Freeing Myself - Blog Posts
**The fire within me**
I am afraid -
not of the darkness,
not of the storm
that breaks through the night.
But of it,
of strange hands coming,
quietly, uninvited,
and try
to extinguish the glow in my eyes -
this wild flickering,
that lets me breathe.
Let me burn,
even if it blinds you.
Let me blaze,
even if it frightens you.
Because I am not a spark,
that can be extinguished -
just a star,
that awakens in its own light.
**The light in my eyes**
I am afraid -
not of the fall,
not of the silence,
that sometimes comes.
But of it,
that timid hands
touch my inside
and whisper: *"Don't be so bright. "*
But this light -
it is not a spark,
that can be extinguished,
not a fire,
that consumes.
It is a gentle glow,
that carries me,
a moonbeam,
that cuts through darkness.
Let me shine,
just as I am.
No less,
no more.
From dear Derya to Derya's heart
I don't write to you anymore, I write to myself. because in this story I was the most tired, the most silent, the most understanding.
All this time I tried to understand you, out of a sense of sisterhood, out of loyalty to the family, out of a debt to the past, but now I realise: understanding doesn't mean I have to forgive.
You have expressed your reality many times. but I tried to swallow my own experiences and feelings.
Each time it stayed in my throat. Even in my dreams it sat in me like raw meat, the taste of which still lingers on my palate.
I don't want that taste anymore.
I no longer try to digest the relationships that hurt me.
I no longer silence myself.
I no longer feel guilty.
And most importantly: I'm on my own side now.
You won't have the last word. Because this is not a court of law. This is my life. And only I decide which door to leave open.
That's enough now.
This letter is not about you, it's about me.
I'm liberating myself.
I'm blessing my fragility.
And finally, I choose to hear my own inner voice.
With love,
Derya
