Depressing Shit - Blog Posts

i hate being the second choice..Always the backup friend...like what do you mean you text me only when your friends dont have time? fuck this shit...like my friend just canceled a sleepover because his friend is not sick anymore and can go out💀

BRO💀bro~😲

My dad brought a box full of razor blades from work...🥹ummm like...is it a gift orrr

I need to lose 4 kilos.....but its so hard oh my god...

Relapsing feels so good and shitty at the same time..

my mom kicked me out of the house for a night xdd so im at my friends house haha my savior

i have no future

no like actually i dont,My family always says that...Even my psychiatrist said Im just causing problems for my family🤷🏻‍♂️its like everyone wants me to ki11 myself

The principal invited my parents to school (again)

due to my absence...I can't go to school because of mental problems and bullying,but the school doesnt give a shit ofc...idk let me just rot in my bed

dinner?

i feel sick

everytime i eat something i feel so sick like i need to throw up oh my god i just can't eat its so hard

there Is no way i am real

nothing is real there is no way i feel like an npc

my another poem! My friend said I should post them but I'm scared because they are shitty asf anyways enjoy

Onion

An onion has layers, so many to peel,

but strip them too fast, and there's nothing to feel.

You can try to stack them, shove them inside,

but stripped of its soul, it cannot survive.

Does it burn? Do your eyes start to weep?

Do you see your mistakes, all buried so deep?

Or do you pretend, repaint the sky,

hiding the cracks with a colorful lie?

Forgiveness is hard when darkness remains,

when trust is just shadows and love leaves a stain.

Loneliness lingers, it pulls me back,

without you, I’d fall through the endless black.

A film-like romance, yet we’re just the cast,

acting for nothing, pretending to last.

Is this performance worthy of pride?

Or just a lie with nowhere to hide?

For you, it’s over, but I can't let go,

you broke me apart, then built me up slow.

I see you as savior, yet also my curse—

my healer, my ruiner, for better, for worse.

I translated another of my poems!

do you like it?

Silent Eruption

I want to scream with all my might,

let my soul burst into light.

Would anyone care to hear my plea?

To listen, to help, to set me free?

This feeling spreads just like a flame,

a sleeping volcano calling my name.

Words are boiling, yet stay inside,

my lips are locked, my voice denied.

So here I stand with a frozen grin,

a smile I wear—but cannot see within.

Is there anyone who likes poetry?

this is my own poetry i wrote and translated into English! im sorry if it doesnt really make sense haha

The Reflection’s Whisper

My longing is stronger, so hard to defy,

heavier than shadows that blur every lie.

From my own reflection, the darkness calls,

with morning’s light, the image falls.

"Come... come on, don’t hesitate!

Throw your life away—it’s not too late!

Before the pain can strike once more,

you’ll be long gone behind church doors!"

My mirrored voice whispers low,

I shake my head—what does it know?

"Oh, what must I do to make you see,

so my own reflection lets me be?

I know that peace in endless rest

is wrong... but oh, it tastes the best."

I lift my gaze and meet its eyes,

a hand is reaching—offering ties.

"Take my hand, come follow me,

no more pain, just endless sleep."

Slowly, I lift my trembling hand,

our fingers meet—and I’m pulled in.

A world of black and white surrounds,

I wander lost, no peace is found.

"Oh my God, forgive my crime!

I want to live, just one more time!

My life was fragile like a flower,

I see it now, this final hour."

Barefoot I walk on roads so cold,

the morning dew so soft yet bold.

Before me stands a chapel tall,

inside, I step—then see it all.

Figures dressed in mourning black,

sorrow weighing on their backs.

I hear them weeping, lost in grief,

tears like rain, no hope, no relief.

I step in closer—then I freeze,

what I see brings me to my knees.

My lifeless body, pale and still,

lying there against my will.

"Oh, don’t cry, I’m still right here!

Trapped inside the glass so clear,

lured by whispers, drawn too near."

But none can hear me, none can see,

my voice is gone—lost completely.

Guilt consumes me, cold as stone,

from head to toe, I’m all alone.

My chest is aching—grief or death?

I cannot feel my final breath.

The earth embraces me at last,

my faith has faded—buried past.

Im crying in the bathroom for two hour

The psychiatrist told me everything is my fault and she yelled at me

i dont see a fuckin Reason to live i dont have anybody nobody gives a shit about me fuck i can't anymore

im seeing my psychiatrist tomorow..I decided to tell her everything like EVERYTHING,im scared asf but idc anymore

im two days clean from sh

i know its not really speciál but its a really big step for me

im so damn lonely am i even real

im so scared pls

i dont want to go to school tomorow...

I haven't been to school for 3 weeks but i still not mentally ready to go tomorow..my mom said she doesnt care anymore and i need to go..any tips?

just did a Sh aftercare fór the first time damn I deserve a price😭umm i went too far this time ehhhhhh

im so damn tired

I haven't been to school for three weeks because my mental health got really bad..i just feel so shitty will I ever feel better?

i just live in my head and daydream

eh im still alive

I haven't post anything for three days because im kinda Fighting with my mental health...its shitty oh god i just want to hurt mself

Yesterday I was happy that my cuts were healing....i fucked up today..

I lost my Blade?!!?!! like i dont give a fuck but like WHERE IS IT what if my parents founds it im cooked

edit - nwm i found it...I am such an idiot im literally laughing rn oh god 😭😭🖐🏻🖐🏻💀

im kinda scared i think one of my cut is infected 💀umm 😭😭

my therapist said it would be a good idea to send me to a mental hospital..my mom talked about it too...idk leave me alone

i love the feeling of blood dripping down my leg and arms...

My mom forced me to eat..it took me 30 minutes to eat a banana..i want to throw up ew

me and the voices in my head

little "whisper" i made...

i hate myself so much,i feel like i dont have a personality and I try to act different just so someone will like me..but no who the fuck would like me? like...i feel like a one big mistake