it doesn't matter how hard I'm trying to pretend that everything is okay.
it doesn't matter how sad I am and I've been all these years
it doesn't matter if I cry or if I destroy my body
it doesn't matter
because no one seems to notice
are they blind? are they ignoring me?
i know I'm not important but anyways I was at last expecting a kind of hero.
do I have to scream? because I'm already aphonic
and tired
of crying
of feeling more than lonely
of my mind
especially for this dark shitty awful pleace that we call mind.
of me
so I'm sorry if I give up
it's not your fault.
it's mine
all mine.
because I don't see the world the same you as you see it
i only see black and white
more black than white
more darkness
in this emptiness
in me.
I just want to stop overthinking every second of my life about this
about how useless I am
about all my defects
about things I can't do
about things I've done
about things I should have done
about things I should do but I know I'm not going to.
so that it, basically
my existence is nothing
just because I'm nothing.