No More Guilt - Blog Posts

ranting about permashifting🩷🩷🩷

i genuinely feel so guilty for leaving this reality, no matter how much i manifest here or how much of my dream life im living- it isn’t the same as actually shifting.

im the eldest daughter and so with that responsibility i carry, shifting became an escape for me. I started on shiftok like everyone else. Found shifting while looking for smut on tumblr and never went back since. Now I know it’s real, I know I can do it like everyone else.

And that guilt eats at me. Once I permashift, I won’t ever come back here. Maybe i need to make a better cr and call it a day. All i know is, no matter how guilty, im permashifting.

From dear Derya to Derya's heart

I don't write to you anymore, I write to myself. because in this story I was the most tired, the most silent, the most understanding.

All this time I tried to understand you, out of a sense of sisterhood, out of loyalty to the family, out of a debt to the past, but now I realise: understanding doesn't mean I have to forgive.

You have expressed your reality many times. but I tried to swallow my own experiences and feelings.

Each time it stayed in my throat. Even in my dreams it sat in me like raw meat, the taste of which still lingers on my palate.

I don't want that taste anymore.

I no longer try to digest the relationships that hurt me.

I no longer silence myself.

I no longer feel guilty.

And most importantly: I'm on my own side now.

You won't have the last word. Because this is not a court of law. This is my life. And only I decide which door to leave open.

That's enough now.

This letter is not about you, it's about me.

I'm liberating myself.

I'm blessing my fragility.

And finally, I choose to hear my own inner voice.

With love,

Derya