Ftm - Blog Posts

MY VERY REAL AND VERY EPIC TRANSITION TIMELINE!!!!! (It actually hurt drawing me with boobs even though it's what I look like irl)

[I.D - a meme in which OP is in a transition timeline image, but it's drawn and both images are exactly the same; he looks like a blonde blue eyed girl in both images. The timeline is from 2021 to 2024, and it says My Transition Timeline!!! on the top followed by (FT.... uhh wait what). On the bottom panel of the image there's Peter Griffin, who has a speech bubble in which he says "Hello! This is Peter here to explain the joke. Basically, OP hasn't changed appearances at all between 2021 and 2024. He's a FTM guy who cannot express himself, and this post is basically a cry for help hidden under layers of irony." End I.D]

(Also if someone could tell me how to improve my image descriptions that'd be great cuz I'm not great at making them)

Just watched this video from Lily Alexandre (I love her vids sm) and this is nearing the top of the pile of excellent stuff she's made. Highly recommend.

Tw family stuff, dysphoria, sui ig

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Diary entry #6

My mood switched up so fast it's not even funny. Like 1 1/2 hours ago I was perfectly fine but now my grandma yelled at my sister and now I am doing awful. The funny part? I don't even 100% know what they were arguing about or even if they did argue for as long as I think they did, because I was listening to Dance Of Life by Maretu for as long as I could to avoid it.

She snapped at me too, even though it wasn't that bad it won't stop replaying in my head. She acts just like one of those bitchy high school girls, eye rolling and all and it fucking pisses me off. I should be grateful but I'm not because they (my grandpa and grandma) refuse to let me on T or- god forbid- even cut my hair. I can't even dress somewhat masculine because I look like a (d slur). Like 98% of the time they're okay to good, but those 2% moments make me wish I weren't alive.

I just want to be out of the house already. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I can't live like this. I just can't. I don't like how I look and my body repulses me because it's not right and I can't do a damn thing about it.

I need to calm down but I don't know how.

This is so me. I feel like I was a little boy, not a little girl when I was a kid. I was allowed to have any hobbies I wanted, masculine or feminine mostly bc of my dad. I loved Sonic and Mario, videogames in general, anime, etc. So that kind of helped me to view my childhood as more masculine, but obviously it doesn't mean that anyone with my type of childhood wasn't a boy as a kid, but I hope you know what I mean.

I just hope that one day this flesh shell will fit the young man that I am inside.

Ty for the end portion, it's nice to hear :)

to be honest, i don't see myself as someone transitioning into a man. it's more like, i've always been a man but now i am transitioning outside of the female life i was put upon. of course, it's no one's fault that i was raised as a woman. i was assigned female at birth because of my sex, but sex is completely different from gender. gender is something we learn, something that comes from within. i knew i was different as a child when i looked up to male cartoon characters, despised stereotypical female clothing, wanted to be bigger and muscular, envied the boys who would have good looks and get all the girls yet had a disgusting personality, etc. i've always been a boy, nothing will change that. and as the years go by, my manhood will be more prominent. you cannot hide, soon you will be discovered. it is impossible to go against your true self, i have detransitioned before and the manliness in me never went away. try all you want, but the little boy inside you is begging to be free. love yourself, do not be ashamed. it is okay to be happy. you are deserving of freedom 🫶 🏳️‍⚧️

What the fuck is wrong with people. Personally I believe this is how those transmed trans guys are made; by excluding them because they are men. Not excusing them, I'm just saying this is how they are formed.

Sometimes I worry about going down that path, but I have a firm belief in "do whatever you want forever." I am staunchly anti transmed; it just excludes people and is kinda dumb in ways I don't have time to get into.

I hope to pass as a man, I just want to be some guy basically. I plan on getting top and bottom surgery, and going on T probably for the rest of my life. But I refuse to become either a transmed or a person who excludes trans men who pass really well.

Sorry this was really a ramble, hope I made sense. OP i hope you're doing alright today.

tried to vent in a trans space about how, as a trans man who’s been on T for a long time (over 7 years now), i have noticed that the more i pass as a man, the less welcomed i am in queer spaces unless i go out of my way to feminize myself. and how that sucks! and it’s isolating!!! and it feels horrible to see ppl who used to like you and be close to you drift further and further the more masculine (& therefore more comfortable in urself) u become…

only to get ppl replying to me and saying “well if you dressed more fem then ppl wouldn’t be intimidated by you. you signed up for this”

i’m sorry but i didnt sign up for social isolation when i transitioned, i signed up for gender euphoria and comfort in myself and my life. and i had hoped that the ppl in my life would be able to see how much joy that brings me and continue to love me.

Diary entry #5

You ever so obsessed with a fandom or character that you look at people/things irl and think "hey that looks a lot like [character]!!)

That's the phase of hyperfixation I'm knee deep rn. Plants Vs Zombies hardly has any backstory! We don't know major details about most characters! It's literally a tower defense game that Popcap is actually destroying but I can't help it!! I lose myself in fictional stories, I can't stop thinking about them. If the pvz franchise drops a lore book I'm gonna eat that shit up!!

Also I wanted to read American Teenager, the new book about multiple trans teens in America. I read something similar and I liked it quite a lot even though it was outdated. It's not on Libby yet, and I'm not really supposed to read about trans issues anyways because my grandparents will ask way too many questions. (And I'll probably accidentally out myself.) I might sneak buy it with the christmas gifts I get on amazon this christmas. If any of you have a (legal) way to read it, that'd be great!! I want to support the author.

Diary entry #4

I had a terrible day at work. My vacuum was broken (I'm a houseman at a hotel) but nobody is allowing me to get a new one or switch out the cord or whatever. It's a cord style where you can switch it out and all I need is a new cord and it fucking frustrated me to no end. I'm just gonna buy myself a new cord because I'm not arguing for my ability to get my job done.

Also fun fact about the "houseman" role. It's basically cleaning hotels in the areas where people don't sleep, everywhere besides the rooms. But anyways I said to a random guy on the elevator that I was a houseman and he said I looked more like a housewoman to him (OOF) but something about different identities and stuff. It made me freeze up. If my work counselor wasn't right there I may have said something about, hey, you were right the first time! But my work counselor was there so he'd probably snitch to my (grand)parents, I didn't chance it.

I want to tell people that I'm a guy actually but I'm so afraid of being caught. Can't wait till I get tf out of here (my grandparents house)

Diary entry #3

Hoooooo boy I am shaking so bad. I generally have a level of "shake" that I usually have, always a little twitchy and I get terribly lightheaded, shaky, and have to sit so I don't fall whenever I stand up (usually if I do it quickly.) But like I'm shaking so hard that it's kinda hard to type. Why? My stomach hurts. Sometimes it's just like that when I get nauseous.

Speaking of things I should probably talk to a doctor about! I think I might have OCD. I get straight up awful thoughts and I sometimes have to do something to fix them. I have a back and forth in my head constantly and it's fucking exhausting!!! But I am afraid that I'll be not allowed to go on T if I get a diagnosis (I'm already autistic so that could be something they could deny me for maybe). (Also don't know if I explained properly, sorry)

Some dude on reddit told me I probably don't have OCD because I'm autistic, idk if he's right. I know you can have both but it's possible I'm mistaking my autistic thoughts for OCD thoughts.

Well that's it I guess

This literally happened to me on a reddit post, I was bitching about my life (as usual) and some guy pulled up with the "buddy" and "boy" and was trying to be nice but was kinda infantilizing me. I didn't say anything bc I didn't want to ruin his day but it did make me uncomfortable. I'm not a toddler I'm a grown man and it does make me feel a little off y'know

challenge: there is a trans man. he is pre-medical transition. you must not infantilize him. go.

Basically all of the characters from Pizza Tower are incredibly gender frfr

I am very stupid :)

Not like my grandparents would let me be a “tomboy” anyways lmao. They won’t let me even wear cargo pants. The problem is, I’m not a girl! So I can’t pretend to be one!

Dark room shower supremacy ‼️

Tw- transphobia

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Talking to a therapist lady and my grandma goes “”she”” wants to transgender. SHE WANTS TO TRANSGENDER. Fucking hilarious but not so funny when you realize she doesn’t support me at all. She thinks it’s some sort of trend or choice? Or something? I don’t really know. I mean I kinda get it sorta because I change my mind very quickly on things but transitioning isn’t, like, a super fast process… you don’t have to jump to T right away, it can start slow! Also I’ve known I was trans for about two years now. But this means I *might* be able to change her mind… idk though. All I want is to feel comfortable in my own skin but I suppose that’s too much to ask. Also the therapist lady asked if I was influenced by anything… bruh. I’ve known for two years at this point, if this was a hyperfixation it would’ve been gone by now. Sorry that I prefer to be called “he” I guess. Now I’m doubting myself, but maybe that was the point. I don’t know what else to add, so post over I guess.

[Start ID: (tw suicide, briefly mentioned! Also family issues/transphobia.) a comic with OP as the character (medium/long hair, male, with glasses and button up shirt). First panel is him looking content, with an arrow pointing to him saying “completely fine”. Second panel has him looking devastated, with text behind him that reads “I have no friends or family to rely on. The world is burning, horrible people rule the world, and the ones that aren’t completely horrible are at least complicit in my suffering. Every “happy”moment I spend with my family is ruined by the fact that they don’t support me, and don’t think I’m capable of doing anything. I can’t die, because I refuse to be buried as a girl, so I have to suffer in silence with no one to help. Even when I (hopefully) move out and transition, what if I’m just faking it and my family doesn’t take me back? Best case scenario is that I get a found family, and good friends/maybe a partner, but for several years I will have nobody and will be mocked endlessly by my blood “family.” I am truly alone on this barren earth.” The third panel is the same as the first, with him standing there content with an arrow pointing at him saying “completely fine”. /End ID]

Tw- suicide, briefly mentioned! Also family issues/transphobia

Middle text if it’s hard to read: I have no friends or family to rely on. The world is burning, horrible people rule the world, and the ones that aren’t completely horrible are at least complicit in my suffering. Every “happy”moment I spend with my family is ruined by the fact that they don’t support me, and don’t think I’m capable of doing anything. I can’t die, because I refuse to be buried as a girl, so I have to suffer in silence with no one to help. Even when I (hopefully) move out and transition, what if I’m just faking it and my family doesn’t take me back? Best case scenario is that I get a found family, and good friends/maybe a partner, but for several years I will have nobody and will be mocked endlessly by my blood “family.” I am truly alone on this barren earth.

A meme I made a while back lol

True. Happened to me (I made the post not the art)

[Start ID: A picture of a grey hamster on a blue couch. Top text says “I can’t fucking take it”, bottom text says “seriously I’m at my limit. /End ID]

Tw- transphobia

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Today fucking sucked

Misgendered constantly, had to deal with my annoying bible thumping counselor being queerphobic, and I had to admit I wasn’t straight at my appointment (they ask for your sexuality for some fucking reason, I lied at first but my grandma said “be honest” so I told them the truth after that.)

Could someone please use my name (August) in a sentence with my pronouns (he/him/it) I’m not feeling too great rn.

Vent post ahead! Family stuff, transphobia, homophobia and stuff.

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My family doesn’t believe I can do anything; they don’t think I can take care of them when they get old, they don’t think I can fill my own medicine, live on my own, take care of myself, or get a job. I know they think this, because they’ve said it before. They only say it when they’re mad at me, but I know they think it all the time.

Because they don’t believe in me, I don’t really believe in myself either. But I know this is what they want; they want me to believe that I can’t do anything. They don’t want to see me transition, move out, and thrive. Whenever they ask me what’s wrong, I can’t tell them what’s actually bothering me because they’re too uncomfortable with the answer (dysphoria, not that they believe in it anyways.)

I don’t like these people anymore; they made it clear they don’t like my authentic self. They couldn’t even handle when I thought I was a lesbian, so what the hell was I expecting, I guess. I’m not giving up, I’m too spiteful to give up now. I’m going to live my life as a man; if they don’t like it, that’s fine, I don’t really give a shit. The only one I remotely care about is my little sister. She’s not too far gone yet. But I feel like my family will turn her to their side, and I’ll truly have no one.

Even if I have no one, I’m not giving up. I know that’s what they want, so I refuse to give up. One day, I’ll be masculine looking enough to where my family will have no choice but to call me by my actual name and pronouns, assuming that they don’t cease communication with me at that point. That’ll be a good day, assuming it happens. It’ll be incredibly painful to lose everyone, but it’ll be worth it. I’ll get new family and friends, and hopefully it will work out.

No matter what my family says, I am strong enough to do this. I have no choice but to be strong. I just have to struggle through another year or two, and I’ll be free. I’m nearly 18, will be in August, so technically I am an adult soon. Let’s hope that I can learn some more life skills and move out of this place.

(Also I may sound confident in this post, but irl I am scared. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I guess all I can do is try my best.)

Welp. Reddit is dead, and I’m not sure if anyone is willing to reanimate its corpse. Reddit was the only place I could be myself, vent about my issues, stuff like that. Tumblr doesn’t fill the same void in my heart, but it’s decent enough. Hope I can make friends here. I’ll miss my moots over there. RIP aspiememes, traa, and many others. I feel like this collapse will have terrible consequences.

TLDR- i am so sad

i just want to say that i love transgender men, feminine, masculine, those who pass and those who don't, on T, pre med, post surgeries and so on and i want to kiss y'all's pretty faces

lazy background version under cut :PPP

im hungry for death note content

some fucked up yaoi may drop soon

Sketchbook dump (just some random shit)

personalnie nie mam nic do żadnej Aldony, ona jest po prostu uosobieniem cech których nie lubię w moich rodzicach i ich znajomych

since the old version of this post was flagged for 'adult content'...

reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!

along with that, reblog if your account is a trans non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the trans enby spectrum!

The hands that choke you are your own

I have so much acne and i feel like im losing the upper parts of my vocal range and i hate needles so much but my lovely fiancee holds my hands and kisses my shoulders and i feel so much happier and braver and im so excited every week

what they don’t tell you about HRT is that you might really like even the most unpleasant and scary of effects

i smile every time my voice cracks. it really does spark joy. why does that happen? i was terrified of my voice changing, and it hurts, and it’s embarrassing, so why does it make me so happy??????

i think it’s that even the “”bad”” (completely subjective btw) effects remind me of what i’m doing. i’m finally on HRT and it’s wonderful and i love it, so why would i not find joy in my voice cracking or gaining a bit of weight or my hair getting a little thinner?

change is beautiful and gut-wrenching and terrifying and wonderful, and this is the most alive i’ve ever felt. it’s scary but it’s good scary, like watching a horror movie and cuddling your friends. it’s rollercoaster scary, or haunted house scary. it’s the kind of fear you choose to feel, and would choose again in a heartbeat. it’s not the fear i’m used to, the slow horror of life passing by before your eyes, the kind of fear that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin.

HRT is good scary. i hope the takeaway from this is ‘do it scared’

Its hard being a guy having his period

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE PERIOD CRAMPS, GOD, I SWEAR I WILL PERSONALLY TEAR OUT MY UTERUS, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE, AND I CAN'T WEAR A BINDER BECAUSE MY CHEST HURTS. AAAAAAAAAAH

I bought my first binder, I'm so happy😭😭😭

HEY YOU!

Yeah, you! Are you trans? Do you like reading books? Or watching movies?

Do you like media about trans men/transmasculine characters but don't know where to find it?

That's sooo crazy because I have this little spreadsheet I'm working on where I'm trying to document all media with protagonists/major characters who are FTM or transmasculine.

The spreadsheet currently has 300+ entries spread across the following categories:

Books

Manga

Memoirs and non-fiction

Movies

TV Shows

Graphic novels / Comics

Webcomics

Audio dramas

Books and movies are also sorted by:

Which character is trans (MC, love interest, antagonist, etc)

If the trans character is POC

The trans character's sexuality (Because I saw lots of transhet guys sad about only being able to find gay romances)

If the author/actor is also trans (if we know for sure)

It's free to use, and free to add to as well! Editing permissions are on, and I check on the spreadsheet every now and then to make sure everything is in order and to clean up.

If you know something that isn't on the list, please add it! You don't have to fill in every single column, but fill it to the best of your abilities.

If you don't want to use the big ass long link below, you can also use: bit.ly/FTM-protags

Google Docs

Directory of media with major FTM and/or Transmasculine characters

About short link: <a href="https://bit.ly/FTM-protags">https://bit.ly/FTM-protags</a>,Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/_nekhcore">@_n

I made this because I want it to be a community resource. So even if you're not a trans guy or transmasculine person, please reblog!

Hey everyone, this is an important one! Please considering donating and/or reblogging to help a really awesome person who is in need of the support, especially during pride month.

HELLO FRIENDS

Recently I started a gofundme campaign to raise money for top surgery! My parents aren't very supportive of me doing anything to transition, so I figured the best way to make sure I can actually have this procedure done is to raise money myself. Currently I'm working a minumum wage job to save before I return to college in the fall, but at the rate that it's going, I'll be FAR from my goal by September.

If you could spread this around at all or spare even $1, that would be SO appreciated. Thank you for reading!

gofundme.com

Nico's Top Surgery Fund, organized by Nico Warner

Hello, my name is Nico. I'm an Indian-american trans guy from Maryland with a passion for art and… Nico Warner needs your support for Nico'