Grief - Blog Posts
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean, Tears from the depth of some divine despair Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes, In looking on the happy autumn-fields, And thinking of the days that are no more.
"Alfred tennyson"
The parallels in Adrianne Lenker’s album Songs never fails to destroy me. For example,
“I don’t want to be the owner of your fantasy, so just want to be a part of your family” (anything)
“And your dearest fantasy, is to grow a baby in me. I could be a good mother, and I want to be your wife” (not a lot, just forever)
The first song, anything, is gentle, it’s intimate. It shows the quiet parts of Adrianne’s relationship, her longing to stay and belong with her lover. Throughout the whole song she speaks of the intimacy of relationships and how this is what she was craving. She wasn’t this version of herself that her lover fantasizes about, and she never really will be. She just wants to be a part of her family, to be her wife.
The second song, seems to take place during or after the breakup. Adrianne has gone past the soft, quiet grieving that we see in the other song. Instead, she is taken over by desperation. She misses Indigo and what they had. She is willing to do anything to get it back. She mentions again this fantasy of Indigo’s that we see in anything. Adrianne doesn’t necessarily want a family or to be a mother, but Indigo does and perhaps this is the only way to get her back. We see her offer up a bargain. Let us go back to what we had, and i’ll be this version you wanted. I could be a good mother. She doesn’t want to be, but she will because she wants to be Indigo’s wife.
There is something just so inately sad about the use of the word could in this instance, the depths of her grief and desperation.
Death taught me the art of allowing.
A broken heart expands our capacity for life. It amplifies our empathy, deepens the souls connection to love and magnifies our desire to reach for more.
Awaken 🪐
“When death finds you, may it find you alive.”
— Michael Meade
I will love you in a place where space and time doesn’t exist 🥰
how lucky am I to have loved something enough to experience grief
Within the paradox of impermanence lies the revelation of what is authentically rooted in love in our lives.
Very few things hurt like a longing for something that doesn’t exist
I made this piece a few months back and it took me enough mental strength to finally post what I have. The older version seemed somber and still, so I intensified the melancholy look, on how grief and heartache can continue to hold on after the moment(s) has passed.
But instead of trying to "Not think about it" or forget, sometimes it's best to get in tune with how you're feeling, imagining this feeling like a temporary visitor. Sit with it, hold its hand, tell it, "I see you, I hear you," and when you're ready, let them leave, until the next time if or when they come back.
Here's to peace, here's to healing, and here's to feeling your feelings this holiday season ✨
I paused for a bit and did that one drawing challenge going around where you draw what you're wearing at that exact moment.
Opposing thoughts.
I sit with my grief. I mother it. I hold its small, hot hand. I don’t say, shhh. I don’t say, it's okay. I wait until it is done having feelings. Then we stand and we go wash the dishes.
-- Callista Buchen, from Taking Care
Reflections on the Unyear and Wep Ronpet 2022
Reflections on the Unyear and Wep Ronpet 2022
It’s definitely been an Unyear. An image of clay pots. Source: unknown. This Unyear has been a little weird, but I guess a lot of them have for me. On July 20, I found out that I had been exposed to COVID so I got tested. Well, the COVID part of the test wasn’t actually run so I had to get retested, and eventually the results came back negative. I was also negative for RSV and both flu A and B,…
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Someone I knew- an acquaintance, died today. I was indifferent to his existence, we all are to most people we casually encounter but it's hard to be entirely indifferent to their death too. You feel for the the possibility of life they could've had, you feel for the sorrow of those who knew them, you feel anxieties and hopelessness of those who were left behind with a hole in their daily lives because of that death. You feel the utter despair even if just for a second. I am not surprised that I did too, even if just for a few minutes as the realness of the moment hit me at once and overwhelmed my mind. I cried, a little but I did and I had no control over it. It's the origin of that burst of grief from within- the heartbreak for the family of that cold dead body being mourned now, the heartbreak of the good and bad that person was being everyday of their life but will be no more, the heartbreak for the cries and heartache that isn't even mine.
Here's to the relief of death still being merely an acquaintance to me.
10 Tips For Coping With Emotional Overwhelm as a Highly Sensitive Person
April 2, 2019
For the past five months (after the sudden loss of my partner), I have experienced an intense state of grief. Due to a variety of factors, I have actually been experiencing what is considered to be complicated grief as an already highly sensitive person (HSP).
This profound grief has been the most difficult and painful challenge of my life. Since my sensitivity is at an all time high, this experience has felt beyond the usual state of overwhelm I have been accustomed to.
At first, the grief and emotional overwhelm was debilitating. I was barely getting out of bed and basically losing my will to live even though I was not planning to die. I would go days without sleeping and was in shock. This may be a normal reaction to grief. However, experiencing this as an HSP can feel like the worst form of torture, especially being a highly romantic /sensitive soul. I knew I was desperate to seek peace and willing to do what it took to get out of my emotional rut. I knew that i couldn't keep living like that and I needed to heal and find coping strategies to gradually start living my life again.
Over the years, I have learned about a variety of healing methods and coping strategies. I have noticed incredible results from implimenting new coping tools, but my lack of consistency has often blocked my capacity to thrive.
The healing process has been gradual and I am still in the process of navigating my grief. However, I have found that implementing certain coping tools consistently has been an important factor in managing my emotions.
The following tips include some of the coping strategies I have used to aid in my healing process and manage my emotions more effectively...
1. Calming Activities
I know it is common knowledge to engage in calming activities when feeling overwhelmed, but I have noticed the difference when not practiced regularly. During my recovery, I have found it beneficial to regularly do activities such as deep breathing exercises, prayer, meditation, receiving massage work (can help release energy blocks and can promote relaxation).
2. Mindfulness/ Awareness
Because a vast amount of stimuli (both external and internal) can overstimulate an HSPs highly sensitive nervous system, HSPs can easily feel stuck in the mind/feelings and not present in the body and moment. I have noticed that consistent mindfulness practices and body awareness exercises have been a crucial aspect of my own personal healing and growth.
3. Reminders
Because practicing new behaviors may require a degree of focus and practice, it can be difficult for some people to follow through and form a new habit. I find it helpful to have reminders such as Sticky notes or an accountability partner to practice new habits. Being aware and reminded about healthier thinking patterns can also be helpful.
4. Self Care/Acceptance
I find that self care practices and acceptance of myself and the reality of a situation can be a key factor regarding emotional stability and life itself. Whether it's taking care of basic health or buying yourself a small gift, it can really make a difference! I am learning self acceptance and relinquishing self shame can take some work and time, but I lean toward the belief that it is worth it!
5. Support System
I don't know where I would be without a solid support system. Having a support network, whether it be a support group or getting professional help, it can help with healing, self isolation and help realize you are not alone. Many support groups or therapists may also suggest helpful coping strategies to help regulate ones emotions more effevtively.
6. Removing/Reducing Triggers
For the longest time, I subjected myself to various people, places, and things that triggered emotional overwhelm. Removing emotional or otherwise overwhelming triggers doesn't always mean completely avoiding all your triggers. It can sometimes be more about knowing ones triggers/feelings, self awareness, and responding in healthier or more tolerable ways (i.e. Limiting how much time you spend around a triggering person, place, or thing). Sometimes avoiding some situations all together is best though.
7. Boundaries
Reducing triggers and setting boundaries go hand in hand. I have learned that setting and enforcing boundaries for yourself is actually a very important and a way to love yourself! I think having internal as well as external boundaries is important to note. I plan on discussing more about boundaries in a future post.
8. Processing Feelings
I know processing emotions is not always fun and can be exhausting, but I have learned that feeling and expressing my emotions is an important element in healing emotions. While I don't believe one should torture themselves into an emotional rut, I have learned that sometimes, in order to release what is going on within a person's mind and body, it can be a relieving to release whatever built up emotions and tension one might be experiencing. Their are a variety of ways to express or relieve emotions. For some people that may include physical activities such as exercise. For others this may include expressing oneself through artistic endeavors such as painting, drawing, writing, or singing etc... Sometimes it can be a relief to talk it out with someone you trust or to have a good cry. I'm not suggesting getting stuck in feelings. It is more about acknowledging, feeling, validating, and releasing the feelings without getting attached to the the thoughts and feelings.
9. Retreating Alone
Because many HSPs can easily get overwhelmed by the massive amount stimuli in the world and in the mind, many HSPs tend to retreat alone to relax, energize, and sometimes even function in the world. While I believe HSPs need more alone time than most of the population, I have learned the importance of not isolating myself as well. Self isolation can lead to lonliness, more feelings of not belonging, and more emotional overwhelm.
10. Change Your Focus
Certain coping strategies such as meditating, changing perspectives, and replacing negative thinking with positive thinking can be beneficial for HSPs. I don't believe it changes the way you think over night but with a certain amount of practice and belief can make it easier. I also find it helpful to focus on some thing that can create joy or laughter. Seeking out inspiration has been helpful for me because I find that not only does it help me feel inspired but it has helped improve my mood, focus, and motivation.
This post is only a brief description about my struggle with emotional overwhelm and 10 tips that have helped me go from debilitating emotions to my current status. Although it hasn't been easy, I can honestly say that I am currently working full time, back in school taking more advanced classes, and persistently working on my revovery. The key has been faith, willingness, and consistency in my growth.
Hopefully these tips will be helpful in some way to others as well! Feel free to let me know in the comments what has helped you with emotional overwhelm or about your experiences. As always, thank you for taking the time to read my post!
With Love,
Dahlia
Picture Source: via Pinterest.com
Welcome To My First Blog
Hi I'm Dahlia and welcome to my first blog ever! This blog is about the HSP (Highly sensitive person). For as long as I can remember, I have been a highly sensitive person. I have always been highly sensitive to people, energies, emotions, and various other stimuli. For many years, I struggled with my sensitive nature and after experiencing many difficult life circumstances , I have been on the path to self discovery and healing. During a healing session I had many years ago, a practitioner mentioned that I was a highly sensitive person and suggested a number of resources to help me along the way. After the healing session, I became curious about the HSP topic and began my journey from surviving to thriving as a highly sensitive person. I have grown and learned alot over the years, but after the recent sudden loss of my partner ( he was my best friend and love of my life), my sensitivity has been effected in ways I can't even explain (perhaps in another post). The experience of his loss has been excrutiatingly painful and when he died, I felt like I died too. This experience has propelled me to a whole new level of healing. After a mentor recently suggested I start a blog, I chose to write about the highly sensitive person. At first, I was reluctant to create a blog. I tend to be shy and introverted and had never posted on social media before. Because I felt driven and inspired, I decided to no longer let my ego run the show and decided to create this blog with a sense of purpose. Although I don't have it all mapped out yet, this blog is intended to serve many purposes. Some purposes of this blog include:
To provide information, tools, and resources about the HSP
To be of service or support other HSP's in some way
To connect with other HSPs and like minded people
To learn more about the HSP
To evolve as a writer and learn how to blog
This post is a brief introductory to this blog. In the next post, I will describe what an HSP actually is in more detail. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Feel free to comment or request any topics for this blog and again, welcome to the blog!
With love,
Dahlia
pleaki.
Why birth something bound to explode? No matter how brightly, how lightly it glowed Why love something for it to leave? Even after stardust spreads, there’s much to grieve Long after stars are dead, I’ll become what they’ve billowed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memories of another life, a life before loss, a life turned to memory long before death
-Memory
What is it with the October air,
reminds me of all the things bright and fair,
days are strange, sun, rain and mist,
I'm back to those houses not made of cement and bricks,
picking lemons, making wells of mud and houses of wet sand,
where the morning air was warm, burning feet, dunes and desert land,
making toys of clay, dolls of rugs, money of leaves, boats of paper,
tumbling down the sand dunes, running in the storms of sand filled air,
Limestone walls, a room just for water, an old well, pots of clay,
where birds and i shared drinks of cold water on a warm sunny day,
I do not have clothes stung with tiny starry thorns anymore,
the days full of wonder, hair full of sand, swings on tree branches are gone,
years are lost and I have wandered far from nest, memory turning to stone,
i do not sleep under the stars anymore, perhaps I've lost the idea of home.
- Prity
11-11-24
I know some days hurt more than others but today is especially painful
I hope tomorrow will feel better
…And if I can’t escape you then I’ll stop running
And if you want to catch me then I’ll be here waiting…
And if I don’t miss you anymore, it’s not because I forgot you, it’s because missing you has become a part of me, like how I don’t think about breathing because I breathe all the time
Unresolved
Scraping past a tooth, a fingernail grows thin;
The last evidence of a life lost in time
Is this dead keratin.
Swirls from the mind, consuming everything,
Cement uncertainty in the soundest mind,
Loosening grip within.
Each day starts anew, by popular belief;
Yet all is the same except the white numbers,
Not turning a new leaf.
Moving, yet static motions of tumbling grief
Are borne by bodies smoldering to cinders,
Never able to leave.
https://twwrt.wordpress.com/2022/11/21/unresolved/
nothing describes feeling the grief of a loved one for the first time in years even though you haven’t grieved rhat much before because you’re grieving for your childhood and moments you could have possibly spent with them if not distracted by stupid things and not wanting to go visit but regretting it when you finally fucking mature years after they died although your siblings were all grown when they died like cupid!
i think my father only farms because it reminds him of his father.
apparently he worked the most on the farm. he’s the one who inherited it. see, his father died when he was 11. he’s the youngest. if he’s much like me, he probably feels as if he didn’t get as much time with his father as his siblings did before he died.
grief is hard for everyone, but his family was the type to shut up and work when any hardship happened. distract themselves. i think that’s why he does it.
he doesn’t want to sell our cows completely, no matter how much he cares for the enviroment. i know it’s not for money. we have enough, the cows barely garner any needed difference.
it’s just his way of dealing with grief, i think my [paternal] grandfather did the same when his father died at 11. coincidencentally, my great-grandfather’s (same person who died when my grandfather was 11) parents left him in ireland when he was 6.
they all had hard lives.
I went by the lake today. This used to be one of the places I'd go to with my grandpa. He's been gone for a month. It was strange to go there without him. I went with my dad, we both sat there and cried.
It was good that I went, though. He might be gone, but as long as the lake is there, I'll always have a place to come back to and be with him.
Understanding the stages of grief is a start. But whenever I talk about the stages of grief, I have to remind people that the stages aren’t linear and may not happen in this order. It’s not a map but it provides some scaffolding for this unknown world.
Grief counseling is something I have found hugely beneficial for dealing with the inconsistencies and unpredictability of living with multiple chronic illnesses. It was suggested to me by my therapist, who realized that my rapid cycling emotions weren’t just due to the ADHD, but because I was also constantly in a state of perpetual grieving; grieving for my past self who suffered and endured, for my current self still going through it, and for my future self, and a future that will forever be steeped in uncertainty.
I will always be in a state of grieving, because the stages of grief are not linear, and even after you reach the stage of acceptance, you will always carry some shard of the experience with you. In my case it’s less a shard, and more my entire existence. I live in a perpetual state of open-ended uncertainty.
And now, so does everyone else.
You are grieving, both for the things going on right now, and the things we anticipate that will happen as a result. You are grieving, and that’s okay, you need to experience these emotions and process them. You are not being irrational, you are not being weak. You are being human.
Be kind to yourselves. This will pass. It will pass like the kidney stone of an angry god pissing vengeance into the wind. But it will pass.