Anxitey - Blog Posts
I feel like shit. My minds gone to shit. I’m trying to write what I want to but I can’t process shit. This THING. EXCISTENCE. Is a piece of shit.
I have Cleverly deduced my favourite mutuals mutuals and will now slowly intact my evil scheme to infiltrate there iner circle.
It’s like 1:00 am and I keep having these weird thoughts so I’m just gonna post them here because I feel like if any site is gonna get me it would be this site. I keep having these weird thoughts because I’m super insecure but I’m also super nice so my brain sometimes just puts me in weird, impossible situations. The most common though I have is if I ever met someone who looked exactly like me or if I ever met another me that was the exact same as I am now how would I react. My brain typically does this when I’m being self deprecating and I’m overwhelmed so my first thought is typically that I’m ugly but then my brain starts berating me for being mean to this not real person who looks exactly like me. I then go in circles about this for about an hour until I force myself to sleep or I get distracted by something else.
I'd like to stop being anxious now. My head is exploding.
I dont see my therapist again until school starts and I've just unlocked a new trauma. I can only talk to one person about it and I'm freaking out. I hate this. I hate life. I'm so uncomfortable and upset and disgusted by everything. I was just starting to like myself.
I dont know what to do anymore. I try so hard and I always end up back here. I'm tired of trying to fight to get out of this. I'm just gonna stay in the dark and hopefully I'll be able to this.
I've been struggling so much. You don't even see it. I've been trying so hard to make things good again but nothing works. I put all of my effort into making us okay that I've started struggling in school. This is the worst I've ever done and I dont know what to do anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so damn tired
I feel so alone. I try to talk to you but I dont know how anymore. I ruined things between us and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not even lonely I know I have you but at the same time I'm so alone.
Life has lost meaning. Life has lost purpose. I'm so lost and numb without you. I can't do this anymore.
Had to reset the clock today. It's been a bad week. I want to lay in bed and rot now
Why do people pretend to be your friend? Why talk shit about how I look? Why not just fucking tell me or keep your opinions to yourself? My appearance does not define who I am as a person. It doesn't define my professionalism or anything. Why pretend?
Why cant I just do it? What's wrong with me?
I just want him to love me again.
When eating does anyone else feel like throwing up as soon as the food touches your tongue? Especially when it comes to meat?
I feel like I need them more than they need me. Even if I am that one that ruined everything, I still need them. I crave them. It feels like they could care less. It's what I deserve.
I wish I had the courage to end it all.
How am I supposed to live after I've hurt the person I love the most?
PSA anger is a symptom of anxiety that I feel like isn't talked about enough, angry anxiety leads to one of the worst experiences known to man, angry crying. It feels humiliating, I'm supposed to be a functional adult but I still cry when I get angry, what if people think I'm trying to manipulate them during an argument? What if they think I'm having a tantrum like a toddler? What if they think I'm just a cry baby? Why can't I simply get over stuff? I know that these symptoms are normal but I don't feel normal.
sometimes I genuinely tweak because what y'all are lying to me and secretly think I'm annoying and need to stfu
Im just cool like that {Diagnosed with anxiety at the age of 12} So fun
friendship ended with lineart. now lineless art is my best friend 💥💥💥 ily inside out anxiety
Am I ill?
Sometimes I start to wonder if I really am chronically ill. Do I really wake up every day with pain or am I just faking it all the time? I know other people actually have these issues and they are very much real, but to me, I don't know what is real for myself anymore. I try so hard to be normal, yet the pain comes back. It always will come back. I wake in the mornings with a killing pain surging through my jaw. I know that last night I must have been fighting monsters, swinging swords that allow me to defeat these dragons lingering in the mountains. Yet, today as I wake up the pain isn't from a dragon or those monsters I fought, it's from my trying to dislocate once more. The throbbing pain in my head isn't from being flung against the wall of a dragon's den, that pain is from my chronic migraines that linger in me causing it almost impossible to eat and hold my food down. That surging sensation that spirals in my belly, drifting up towards my heart and seeping through my veins isn't the poison of my enemy trying to defeat me at last, this is the anxiety that causes me to isolate myself until everything is fine again. The anxiety that holds me back from chasing these wild imaginations because I'm not okay. I don't think I ever will be okay, but am I really ill?
needy streamer overload
I bought the game because it was on sale so I don't regret buying it.
and it reminded me of an app called virtual and how you can be a vt-uber and shit. so i said fuck it why not im bored and lonely and might as well be a cute anime girl too.
i redownloaded it
but for fuck sakes its camera is awful at tracking
and im so goddam awful at socializing and i fucking wished it had an app on the pc BUT EVEN IF IT DID MY SHIT INTERNET IS SO GODDAM SLOW AND I CANT DO SHIT JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE
so im stuck here in my room doing nothing but be on my phone and laptop. seeing other people do things i want to do. why cant that be me also. If i can't do shit how am i going to earn money. my anxiety holds me back i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this.
the only friend i have are online but even that is a pain in the ass BECAUSE OF MY SHITTY ASS WIFI THE FUCKING PING IS SO DAMN HIGH SO IM JUST WATCHING THEM HANGOUT WITH EACHOTHER WHILE I JUST STAND BY AND WATCH I CANT EVEN DOWNLOAD FUCKING VALORANT WITHOUT IT TAKING THE WHOLE DAY BITCH ASS CUNT KYS
Lmaoo i did that and lost a friend yippieeee
Lost another friendship. Feeling superb.
I feel like throwing up.
Why is it so hard to maintain friends? Am I doing something wrong? Im tired..
About to reinstall discord!!
To check if i missed any important messages!1!!
To check if my favorite person messaged me!!!
To only see an empty inbox
To 0 messages
To an empty dm list.
Another reminder that I have no one to talk to.
A lot of folks in the notes are saying how this is social anxiety. Lol whatever op was describing is not social anxiety.
They don't like being perceived. Idk how hard that is to understand.
For me, social anxiety is about freaking out over social interactions. Of course, being perceived and judged is a part of it but it isn't the main thing ykwim?
But its different for everyone let's all remember that.
Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of being perceived.
Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?
Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.
Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?
Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?
Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?
Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out
People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?
Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.
It's all a defence mechanism
How I used to feel. Maybe what I wanted was not romantic love. Maybe I just wanted to not feel lonely anymore.
I want love but I don't want to have to beg for it. Please love me too. Please acknowledge me. It's like you don't want me here anymore...are you better off without me? Is everyone better off without me?...
beware, this is a vent-ish
do you ever feel so much anxiety & empty yearning for something, but you cannot grasp the concept of what it is so you just end up crying hysterically. I swear I’m going crazy.
(not in a cringe way)
.♡
Sometimes your anxiety is just too much for you, and eventually it can’t take it anymore then transforms into a sentient creature.
It’s not so bad once I got to know it. It was just scared of everything.