of need and consciousness, and accept it.

After 30 years, I totally understand this notion, it's already more than enough, not that most humans drive me the fuck up the wall or anything,  Kisses, love you...

“...I have an A-gender caregiver, I’m a 20 year old explorative little “

Memoirs of why I don’t date

oh oh, oh, I can play this song, badly.  This is a song you dont fully appreciate til you’ve been there.

Ur the man

Love you too