I Mean Yeah We All Know That Neil Is A Good Liar And All, But I Think Sometimes We Forget To What Extent.

Thinking about how, after Riko's death, maybe Kevin was given a box when he and Wymack attended the funeral. About Kevin getting back all of his books on history, his favorite hoodie, all of the things that he'd left behind when he ran.

And maybe, just maybe, tucked into the box among his other abandoned possessions, he finds old photographs of himself and Riko as children, grins wide with missing teeth and little league exy racquets in their hands. Of awkward teenagers in suits that make them look like they're playing at being grown as they attend their first press conference. He finds old, folded notes written in Japanese and scrawled on torn sheets of notebook paper passed between them during their homeschooling lessons.

Kevin feels safe enough with his father at his side to allow himself to grieve not only the loss of his best friend of twenty years, but also the people that he and Riko could have been if things had been ever so slightly different.

Neil knows love exists because Andrew is full of it. He sees it when Andrew cooks two different batches of pancakes, one batch being regular and the other chocolate chip, because he knows Neil doesn’t like sweets.

He sees it when Andrew specifically puts sticky notes on the wall next to their front door because he knows Neil is likely to see them and be reminded of things he needs to do that day.

He sees it when he and Andrew drive hours to listen to Aaron give his valedictorian speech at his university graduation.

And he feels it when Andrew cradles his head in the dead of night and reminds him who he is. Saying:

“You are Neil Josten, a nuisance with a smart mouth. And you are home.”

As someone who is also touch averse a lot I just can’t stop thinking about Andrew. Like a popular head cannon is that he reads a lot.. and like couples are always cuddling or casually touching in books and shows, and I’m just thinking about him seeing that and seeing Neil and just, having such intense bursts of wanting to do that. But then when thinking about actually doing it it’s immediate revulsion… anyways just projecting once again onto my favs… but I think of Andrew a lot

Hello Friend I have so many thoughts and I'm actively vibrating with the opportunity to talk about this hold on

I'm like,,, both. I am touch averse AND touch starved for a Encyclopedia of reasons. Details aren't important but the result is “I wanna be held but I'm doubly scared of being hurt and also of being rejected therefore I shall stand here and stare at you really really hard and hope somewhere within you is a desire to hold me and no desire to harm or leave and maybe this time my body won't revolt maybe this time or this time or this time or”

And look, despite my crippling desire to be Objective in my literary analysis of Andrew and Neil and Jean and all my other beloved Foxes and Floozies I KNOW good and well that I project on them anyway so like,,,

I imagine Andrew as having those Bursts of Wanting just like you described, but he's often able to dismiss them.

With Nicky he doesn't concern himself with boundaries enough to be safe that way. Nicky has to be reminded of boundaries at knife point sometimes while Neil has to be told only once (and that's if he didn't already infer them himself).

With Aaron there's too much barbed wire between them to be safe that way. Aaron has been so hurt by Andrew that some resentment might poke out even when he does try to reach out, while Neil holds zero resentment towards Andrew even for things Andrew actually did to him! Neil mastered the art of Letting That Shit Go For The Sake Of Moving Forward while on the run with Mary - doing it with Andrew is a cake walk.

Kevin is so self absorbed and Exy centric that even the ways he wishes to express his love and care for others is filtered through the lens of what HE thinks is Right and Good and Safe and that's not safe enough for someone who wants to be considered in their own right without any qualifiers, while Neil will look at Andrew and even his own opinions on the matter get reduced to secondary considerations in the face of What Andrew Said. He might still express his opinion but he values Andrew's comfort and safety often more than his own opinions.

It's easy to shut down the Wanting when it arises because of others since the Cons are obvious and plentiful.

I'm betting that's part of the reason the Burst Of Wanting is so much MORE when directed at Neil because,,, the cons are, what? That Neil might die? That's everyone sweetheart, the fragility of humanity is the ever present Sword of Damocles hanging over everyone's endeavor for intimacy and connection, join the club in our inexorable march onwards ever onwards.

But the other shit, those other cons… Neil took care of those already. Neil honors Andrew's boundaries. Neil would hurt himself to keep from hurting Andrew. Neil actively tries to see things from Andrew's perspective instead of coloring everything with his own Bias Crayons. I'm not saying Neil is Perfect In Every Way, but on all perceivable accounts, Neil is safe. Safe to Want. Safe to Reach For. Safe to Touch.

Safe to Be Touched By.

How fucking scary is that?

Andrew looks at Neil, feels that Burst of Want followed by that stomach pitted drop of Fear like standing on a rooftop edge and fucking,,, what is he meant to do with that??? What is he supposed to do about Neil’s siren song of Safety??? Give in to it??? Body says No. Brain says No. Heart says Yes but we don't listen to that bitch, they don't get a vote.

But then the Brain starts getting convinced. And then the Body starts getting convinced. And then the Heart started revolting against their cage. And Andrew is sitting there like… are you so fucking for real right now?

And then Neil asks “Yes or no?” And then Neil accepts “Nothing” at face value. And then Neil accepts “I hate you” like it was a gift. Like Andrew is a gift.

What is a man to do then?

Of course we can't stop thinking about Andrew.

Projecting onto your favs again? Me too Bestie. Me too.

Jean is not a delicate little butterfly that’s been trampled into the mud. He’s a chained dragon that’s been trampled into the mud, and the chains are off now. No one else could survive what he went through for as long as he did, certainly not with any trace of spirit or heart still intact. No wonder Jean feels so unseen. Not because people can’t see his pain… but because that’s ALL they’re seeing. How frustrating to prove yourself unbreakable only to be always seen as something broken. He’s faced the darkest fires of hell and survived, but everyone’s focussed on his still-smoking wounds instead of his still-beating heart. This man is a warrior. It’s his enemies they should feel sorry for.

Andrew is the favorite uncle. Not just for Aaron and Nicky’s kids but all the foxes kids are just obsessed with uncle Andrew.

None of the foxes understand why except for Neil. But that only because Neil is there when Andrew gets up at three am to answer a phone call from their sobbing niece, who admits for the first time out loud that maybe she isn’t a boy and “is that okay uncle Andrew”. Or when Kevin’s kid shows up at there house after getting in an argument with her dad and Andrew lets her rage and rant until it doesn’t seem like the end of the world anymore, then walks her home (hc: they live pretty close for a while cause their on the same team). Or when nobody can get Aaron’s twins to stop crying but as soon as Andrew is given a turn at trying to calm the babies they stop immediately.

The kids all love Andrew he’s the first one they go to with their issues, he’s the first one they run too when all the foxes are together, he’s the first one that they come out too if they’re queer(Nicky is so mad when his kid comes out to Andrew before him)

He’s just a really good uncle.

For the few years that Andrew and Neil are on different pro teams Andrews team knows next to nothing about him. Now since he got off his meds and significantly mellowed out after graduating, its not that his team mates don’t like him, they just don’t know who he is outside of being an amazing player. When his teammates release their lack of Andrew Minyard info the “who the fuck is our goalie” coalition is created. They share all the information they have on Andrew in order to paint the picture of who the hell this man is.

One day one teammate comes across Andrew after practice reading a book in the players lounge. As they step closer to desifer the cover Andrew glances up at them with a questioning look. When they ask what the book is Andrew gives a surprised raise of his eyebrow and gives a shockingkly well put together synopses of the plot. After the player goes home that night they look up the book only to discover that the fantasy adventure novel that was described to them was not only an extremely sappy romance, it was also the last part of a queer YA series.

Andrew is spotted soon after at a local coffee shop drinking some sort of whip cream topped chocolate concoction with reading material much different than before. He sips his drink and peruses some large fancy looking book. With only a quick google search they realize that its some complex scientific book about Homo sapiens through history?

A few weeks later another of Andrews teammates walk in on a pacing Andrew with his phone clutched to his ear. He’s talking in an intense whisper, not angry but concerned, about some sort of cat sitter falling through. After Andrew spots them he hisses out a quick goodbye into the phone and hangs it up. When they ask what the call was about, Andrew contemplates for a second then explained that he’s visiting family and the cat sitter he had sceduled wasn’t going to be able to come after all. When the teammate volunteers to do the job Andrew only sighs but accepts their offer. After a weekend of cat sitting and semi snooping around Andrews apartment the brave cat sitter reports back to the team with all their suspicions confirmed.

Andrews pro teammates have concluded this: Andrew Minyard is not the violent and cruel man the media and his past can make him out to be. Andrew is actually a cat loving book nerd with a spotless apartment decorated in soft cream and earth tones. He is sarcastically funny and incredibly smart. And maybe, just maybe, Andrews pro team are some of the first people to see him for who he truly is under his sandpaper exterior.

I love seeing Neil through Jean’s eyes because we really see how much of the Butcher is in him and how much of Nathaniel is still there, when reading through Neil’s pov he’s aware of it but we don’t see it, but Jean can see it so clearly, it’s no wonder that when Kevin found out, he took one look at Neil and then could see it right away

…Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other’s gravity, in each other’s space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long…

The line ‘He’s not allowed to fight his addiction.’ changed my perception of Andrew Minyard forever

You know what I want?

Well I'm getting ahead of myself already. You know what I like?

I like those fics where someone says something untoward about Andrew (usually about his character, usually in reference to violence, and sometimes in reference to be worried about Neil's domestic safety) and Neil just,,, immediately starts tango-ing with his instinct to commit violence (sometimes an immediate 'oh. i gotta kill them now' or 'they mean well and also don't understand, don't kill them don't kill them don't-').

I also like those fics where Neil confronts his ability to be violent, but in a way that contains too much willingness and not enough shame, thus triggering his Wesninski Prodigal Son Issues (best when it's because his violence comes from either survival instincts or protective instincts - 'better them over me/my family').

With that in mind, you know what I want? I want a post-canon fic that is a big character study on Neil's capacity for fatal violence vs his desire to preserve life. First half of the fic being the tragic "Am I really my father's son?" angst where the person who keeps helping him through it is Andrew. Probably someone said something Quite Accurate But In Bad Faith about Neil in the media, which gathered attention, and it hit home harder than anticipated and now Neil is spiraling.

Do this a few times, Rule Of Threes and all that.

Then have a scene where Andrew does some violence (someone says something sexual about anyone under Andrew's umbrella of 'I care about this person but don't tell anyone I said that') and Neil stops him from doing something *clears throat* Not Great When Caught On Camera, and as a consequence someone expresses something about Andrew.

And Neil? Responds accordingly. Very Wesninski coded (I refrain from saying Nathaniel coded because that one fic somewhere on my pinned post convinced me that Nathaniel was never a cold blooded violent type - that was never his purpose. Nathaniel takes hits and survives them, he gets cut and makes sure he doesn't bleed out, he gets cornered and finds an out to run through. Nathaniel was never a predator, he was always prey, and that's why Nathan always saw him as a failure because Wesninski's were always supposed to be Apex Predators- but i digress)

Cue Neil unrepentantly embracing being Very Very Scary and later Andrew asks him how that little show is holding up with his issues. Neil shrugs and spouts some unintentionally romantic shit about not letting shit slide in regards to besmirching Andrew's character in front of his face. Cue Andrew saying something about 'Wesninski's would never commit violence out of protective affection. Only a Josten would do that.'

and suddenly Neil's spiraling is over via the power of Realizing Things, there's some banter about letting each other fight their own battles, Andrew says he hates him, questions get whispered and yeses get exchanged and lips get locked and other things get extracurricularly activitied-

Yea, that's what I want