But Man - Blog Posts

This is... uh, too relatable currently. Man, I'm looking for a job but can't really find one, so I'm just home all the time. I literally don't leave my house and barely eat, and I know I'm being super unhealthy, but I can hardly muster up the energy to make myself a sandwhich, let alone leave the house. And I know farther that i feel better when I'm surrounded by people, but getting the energy to actually plan something is a completely different mountain that I really don't want to bother with, so I just... lay in bed every day. Listing this out though, I think I might invite a friend to hang out today, I really do need to get out of my house

i saw a post about how modern tv suffers from the death of filler and it got me thinking about how it's exactly one of the problems i have with jjk: we didn't spend enough time with the characters.

and don't get me wrong, i love them all, but i would have just liked to see more of them interacting besides when they're fighting for their lives, because there ARE tidbits of it and they're so good and they also enhance the story because you get more attached to the characters and the emotional stakes are higher.

the flashback to where yuuji, nobara and megumi mess up gojo's shirt? hilarious, and it makes the scene of nobara's death even more heartbreaking. the part after yuuji is presumed dead, and the room goes dead silent when megumi mentions yuuji taught him how to cook the food they were eating? imagine how much harder that would have hit if we actually saw it.

i want more! i want to see megumi being forced to give nobara and yuuji a tour of tokyo, i want to see them making a mess in the kitchen while attempting to cook something, i want to see hakari and kirara being bad influences on their underclassmen, i want to see choso and yuuji bonding via usual siblings shanenigans, i want to see gojo convincing inumaki to use his cursed technique to pull a stupid prank on nanami, i! want! more!

STOP DON'T MAKE US CRY

Moon and stars domino twins?? Anyone??

I’ve written tons of characters, but as this is my original fandom, my first fandom I got into when I was younger, the first anime / manga and story I ever truly indulged in, I can say even with all the new stories, and new characters I’ve come to love, that after watching Tsuioku-hen / Trust and Betrayal once again, and knowing I will once again, glean it apart, that Kenshin Himura will always, always, be that one character (TM). 

Personal and fond musing under the cut.

I have so much to say, and each time I watch I have feelings and emotions and the ability to relate to him and understand him in a way I just...even eight months hasn’t dulled. I really don’t want to go without someone I deeply, fictional or not, empathize and relate with so personally ever again. I think his story and his character so similar to mine in personality to an eerie degree, the fact that we both are pacifists, achingly gentle people, and always strive to shield others has always resonated with me. His tragic life has resonated with me, and he has always given me hope that /my/ life that has had no small tragedies will be better because good things come to him.

This is a deeply personal post, but basically I don’t mind being compared to other characters, I always will humbly as possible find similarities in others and thank you!, that is our nature, but some characters are just that one character, that one story, that one you always thinks, ‘man we’re alike’.

And Rurouni Kenshin and Kenshin Himura are that. He will always be my favorite character. He will again, always to me, be unprecedented. The things he stands for, the things he wants to be, the countless lives he’s impacted and that innate aching kindness that he cannot let go of no matter what stage of his life...this isn’t even me being dorky, this is me completely serious that Kenshin will always be my favorite character in anything of all time. Not only that but we resonate deeply with one another. That’s something I wouldn’t trade, and honestly his story gives me hope for myself. That people like me can find peace and healing and purpose and always protect others.

This post doesn’t mean I don’t write other muses who have a different, but in their own way, equally special place in my heart, like Lucina, etc. But as I slowly invite friends once again to this place, this very, special, safe, sacred place, both in my heart and mind, engraved in me forever, I only hope that you even a little bit, cherish him as I do so wholly and utterly.

But yes, if you wanted to know Lily’s 20+ year favorite character going on into forever or as long as she’s alive, the character she arguably at the end of the day would  say she’s most like, most on keel with, can never let go of, will always carry those engraved messages inside her, then it’s Kenshin Himura, hands down.

Some stories and characters you come home to. And for me I guess every time I come here, I almost imagine someone telling me ‘welcome home’ just like in the story.

For those who write, those who empathize and resonate spiritually with a fictional story and character, I too, hope you find someone who is this for you. There is nothing wrong with finding yourself in stories. It’s natural and I encourage you. I hope that once more, I glean even further and more deeply into Kenshin than ever before. If you read this, thank you very much, I think those who know me know what this man means to me.

how it feels not being able to play a game you’ve so desperately been wanting to play for years

I JUST WANNA PLAY THE SILENT HILL GAMES SO BAD PLEASE 😭😭😭

sometimes a big struggle for me being a writer is like. i love to make worlds. and i love to make characters. but hnnnghhhh plot and conflict? most of the time i would much rather just see them living their day to day boring and silly little lives,,,, nothing exciting,,, no heroes journeys for these fellas,,,,

The truth about Aizawa’s quirk

This is so dumb but I need to share this revelation with y’all just in case anyone else has been similarly blinded to the obvious truth.

I was out here thinking “what does gene-stopping have to do with gravity manipulation?” And I spent a lot of time wondering what it means when in fact

It’s just so that it isn’t in his eyes. 💀 His quirk just made it so that his hair isn’t in his vision. I cannot recover from how obvious this should have been lol

more me verbally processing my feelings on this game and it's story that i sent in discord but i know reading these things can be helpful to others processing so im sharing them here <3

even though i think i personally am able to find coherent meaning in solas's ending, specifically the status of the veil, and i do think its good and i like it, i really have to work to do it. the way its written is kind of confusing because the message is like ok. let go of your regrets. but you also have to atone for your mistakes. but solas believes he is atoning by taking the veil back down and bringing immortality back and making sure more spirits are not turned into demons? but the story tells us that version of atonement is Wrong, but why is it wrong? because people will die? but people also die because of the veil? mages are mass incarcerated and lobotimized bc of the veil, elves have been enslaved for millenia, PEOPLE AGE AND DIE, BECAUSE OF THE VEIL? so he isnt supposed to atone for that mistake by fixing it he's just supposed to accept it and let go? so are we supposed to atone for our mistakes or not? what determines whether or not we need to atone? he has to atone for what he did to the titans but not what he did by accident to his own people i guess? and he is going to atone by maintaining the status quo that he created because people have gotten used to it?

i think the answer based on the regret prison scene with rook escaping with varric's help and that banger line of varric's is to take accountability and own up to your choices, they are yours and no one can take them from you. rook says something to one of the regret statues (for me it was harding) thats like "i made a choice and so did you and you knew the risks" or something so i think that is the key. solas cannot accept his choices and so he is desperate to undo them no matter what kind of harm it may do. he is trapped in regret and the past to the point that he cant accept them and move forward, and varric is the perfect contrast of this with how readily he accepts his death as a consequence of his love and hope for his friend. even mythal accepts her own choices when she tells solas that she turned him from his purpose. and she doesnt apologize or even express regret at all, partly because shes a crazy bitch (affectionate) but partly because i think her quiet, cold acceptance is part of the lesson solas needs to learn in that moment. solas is constantly saying, "im sorry, but", "ir abelas, vhenan, but i cannot". mythal just states her actions plainly; i forced you to take a body, i brought you into war, these burdens are ours to bear together, i release you. no apology, no rumination, she is at peace with her decision even though it is wrong. i think this works wonderfully on a personal individual level of personal regrets. it is a good lesson; regret does not serve any purpose other than to hurt you. it brings no one back, it helps nothing, it does not make the world a better place. solas has to let go of his regrets so that he can become the hero that varric sees deep down in him. it is an essential part of his personal journey as a character... but it gets stickier when we are talking about systemic change. obvi a lot of dragon age's modern, young audience is very much in favor of "tear it all down!!" and i am too but i think with solas they are trying to tell a very personal and individual story of a man and his regrets rather than make a social commentary on radical change, but they also dont make that clear enough, so the two get muddied together when it comes to the question of the veil in a way that feels like they are advocating for maintaining the status quo, which i dont think was their intention.

i think this is so muddied because inquisition very much makes clear commentary on systems and institutions with the chantry, the orlesian empire, ferelden monarchy, mages and templars, and the inquisition itself being all vulnerable to corruption, and solas has a lot to say about all of this and he is very much presented as being right (like when he tells you about the corruption in your own ranks in trespasser and how hes spying on you lol) and then veilguard does not do this AT ALL, all of the issues are very personal ones of people and their identity, people and their family, people and their regrets etc. so i think a lot of us are in this mindset from inquisition of like.... yeah disrupt the status quo install a puppetmaster elf to rule an imperialist empire, make leliana pope and radicalize the chantry even if its bloody, dissolve the inquisition, abolish the circles etc. etc. and the question of the veil is very much an extension of these philosophical questions about systems and organizations. and for those of us who leaned towards dissolution of all of those corrupt structures, dissolution of the veil is the logical conclusion to a story thats sending us that message. but then veilguard just. does not even engage with these topics at all. like its not even a question. it takes the question of the veil and translates it into a personal issue of solas's psyche (which is super interesting, just different) and connects it to his past actions, his relationship with mythal, and his perception of himself, rather than a macro-level question of what is best for the world when pursuing change, and the answer for solas on a personal level ends up being different from the answer that inquisition was asking us, but it feels disjointed as a result.

so the veil staying up was the right decision because it forced solas to let go of his regrets and the game is about him. so it was an exercise in his therapy session with his two ex-gfs and some annoying kid who wont leave him alone. but the problem is it doesn't answer or engage with the greater questions and themes about systemic change that the series has been building up to.

veilguard is interesting because it wants to be dragon age 2 so bad while simultaneously being terrified of dragon age 2. solas bringing down the veil would have been the answer to the question that anders blowing up the chantry asked, but veilguard decided to ask a completely different question instead. and i think it did a good job in that specific goal, but it doesnt satisfy 15 years of build up and instead just throws it out the window in favor of something else.

💀

Absolute Savage