Very hairy, mostly upper body tho
Polish heritage
Unlike Pete who does know Polish, Ted only knows basic phrases and words
He uses this to pick up women and thinks it's cool to know multiple languages (if you're from Europe, you know it's kinda not)
He does know it enough to communicate with Pete when the boy calls him and has to be discreet (Pete makes sure Ted understands him)
Has a goat hoof shaped birthmark that every single Spankoffski that has ever lived has. Both him and Pete have it on their right forearm
Was made fun of cause of the birthmark so he hates goats
Lives in a two bedroom apartment with Pete near his work
When he needs to drive Pete to school, he makes Pete pay him
The money doesn't stay with him tho, as he puts it in Pete's snack fund that he gives him every day before school
Ted pays for the snack fund himself
Plays Europop loudly when in his car, embarrassing Pete whenever they drive together
Music taste stuck in early 2000s, doesn't know modern artists at all (pretends to know when he needs to pick up women
Owns fedoras and Panama hats
Owns way too many summery button ups with hideous prints
Bisexual but leans towards women
Likes the color yellow, especially mustard yellow
Seen as the fuck up in his family, Pete is the only one who cares about him (Pete was a do-over baby for their parents)
Only one with his own office at CCRP cause he has no shame and annoys his coworkers constantly (can't be fired cause he's one of their lab rats, ofc)
Dog person
Gets Jenny flashbacks constantly and drinks to forget
His theme song is Lady Mustache by Tape Five