Feid - Blog Posts

sainz (55) blurb based on your most listened songs on Spotify?

also, love your writing! muchas gracias for the efforts you take to fuel ours and your delusions! sending love and hugs! <3 💌🫂

it’s normal if you feel alone and you miss me | carlos sainz

song; normal - feid

a/n: thank you so much! i’m happy to hear my delusions are being well received and i’ll continue to deliver🤭 <3

part of the spotify wrapped special

In all honesty, you shouldn’t have used Carlos the way you did. But in your defense, you were a bit broken when you met him, and it clearly wasn’t his fault. Maybe Carlos was just in the right place at the right time, while you were in the wrong place.

You also knew it wasn’t fair to give only half of yourself while he gave his all in a relationship that was born out of your desire to forget your ex. You had told him you were over him when, deep down, you knew it wasn’t true. But Carlos was a gentleman, he was beautiful—the kind of man you’d always wanted. Only, you weren’t ready. And you weren’t a good girlfriend at all.

The lies, the late-night escapades, the jealousy, and the fights were the catalyst for the end of a relationship that had been doomed from the start.

You felt awful when you had to say goodbye to Carlos, while his heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

Little by little, after the breakup, you began to realize how much Carlos meant to you. How much you missed hearing his voice when you came home after a long day, or how you loved running your fingers through his soft hair while watching TV, or the simple fact of being able to talk to him every day, knowing he’d always be there to listen to you, and you to him.

You hadn’t realized that in the process of trying to forget your ex with Carlos, you had fallen in love with him—and lost him, too.

He missed you, that was clear. But forgiving you after how you treated him was hard. And could you really blame him? You weren’t the person you should’ve been, the girlfriend he deserved.

You needed to see him again, to apologize, to ask him to come back. It started with convincing your friends to go clubbing on the weekends—then the next weekend, and the one after that—all in the hope that, by chance, Carlos might walk into the same club. Your friends noticed your intentions but chose not to intervene, simply accompanying you to the nights out. When they grew tired of going out every weekend, you reached out to other friends to keep the cycle going.

One weekend in particular, while doing your makeup, you stumbled upon a photo of Carlos in Los Cabos with his friends and a group of girls you’d never seen before. The emptiness in your chest stole your breath for one, two, three seconds before you snapped back to reality. He was enjoying his life in Los Cabos while you were still here, putting on makeup for yet another night out—a routine that had become too familiar.

You ignored the sinking feeling and finished your makeup. This time, you weren’t going to the club hoping to see Carlos for the first time in weeks; this time, you were going in the hopes of forgetting him.

But your brain and heart had other plans. You felt lonely and missed him, and you accidentally called the guy you were dancing with "Carlos" as he offered you one tequila shot after another. You drank just to avoid feeling sad about missing him, though tears still slipped down your cheeks as you remembered the photo you’d seen hours earlier. The guy wiped them away gently as he continued dancing close to you.

The club was too hot, with no room to breathe, and you felt alone—you just had to get out of there. When you finally managed to separate yourself from the guy, you stepped outside for fresh air. And though you didn’t realize it at the moment, all those tequila shots had taken their toll, and you decided that calling your ex-boyfriend was a good idea.

After five rings, the call went to voicemail—until the familiar deep voice answered.

“Hello?”

“Carlos,” you slurred, a drunken smile on your face.

“Y/n? What’s going on?”

You took a few seconds to respond. What was going on? You missed him, thought about him all the time, wanted him back.

“I was thinking about you,” you simply said.

“Are you drunk?” he asked, his tone a bit more alert now.

“Why did you disappear all of a sudden?” You ignored his question. “What happened to us?” When Carlos didn’t answer, you spoke again. “I miss you. And I’m sorry.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” God, how you missed his voice. “You look happy in your photos. Why are you telling me this when you’re drunk? Why are you telling me this when I’m moving on?”

The tears didn’t take long to fall down your cheeks. Each word he said was like a little dagger to your heart, and you wanted to apologize in every language, to scream it at the top of your lungs, but all you could do was cry silently as he grew angrier with you.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you repeated, crying. “I love you, and I miss you, and I’m sorry.”

The silence on the other end made you check if Carlos had hung up, but he was still there.

“I hope you feel what I felt throughout our entire relationship, Y/n. And I hope you never make anyone else go through what I went through with you.”

Finally, the line went dead.