Ashes

What would be something you would want to say to your younger self if you could?

I think I would share a quote from Robert Jordan with him: "The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived."

As with nearly everything in our world, this quote, offers myriad interpretations. Yet, I interpret it in a way that might have pointed my younger self in the right direction.

The oak embodies strength, steadfastness, and resilience - its very identity. It feels invincible, unyielding, a necessity; should it encounter something matching its strength, it would break. However, as anyone who is living knows, nothing matches life's strength, which strikes relentlessly and unapologetically. An oak, taught only to be strong and never to bend under life's winds, is destined to break. In contrast, the willow symbolizes flexibility, adaptability, and endurance - capable of bending with life's challenges without ever breaking.

The perceived strength of the oak thus becomes its greatest weakness, while the perceived weakness of the willow reveals its true strength.

Yet, I fear these words would fall on deaf ears, for the mindset of "having to be strong" is and always was deeply ingrained within me. Despite years of reflection, I have been unable to purge these thought patterns. It is a deeply rooted behavior, a toxin coursing through my blood, likely forever poisoning my veins.

Und ich habe nie nach deiner Antwort gefragt:

Würdest du die Liebe in dein Heim lassen, wenn sie nun an deiner Türe klopfen würde?

Hätte ich denn eine Wahl, wenn es wirklich Liebe wäre?

In letzter Zeit, da sucht mich die Sehnsucht nach Zweisamkeit und Verlangen in Form eines nächtlichen Liebesbriefs heim. Ich werde nie darum vergessen, wie ich früher Nacht um Nacht an Gedichten geschrieben habe, um diese am nächsten Tag auf eine Reise zu senden, deren Ziel mein Herz nur zu gut kannte. Es ist schon interessant, was der Schein des Mondes durch ein kleines Dachfenster anrichten kann, wenn er im richtigen Winkel auf Papier und Tinte trifft und sich dabei in kleinsten Tränen bricht.

Weltenasche.

No woman wants a disproportionate meathead muscle man. Maybe you should work on your brain for a change instead of just bluntly moving weights. But you do your thing, more women remain for the intelligent among us :)

You and the other guy should really coordinate your messages better. Am I a weak little soyboy or a disproportionate meathead muscle man?

By the way I heard thinking of oneself as overly intelligent, having an unhealthy obsession with a random guy's tumblr profile and drawing the only motivation to do something from what other people would think of it are supposed to be the characteristics of a true panty dropper.

Those legs look so strong and powerful... God I wish you would just grab me and hipthrust me like a fully loaded barbell for a few sets....

A night or two? I guess I'm not even good enough for a thirsty tumblr anon no more.

But in all seriousness, what do you hope to gain from such messages? I ignore most of them anyway.

If you want to practice pick-up lines, just tell me. The one with the barbell could at least be described as creative, euphemistically.

Mauern

Die Zeit sie ist vergangen

und Wünsche wurden wahr

das Herz, es mag verlangen

wenn der Kopf auch nicht ganz klar.

Die Begierde stets konstant

mit starren Blick grad aus

fremd was einst bekannt

füllt nun mein Herz voll aus.

Ich war es leid zu trauern

und dem Neide nach zu geben

so errichtete ich Mauern

doch falsch war mein Bestreben.

Sie trennten nur noch weiter

was längst schon seiden hing

die Angst vermehrte heiter

bevor sie zu Boden ging.

Mit lauten Knall verlor sie

die zu lang bestrittene Schlacht

und neben meiner Furcht

fielen auch die Mauern jener Nacht. 

- by Weltenasche.

Honestly If I had a body like yours I would not change a damn thing. Your body looks like it is carved out of stone and I mean it.

Thank you. I think a few years ago I would have thought similarly to you if someone had shown me such pictures of a body. But that's the thing about dissatisfaction, it's as unique as the individual who holds it. I'm afraid I will never be truly satisfied with myself, my mind is just too burdened for that; But out of dissatisfaction arises movement and the motivation to change something, not stagnation. I cannot change my thinking or taste the sweet satisfaction of the self, but I can use my dissatisfaction to grow steadily. And that is exactly what I will do.

You don't watch porn? Why? Is it your vegan diet which lead to a lowered s*x drive? Seems like a p*ssy thing to do like all guys watch it but yeah if you are basically asexual through diet choices I can see why you don't lol maybe you should go eat some meat

No, I don't. Because I have never understood the appeal of looking at other people doing it, and the porn industry is also associated with great suffering, because not all people who are in that field do it voluntarily.

It also has nothing to do with my diet or a supposed decreased sex drive; it's quite the opposite, especially since I've been working out.

I mean, you're the one censoring words like "sex" and "pussy" while making an argument against a strawman and bragging about watching porn.

You're welcome to keep watching porn, I don't care honestly, but I'd rather stick to the natural variant and isn't that what people like you want from vegans anyway - being more natural?

You guys really need to make up your mind.

Heey I know it's not the usual subject of your blog but I find it really interesting to hear a bit about game development if you don't mind (▰˘◡˘▰) Like what would someone need to develop a game? Is it hard? Could I do it and how much time would I need?

Since you kept your questions quite general, my answer to most of these would be “it depends”, as game development is a very broad field.

The answers would depend a lot on what kind of game you want to develop, what tools you use, whether you create all your assets yourself or buy them, what previous experience you have, … and so on.

Could you be a bit more specific?

You are such a skinny wimp boy go eat some meat and get some meat on that bones. I know girls that have more muscle and are bigger than you .. such a shame but thats veganism for ya and what it does to us man if that word even describes you at all

I usually ignore messages of this kind, but there is so much bitterness in this message that I can hardly resist replying to it.

However, in order not to give this message more attention than necessary, I will simply answer it with a picture; it makes little sense to discuss with someone who denies the possibility of muscle building with a vegan diet.