The Biggest Thing I Took Away From The Short Stories Is How Much Andrew Minyard Cares About People. He

For the record, Neil will do as he's told by others because compliance gets him what he wants. His obedience is fueled solely by ulterior motive.

But Neil will do as he's told by Andrew because Andrew Said So. His obedience is fueled by trust and pretty eyes.

I fucking- I can't find it right now, but whichever one of you motherfuckers said Andrew's 'lack of control' was actually just intentionally calculated releases of pressure, that he was always in control when he lashed out because he lashed out in very specific and measured degrees - every single 'too far' was always 'just enough', its just no one else saw the raging volcanic inferno brewing just beneath the floorboards cus they were too distracted by how ear piercing the sound of the tea kettle going off was-

You're so sexy and I love you, but I wanna respond to you in spirit cus I can't find your post babes

We love 'biblically accurate' and 'devil's sacrament' as religious phrases yea? Well, my favorite (aside from 'heated fellowship', a black christian euphemism for fucking nasty) happens to be to 'know' or more specifically to 'know biblically', another word/phrase for fucking someone nasty.

stay with me this is going somewhere i promise pack a bag if you must

The interpretation I was raised with was that sexual intimacy was so vulnerable and exposing of one's most inner authenticity (that which apparently only God had such access to) that sex could make someone Know and See you the way Christ did (yadda yadda, "only fuck other Christians cus they'll be saved and sanctified enough to honor that blessing", yadda yadda) ANYWAY

THE POINT IS

You ever have someone in your life who just,,, saw you? Like, they could take one look at you and just Intuit Through The Vibes that something was up? Like they could just feel your energy and knew what to do or say or whatever? The kind of person who could walk into a room where you're minding your own business, doing something mundane, and they take one cursory scan of your posture and immediately ask "What's wrong?" like,,, what??? why do you ask??? what do you mean 'you can tell', I'm not fucking doing anything???

The kind of being seen for who you are that just leaves you feeling kinda exposed and tender? The kind of thing that leaves you bereft and yearning if you've never experienced it before (or had but lost it) because it feels like everyone only likes different mirages of you?

Andrew and Neil are so Relationship Of All Time because they seemed to See and Know each other like that even before they started locking lips on rooftops.

When Neil said "I want to see you lose control", i'm imagining Andrew probably felt so naked and flayed because everyone assumed he was perpetually losing his grip. On his anger, on his sanity, on reality, on his control. But like,,, Op's Spirit Of Post Long Lost, you were so fucking right. Every bit of Andrew's behavior was carefully calculated and intentionally released packages of what was his True Inner Turbulence that he would never dare release out into the open because that's not a target he's willing to give anyone a chance at aiming for.

Out of control? Andrew hasn't been that since he was probably a tween.

But Neil had never been fooled. From cigarettes and airport pickups to cigarettes and rooftop altercations, not once had he fallen for the mirage.

Without ever having needed to touch him in that way, Neil Knew Andrew. Biblically.

And that's why Andrew simply had to engage him in heated fellowship.

Thinking about how the foxes are all technically famous and probably have fangirls. Imagine how many girls are only at those games to see Matt or Kevin. Hell, even Neil. The posters would be insane 😭

You know I get it.

the crazy thing is u can legitimately see wade wilson, the merc w a mouth, willingly choose to be gentle with logan — specifically after the fight/fuck in the car. because at first wolverine was just a thing to use. he was one of hundreds of thousands of logans in the multiverse, and he existed to save wade’s timeline. but logan saw right thru wade within hours of knowing him (and was able to hurt him). and in turn wade saw logan……they are very alike in a lot of ways. wade uses humor and logan his anger but they both have deep trauma (years of being seen as only killers, being turned into a “monster” by the government, suicidal tendencies), they both have self esteem and insecurities, they both feel like they don’t deserve to be loved or to be happy, they both struggle to trust. logan was called the worst wolverine and when wade realized why and how close it hit home w his own issues, it became oh. that’s not just a wolverine, that’s my wolverine. he’s wounded and he wants to die and he never wants another person to get close to his heart because god it hurts but at the same time he wants to live & love. and wade chose to be the one to bring him home & help him do so

nathaniel, neil, nathaniel, neil. andrew flips the two names around in his head like tossing a coin. heads or tails, the coin always comes up abram. nathaniel and neil are two sides of the same coin; forged in a dark basement, in musty hotel rooms, on the exy court. both hate sweets, love to run, to talk back any chance they get.

some days, the coin lands on nathaniel. jack makes one too many comments at practice and neil - no, nathaniel - has him on the ground, raquet to his neck in an instant. he can't hear what the strikers are saying but through the grate of the helment, andrew sees nathaniel's smile.

others, it lands on neil. andrew finds neil and matt splayed out on the couch, three movies deep into a "pop culture lesson". neil motions for andrew to sit and absently cards his fingers through the blond's hair. matt hides his grin in his sleeve.

but abram; he runs to andrew after each winning game to tap sticks, he sits each friday in columbia, talking about escape routes for an alien invasion, he keeps ice cream in the freezer and cigarettes in his backpocket.

heads or tails, doe or minyard, doe or minyard.

doe was made and unmade in california. 13 homes, 13 film reels constantly playing in the back of his mind, each scene driving the cuts deeper and deeper. andrew doe learns the danger of wanting and vows to keep everyone out.

minyard went to juvie for his brother. he crashed the car to keep him safe. he spent years on medication that sent him up up up to protect his cousin. minyard guards himself with knives sharper than his glare; he protects those that are his and fuck anyone else.

heads or tails, the coin starts to come up drew.

it starts small; quick grins in columbia at neil; shared dinners with aaron that don't end in a fight; something like excitment in his stomach before an exy game. when neil is hanging out with the upperclassman, he stays.

heads or tails; the coin lands on growth

exy twitter (neil josten: pr nightmare au)

Andrew and Neil definitely cuddle, BUT i am a firm believer of two things, 1) their go-to is just Andrew lying on top of Neil like a weighted blanket (never the other way around though) and 2) andrew never like wraps his arms around neil to the point of holding him in place/restricting his movement or even putting them in positions that could make that a possibility even on accident

Andreil doesn't humanise each other. Yes they do pull parts of themselves that others might consider admirable closer to the surface, but to call it humanising someone sounds like you're not considering someone as a person capable of good. Andrew was capable of good regardless of Neil and same goes for Neil. It was just a matter of circumstances.

Neil would've also hated it if this was being said about Andrew who is called 'a monster' by others, rather than just a person/human.

They're not each others answer and they wanted each other just the way they were. Truthful, earnest and themselves, which means that yes they are assholes.

Shhhhh the blorbos are sleepy