”your hair gets curly when are in love aliza, and i know those curls weren’t there before”
i take a deep breath in the mirror and think about how different i am now.
i look forward to the darkness and the quiet. even though i am scared of it, that is the only time i feel something.
another valentine’s day without you is another year of melancholy.
you’ve ruined my life. i will say i love you until i am hoarse. i will kiss you until my lips are raw. i will cry for you until i cry a river. i will hold you until my arms can no longer hold themselves up. i will miss you until the sun sinks into the sky for the final time.
i am always short on words when i feel immensely.
nothing. i feel nothing.
come back soon. to the girl you destroyed.
i find space to heal in the margins, in quiet afternoons, and in hugs from people i love.
i am a skeleton walking, for you have stolen my heart.
what would’ve happend, if i didn’t walk into that bar? if i didn’t see your face? if you didn’t steal glances from across the room all night? if you didn’t walk up to me with your crooked smirk? if you didnt leave to get a rose from the convenience store 3 blocks down? if you didn’t ruin my life?
if the hunger games were real, i would’ve eaten those berries without you. i would’ve let you win.
happiness is running away from me. and i am letting it happen.
i was born with half a soul. the other half is nestled in your chest.
if you died, they may as well pronounce me dead too.
my worst nightmare is being stuck in this terribly boring town doing something mediocre.
IM ALIVE. IM ALIVE SO TODAY I ACTED LIKE IT.
so far this year, the only thing i’ve been is a disservice to the people around me. most days i’m too selfish to get out of bed.
my life is tied to your in the strongest of knots. no terrors could unravel us. you are too tangled into the depth of my soul.
i feel new. and fresh. and pure. and god it feels fleeting.
happiness feels a million miles away and thousands of years in the past.
hey wouldn’t it be cool if we were codependent on each other and you needed me just as much as i need you.
just because you are not mine, doesn’t mean i can’t wish you were.
i feel you in the sun shining down on my shoulders. in the breeze in my hair. in the tears on my cheeks. in the iron in my blood. in the taste on my tongue. in the scratch on my left shoulder. in bit marks down my neck. in your initial hanging from a chain around my neck.
i feel my innocence slip away like a peaceful afternoon after a dreadful week.
i have this terrible longing hiding inside my chest.
i miss you like orpheus misses eurydice.
when i can’t sleep at night, it is your memory playing in my head that keeps me awake.
normals childhoods don’t exist. parents break up. dogs die. houses burn. friends betray. money runs out.
my brothers are not my blood, but they are mine. we have been through tragedy and triumph together. they have been my shoulder to cry on, and i have wiped away many of their tears myself. my soul will always be tied with theirs.