Same (":

Apparently it's not normal to have suicidal thoughts???? Like ever????? Apparently the average person doesn't think about killing themselves even once in their life????? What the fuck.

Me: *intentionally cuts and massacres my legs for years with no problem*

Also me: *cuts finger open in a cheese grater and instantly faints*

Andd this is why I cut myself off from everyone and no longer reply to messages :)

Friendships/relationships are exhausting, and I’m starting to wonder if its even worth it anymore. I’m the only one who tries anymore. I’m the only one sending the first text, I’m the only one who initiates hanging out, I’m the only one who cares. What’s even the point? 

Never tell someone who’s been through shit that others have had it worse. That will makes them feel like their feelings, emotions, illness, experiences/trauma, etc. aren’t valid or good enough. It will make them feel like they don’t have a right to feel the way the do. You can’t compare other people’s struggles, everyone has been through different things. everyone is a different person.

Whatever you are going through, whatever you’ve been through, it’s valid. You have a right to feel the way you do. You have every right. Don’t let someone else make you feel guilty for the things that you feel or have been through.

And most importantly, don’t let yourself convince you that your feelings aren’t valid and that you have no right. Everyone struggles with their own shit, don’t compare yourself to others.

TW really deep dark thoughts..

I want to recover… but I’m too scared. I want to eat… but I’m too scared. I want to live… but I’m too scared. I’m just too scared of the thought of gaining weight. Of showing myself out there in the world. I want to hide. I want to silently vanish away somehow.. yet I know that that isn’t possible. I’m in a constant fight in my own brain. As if there’s a own dark world in there where there’s pure chaos but also pure silence. Its like a dark neighbourhood at night and i walk through it but it’s so mf silent but it’s that scary type of silence where you know the next second something’s gonna happen. That terrifying type of silence. Where you don’t get a single second to breathe and relax. Always on the run. As if there’s something constantly behind you hunting you. THATS my brain.. I’m not living unless I feel.. pain. I’ve been in a constant numb mode where I just can’t cry. Even if I try and want to. I can’t. Fucking. Cry. When all I want is to have a good cry to let it all out. Instead, it develops into anger against myself and that’s when selfharm and starvation happily Hand in hand enter and punish me. For what? Existing???? What is this bullshit… I’m getting to a point where I don’t think I will ever be able to recover. I want to… but I’m just too… scared. Because all these dark thoughts are so damn familiar and in a way comforting bc it’s all I know. I wish I could experience the good. The happiness. The warmth and light so I can find comfort in there instead..

Do you read y/n fanfic based around someone finding about your illness/selfharm/disorder just so you can feel loved when you’re too afraid to ask for it from people in your life or are you normal?

*nothing happens*

me: this is too much

Why do I always come back to this