For The Few Years That Andrew And Neil Are On Different Pro Teams Andrews Team Knows Next To Nothing

Neil knows love exists because Andrew is full of it. He sees it when Andrew cooks two different batches of pancakes, one batch being regular and the other chocolate chip, because he knows Neil doesn’t like sweets.

He sees it when Andrew specifically puts sticky notes on the wall next to their front door because he knows Neil is likely to see them and be reminded of things he needs to do that day.

He sees it when he and Andrew drive hours to listen to Aaron give his valedictorian speech at his university graduation.

And he feels it when Andrew cradles his head in the dead of night and reminds him who he is. Saying:

“You are Neil Josten, a nuisance with a smart mouth. And you are home.”

I think Andrew's desperation to live is a little overlooked in the fandom. It's not explicitly stated in the books, other than his SH scars, but I honestly think it is so important to understanding him and his motivations.

Did Andrew ever plan to live past graduation? Before Kevin came along and promised his life would have worth? Did he plan on disappearing when Aaron eventually walked away from him? Believing nobody would notice if he was gone?

He clung on purely for Aaron, to make sure Aaron had a bright future ahead and could go live without him. To make sure that Nicky could go back to Erik without worry.

Before Neil, Andrew didn't believe he had anything to live for. He made a very one sided deal with Kevin to find something, anything, to build his life around after graduation, believing his brother would leave him alone once again.

Because at the heart of it all, Andrew doesn't want to die. Not really.

Andrew has chronic depression and he is suicidal. He sits on the edges of roof tops to feel. He puts his life on the line again and again with little regard for his own safety. He makes promises that put him at a severe disadvantage.

His promises are what keeps him alive, what forces him to live. Dying would break his promise, and Andrew has suffered enough from broken promises.

He doesn't want to die. He wants to survive those who beat him down. He wants to move on. He wants to get better. He wants to live.

He just doesn't know how.

Aaron looked at Andrew, who was staring, unseeing, at their shared birthday cake with a party horn in his mouth. The Foxes (mostly Nicky) were enthusiastically singing Happy Birthday around them, and Aaron hadn’t said a word to Andrew all evening. Perhaps the fact that no one would hear them gave Aaron the courage to say something he’d been thinking to the entire party. “Happy Birthday, Andrew,” he whispered. What it really meant was I care about you. You’re important to me. Andrew turned his blank stare on him, and then proceeded to blow his party horn in Aaron’s face. I care about you too.

How Nora wrote Jean and Jeremy puts into startling perspective how fucked up Neil's stay at Evermore was.

He would not and COULD NOT think about those eighteen days. It was so bad he can't even remember most of it.

I imagine that he only gets small flashbacks when something specific triggers him even later into his pro career.

I need more fics where writers acknowledge the implications of Andrew's eidetic memory and fucking run with that shit

Neil asking if Andrew can tell if someone broke into their apartment and Andrew scanning everything in the room, comparing his internal Perfect Clarity Snapshots, saying no and Neil relaxing

Andrew mentally sorting his Many Snapshots of Neil Smiling and Neil Waking Up In The Morning and Neil-

Andrew reading cookbooks once and being able to feed Neil "I'll eat whatever is put in front of me - wait my preferences matter?" Josten all sorts of delicious foods

Andrew reciting books from memory to read to Neil and/or their foster kids and/or The Fox Kits even when the physical copy is nowhere to be found

Andrew bringing up a perfectly clear and accurate mental recording of Bee walking him through a grounding exercise when he has a panic attack

We need more is all I'm saying!!!

An idea I love is when the Foxes become a more well-respected team in the league, Wymack starts talking to them about being “role models” and that they have all these young fans now who look up to them. And Neil is just horrified.

Then the Exy league organises this like, pre-game warm up meet and greet thing where they do some drills and games with the kids of the local teams in the area.

Everyone expects to have to keep Andrew away from the kids but he’s actually fantastic with them. He’s blunt and honest but he does try very hard and they absolutely love him.

Neil spends the entire time running away from the children and hiding behind Wymack (he tried hiding behind Andrew but Andrew was actually getting along with the little demons)

Kevin hates it but the kids LOVE him, they think it’s hilarious how grumpy and angry he gets and they keep falling over themselves laughing anytime he yells. They keep asking him to “do the grumpy voice” he starts yelling in French and they think it’s just about the funniest thing that’s ever happened.

Dan and Renee are keeping the whole thing on track, actually running through the drills and teaching the kids with endless patience. Dan has a little mini me girl who’s like 10 and the captain of her team and just wants to be Dan so bad so Dan gives her a whistle and she’s just shadowing her all day, blowing her whistle whenever Dan tries to get someone’s attention.

Aaron and Allison hang back and only very reluctantly interact with the children.

Matt is the equivalent of a climbing gym. He has about 4 children hanging off various limbs at any given time and a little 6 year old has taken up permanent residence on his shoulders.

Nicky loooves it and teaches the kids all of bad words and gets them to play pranks on Kevin- which results in Kevin yelling at him and he and the kids falling over laughing.

One child seems to be really isolated and quiet. Neil sits with this kid so Wymack will stop yelling at him to get involved. They don’t talk at all but Neil gives the kid some gum and the kid manages a little smile.

fake idgafer i saw you beat up four men for being homophobic to your cousin. i saw you kill your brother’s abuser. i saw you befriend a kindhearted religious girl even though you knew the others would tease you. i saw you offer two traumatized boys protection when they thought they would never get any. i saw you ask “how many kids” when you found out that your abuser targeted more people. i saw you sitting on the roof even though you’re afraid of heights because you didn’t want to feel nothing anymore

even though renee isn’t in the books as much as some of the others, i’d argue that she’s on the same level as andrew and kevin in terms of importance, not necessarily because of her impact on the main plot but more because she symbolizes something these characters desperately need: hope. first of all, it has become increasingly obvious to me that she’s a narrative foil to neil. not only do they leave their sketchy pasts behind, change their names, and dye their hair, but their birth names (natalie, nathaniel) are incredibly similar. renee represents who neil would be if he actually processed his issues instead of running away from them (“i’m not proud of my past, but i’ll never heal if i hide it”). neil is so unsettled by renee because she’s the person who neil has been told for his entire life that it’s too dangerous to be. he dyes his hair to blend in. she dyes her hair to stand out. and she’s HAPPY. she’s not dead like neil’s been brainwashed to believe. then, of course, there’s her iconic friendship with andrew. i’m not going to say that she’s the only one who andrew likes, because we all know he’s very protective of his cousin, brother, and neil. however, renee is the only one who andrew never lashes out at. if renee hadn’t intervened when andrew was attacking allison, who knows what would’ve happened? finally, there’s her connection to jean. jean was denied color for years, surrounded by black and red, never thinking that he would escape. his first interaction with renee always stands out to me because for the first time, he’s left speechless. he sees renee and her rainbow hair and can do nothing but stare. how could he not fall in love with a girl who goes so directly against the rules of his abusers? and she gets him out of the nest. she’s the reason why he defies all the other drafts and stays alive. throughout the books, she grounds andrew, saves allison, and gives jean a reason to keep living. the events of all for the game and the sunshine court couldn’t have happened without renee. none of it could’ve. she was at the center of it all the whole time

Andrew and Neil definitely cuddle, BUT i am a firm believer of two things, 1) their go-to is just Andrew lying on top of Neil like a weighted blanket (never the other way around though) and 2) andrew never like wraps his arms around neil to the point of holding him in place/restricting his movement or even putting them in positions that could make that a possibility even on accident

disagree with me if u want but I think it would be so hilarious if, after Jeremy becomes one of the first and only people that Neil immediately decides he likes, Jeremy just LOATHES Neil. Because in tsc we learn that Neil Josten just gives scary vibes. He’s harsh, he’s unpredictable, and he has that manic smile he shows more and more that’s just unsettling. And WE know that he can actually be very caring and empathetic when he likes someone, but Jeremy has barely ever interacted with him. Neil’s perception of Jeremy that we see in tkm is that he’s just this really chill, nice guy who’s great at exy and is just someone Neil really appreciates. But Jeremy only knows Neil through a) his not so flattering public reputation, and b) his pretty complicated relationship with Jean. Jeremy’s most significant memory of Neil is that one day, Neil just randomly shows up in California and Jean just looks terrified, they disappear for five hours and when Jean gets back he has a huge breakdown and looks like he’s going to cry. Wouldn’t it be so hilarious if this just taints any perception that Jeremy has of Neil? and so when they actually meet up, captain sunshine—the most accepting and kind man alive who is just friends with anyone—thinks that Neil is just an absolute asshole.

Bonus if Neil is completely oblivious to this. They start talking after a game and Jeremy is being super cold to him, to the point that even the foxes notice how awkward the conversation is, and then later that night Neil’s just like: “Jeremy’s the best, one of the only exy captains I actually have respect for.” And the other foxes are like ???