@na Dairy - Blog Posts
i think i have to accept i’m building muscle
pros are burning cals at rest but cons are A HIGHER WEIGHT ON THE SCALE ARFGHG
when i was eating normally last week i probably started growing smth but still
is the wellness lifestyle for me?? xx
body positivity activists when you’re shaped somewhere in between thin and average
cannot wait until i find myself a drug dealer later and immediately ask for a tub of adderal
tw long ana rant
i’m so pissed off rveruday is a battle to convince myself that i need help, that i’m not a wannarexic, that my body is normal maybe a little skinny, that it’s not abt what i eat but how i think but i can’t fucking believe ANYTHING
i can’t thr0w up to save my life i can’t relate when ppl say “i could never eat all that” bc ik damn well i could. i could eat that entire plate and still be hungry for seconds. for desert.
no matter how many times i remind myself i’m literally -ving, that i’m weak and knee-deep into this ed i can’t believe it
bc i don’t look sick enough. no one can tell i’m fucked up except for my friends who probably know by now. only they know i refuse to eat yet the second i break my fast i’ll gorge on anything near me.
not all of my bones are showing yet, only the normal ones that every skinny person alr has.
no matter how many hours i’ve fasted i’ve never fainted once. sure, maybe i’ve come close to that at times but that still means no one will ever know bc they’ve never seen me do it.
every time i come into school it’s the same bullshit every. single. day i’m so tired of it
i see thinspo in all of my classes and they all wish they weren’t skinny, talking abt how they wish they looked healthier or smth
“i skipped breakfast this morning bc i forgot/wasn’t hungry”, “stop i eat sooo much idk how i’m so skinny!”, “we’re such big backs for eating chips”
SHUT UPPP
who the hell loses their appetite when they’re stressed. who loses their appetite at ALL and why does it never happen to me whether i’m binging or -ving???
when i move out i’m gonna have a big fridge full of nothing
parents coming back home saved me from a terrible binge at 7am sharp
god what is wrong with me
the problem is i can follow instructions on recipes so i create delicious deserts that are now in my face 24/7
take these blueberry muffins for example. ohmigod they’re the best sensory experience ever n i never thought muffin batter was yummier than cookie dough
thank u sammie
https://sugarspunrun.com/blueberry-muffins-from-scratch/
recovery will never be an option i fear
i’m so destroyed mentally that i’ll just feel worse if i fix my relationship w food bc i’ll still be lacking everywhere else in my life
i’ll always be anxious, a people pleaser and terribly jealous of everyone else
my stomach is flat from being -ved but the bottom. it won’t fucking LEAVE
it’s like i can’t even wear a crop top bc it looks so off
broke my fast with cookie dough again who’s surprised
if i ever had to omad only one food for the rest of my life it would be these cookies
they take up literally all of my afternoon every time i make them but they’re so worth it
also ignore the 500cal per cookie i need u to ignore them so u won’t go insane
pls try them on days u don’t feel awful abt food i beg
idk why i run to the mirror every time i go to the bathroom thinking im gonna get the bc of the century
Things to do Instead of eating!
• Go on a walk
• Read
• workout ( recommend Shirlyn Kim!)
• clean your room
• Take a Everything shower
• study
• go shopping or online shop
• Binge watch Movies
• talk someone
• Draw
• scroll on tik tok
• listen to music
• make a new playlist
• paint your nails
• write
• learn how to play an instrument
• hangout with some friends
• try a new makeup routine
• spend time with your pet
• sing