Heartache - Blog Posts
Ok Look, I know that in about a year I’m probably gonna change states and such. But the thing is now I miss friends I haven’t even made. Every time I make a memory I know I probably won’t spend all my 4 years with them but I still wanna be friends and make memories with them and have fun. Sure it’s heart breaking but I’d rather break my heart a thousand times then not make friends at all.
There's so many things I'd like to tell you. Maybe how I thought that this could finally be my 'good day'. Or how when you said that you missed me, my heart skipped a beat, because no one ever misses me. You're the first person who listened. Who understood. I loved you so much. I finally thought I could trust you. But now I'm sitting here bleeding from my chest. You left the door open when you took my heart. You never came back. I thought I could trust you, but I'm not sure anymore.
- Dreaming of Wolves//Poems
I don't have a cool or interesting post today. Highschool sucks. I have no one. I'm so incredibly lonely it's not even funny. I got my heart broken for the 2nd time by the same person. It feels like the one millionth time. My heart aches. My eyes want to cry, but nothing will come out. The thing is, it's not his fault either. Maybe I just deserve it. Everything. I'm sorry self. I told you I would be better. But the crying won't stop. I'm sorry. When will this go away? When can I feel like me again? I don't even know who I am anymore. This isn't for attention. This is for myself. I tried comforting me, but instead, I'm falling apart.
This is my theme for today;
Me conoció siendo un día cálido, con un jardín floreciente, y el sol bañando mi rostro... y le gustó lo que veía; pero se asustó en mis días nublados, cuando la tempestuosa lluvia corría por mis mejillas y el aire frío lograba congelar mis huesos...
any trace of you is burned into the back of my mind with the pen i used to write our love story
A.R. {all six hundred and thirty pages}
The things we say to hurt each other in order to protect ourselves sear themselves into the memory bank of us. They Taint each laugh, smile and touch. The things we say to hurt each other in order to protect against heartbreak break me down. I say them and wish you would be deaf in that second before. I say them only to barricade myself in, I say them to keep the enemy called hurt out. My heart is small and fragile, it takes me a millennium just to get over the little needless pains. I hurt so deeply my entire being flickers in and out of reality. A mirage of a person neither here nor there. I hate those things I said to you, but I was only protecting myself from certain death. I was only doing what came naturally. I see now that those paths I can no longer take, I am forging new roads in the dark places and spreading light there.
The words we say to each other in order to protect ourselves no longer exist. I close my mouth and listen, I analyse and am helpful. How can we move forward. The words we say to each other in order to nurture each other strengthen my heart. It burns with fire. I am.
8 Years in the Desert
-kalika
-kalika
star-crossed lovers series, pt.1
-kalika
star-crossed lovers series, pt.2
-kalika
star-crossed lovers series, pt.3
-kalika
star-crossed lovers series, pt.4
-kalika
Dirty Bath Water
Laying in the bathtub trying to forget what I can't change. The sins of yesterday still taint what's supposed to be cleansing me.
Soaking, I wonder if tomorrow will be better, if tomorrow will be different.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be cleaner.
The bubbles are made of your choices, & your desires are the soap that slides along my scarred & tired body.
Tonight. I lay in the swirling bath of the life you've poured for us.
I try to wash away your sins, scrubbing harder so that somehow I may leave room for the potential I know you have.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be cleaner.
I dream of days where the bubbles may pop & fill the air with wonder, & the soap may be sensual instead of some kind of cleansing ritual.
Scrubbing scrubbing, scrub a little harder, scrub a little longer:
Maybe if you can't change, I'll become someone new.
Tonight, I wash you off of me, watching as our lives swirl down the drain. The stain of your lies rings the rim of my tub like maybe they're stuck here instead of to me this time. If I make this water deeper, will I still feel so blue?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be cleaner; maybe I'll be someone new.
-kalika
Happy Valentine's day, sweeties!!! (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡
Hope yall got a wonderful day!!
Stitched holes in my black boots with fishing line Laced in memories of the hotel room we danced in The night you told me this city wasn't yours anymore Yet I would forever be your favourite home Tattered clothing held together by rows of safety pins Keeping the places you touched in tact a little longer So afraid of the day there's one wash too many And the scent of your shampoo leaves for good Duct tape over every seam of my messenger bag Desperate to hold together our long and messy history Carrying the last stray hairs of yours that held on Rested by crumpled receipts from times we'd share Laminated covers over every message you send me Collectors items, reluctantly aware I now have them all Nothing left but to sort them into colour-coded folders You always kept your desk space so well organized Maybe if I add enough paperclips this love wont fly away Just one more day, week, month, year - eternity One last second spent in the moments between us Before you end up in another beginning, someone else's arms Stationary drawers and laundry hampers can't solve this Our chapter was far too short to end where it did We still have strings I need to haphazardly mend And staples for you to punch through my heart With this final paper plane, addressed from me to you Promise I understand not everything gets to last You've grown too much to remain nostalgic any longer Though, I wonder if the sky can ever contain what you're after If we got another chance to do it all over, start from fresh Tell me, how different could our picture book possibly be? Time after time, I swear to you I would be content As long as on each page, remained versions of you and me I would've stuck to you like glue, unwavering, you know? Taping stories together, convincing myself of grand delusion While I wanted to wait for you, it burned when you didn't stay The truth is, we both deserve better than "someday" ... "You and me, someday."
Date Written: 23rd of November, 2023
Hands free from Me 🖤💔 ...
Lips to leave imprints
she'll walk through your heart before you've got time to grasp, in that very moment owning your ass
letting you lead she watches your march, reading your steps like her new formed art
running your fastest only to tire no point to hide she'll still see you there even in ur darkest ,I'll give by now she knows me well a fantastic artist
never to be set free until she bore she wore you proudly like the heart on her sleeve, still the universe has plans she's got to leave
no longer gay an would rather a sire , now like the clouds her heads way higher
All of sudden just you on that path ,dare to look back fuck now come the rath
rolling you out tired an sore druged up on her love now sure to withdraw
you hurt from that fall just your own echo on call an those words left sure to play on repeat ,fell so hard that forest of love its so deep
Now to be no more then spiritual love it's still there just flouts silently until it hits vibrations an message bank above
For now thanks I'll send you message each week, it won't be simple no youll have to seek
Later sending a sweet whisper in the breeze, sometimes still kind small things that will put you at eeze
this big beautiful thing called heart its no longer yours now hers to keep, it shall help our link see she'll still visit by dream that's where I've learnt best place to seek
❤ This way, as we bed an wake there next mine her head will still lay
🌷that flowers still blooming 🌸
Hi! Could I request this for Daemon? I've been really interested in the whole haunting for Damon
in the latest season and just wanted charmed and thought Daemon might come across the spirit of his late ex-lover at Harrenhal. She was Otto's eldest daughter who passed away before they could wed. There's a chance that Otto mistakenly poisoned her instead of Daemon, in an attempt to stop their marriage. She confides in Daemon about the specifics of her death, and he finds closure by being able to embrace her, kiss her, and be intimate with her. Alys Rivers was someone she adored and cared for, perhaps as a motherly figure. Alys might continue to trigger visions of his former lover in Daemon, but not with harmful intentions; it could be rooted in her affection for her maternal figure. This could serve as the first part of a two-part series, and the suspenseful conclusion could be Alys' revelation that she intends to bring her back to life, potentially leading to Damon's unexpected shift in allegiance in the series 😏💚❤️🔥
{~Shadows of Harrenhal~}
A/N: First of all I just want to say thank you for requesting this!!! I am sooo sorry that it took me to song for me to write this for you! I really hope you enjoy this and I'm really sorry if it's not entirely what you wanted but I tried! 😭
Summary: Daemon Targaryen encounters the spirit of his lost love, Otto Hightower’s eldest daughter, who died before they could wed. Alys Rivers offers Daemon a way to bring her back, binding their souls but at a high cost. As he’s consumed by their supernatural connection, Daemon faces a painful choice: keep her and lose himself, or release her and find peace.
Characters: Daemon & Alys
Pairing: Daemon Targaryen x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Some Angst
Word Count: 1983
Tag List: @snowtargaryen @hippiedippiekitty
Part 1 ---
Daemon Targaryen never considered himself a man bound by ghosts. He took what he wanted, feared little, and answered to no one. But there was one shadow that followed him, one face that haunted his dreams in the depths of the night—a woman he loved fiercely, his intended bride, taken from him before they could wed. She was Otto Hightower’s eldest daughter, his love, his match, and a memory that clawed at his heart like iron scraping bone.
And now, they say, she wanders Harrenhal.
The torches cast jagged shadows across the cracked walls as Daemon strode through the desolate corridors of the ancient castle. Alys Rivers, dark-eyed and silent, led the way, her steps so light she seemed to glide. Daemon had come here on a whim, drawn by rumors of Alys’s talents. They spoke of her sight, her ability to reach beyond the veil, of a power that could evoke spirits, and conjure memories from the other side. Daemon had scoffed at such tales, but here he was, heart pounding with a hope he would not admit, even to himself.
They reached an old, nearly forgotten hall where the light seemed thinner, barely touching the cold stone. Alys turned to face him, her expression unreadable. “She is near,” she murmured.
Daemon’s throat tightened. “Bring her to me, then.”
Alys did not respond immediately; instead, she stepped back, her dark eyes meeting him with an expression that seemed both compassionate and haunting. With a few whispered words that faded into the stillness, she raised her hands, her fingers moving through the air as though drawing open a curtain unseen.
And then, Daemon felt it—a stirring, a ripple in the atmosphere. The air grew colder, tingling with a sensation he couldn’t quite place as if something forgotten was being called to life once more.
Then he saw her.
She stood in the shadows, her form translucent yet unmistakable. She looked exactly as he remembered—elegant and poised, with a softness that made his heart twist with longing. Her eyes, deep and expressive, locked onto his, and he took a step closer, not daring to blink, terrified she might vanish like all the memories he’d clung to for so long.
“Daemon,” she said softly, her voice carrying a warmth that cut through the chill around them.
His breath left him in a shudder. “Gods… I thought I’d lost you forever.” His voice was a hoarse whisper, filled with a rawness he’d never shown to another soul.
She smiled, though it was a sad, broken thing. “You did lose me, Daemon. And not by fate or sickness, but by the hand of my blood.” Her voice trembled, anger mingling with sorrow. “I did not die by chance. My father took me from you.”
Daemon’s expression hardened. He had suspected Otto’s hand in her untimely death, but hearing it from her lips was a dagger to his heart. “Tell me what happened,” he demanded, his voice rough, desperate.
She paused, looking down at her hands, then back at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “He planned to poison you, Daemon. To ensure I would never stand beside you as your wife, to keep our marriage from bringing you closer to the throne. But he miscalculated…” Her voice broke, and she looked away, pain flickering across her face. “The cup he brought me that night was meant for you. I drank it, thinking it a gesture of his blessing, of forgiveness. And as I lay there, gasping, as I felt the life draining from my body… he looked at me with horror.”
Daemon’s hands clenched into fists, his knuckles turning white as rage surged within him. “He killed you to stop me. That insufferable snake took you from me.”
She nodded, her form flickering faintly in the cold light. “In his eyes, I was a casualty… a necessary one to prevent what he feared most.” Her voice softened, eyes searching his face. “I only wish I could have said goodbye.”
They were silent for a moment, the weight of her words heavy in the air. Daemon’s gaze softened as he took a step closer to her, his hand reaching out, though he stopped just short of touching her. “I would have burned the realm to keep you safe,” he whispered, his voice raw with emotion. “I would have done anything.”
She stepped closer, her presence faint but solid enough that he could feel a sliver of warmth, a remnant of the life they had once hoped to share. “And I would have walked through fire for you,” she replied, a fierce glimmer in her eyes. “I would have given up anything to be by your side, Daemon.”
He reached out again, his fingers trembling, unsure if he would feel her touch or if his hand would pass through. To his surprise, he felt her—a chill against his skin, yet grounding, familiar. Her hands found his, delicate and weightless.
They stood in silence, foreheads touching, a thousand unspoken words exchanged in that moment. The years melted away, and for a fleeting heartbeat, it felt as if they were the same two souls they had once been—wild, passionate, and bound by a love that defied the very gods.
Daemon’s hand moved up, cupping her cheek, his thumb brushing lightly over her skin as if memorizing her once more. “I swore you’d be mine,” he whispered, voice trembling with both rage and longing. “And now… I don’t know how to let you go again.”
She placed a ghostly hand over his heart, her touch soft but resonant. “You don’t have to,” she whispered, leaning in until her lips met his.
The kiss was electric, a union of fire and ice. His heart thundered as he held her, feeling her presence consume him, grounding him as if she were still alive, warm, and vibrant. Time slowed
each kiss, each caress an echo of the life they’d never had the chance to share. His arms tightened around her as if holding her would anchor her to him, to the world of the living.
When their kiss finally broke, she looked at him, full of sorrow and love. “Daemon,” she whispered, “you must let me rest. But promise me… promise me you will never let him win. Do not let my death be in vain.”
He nodded, his jaw set with grim determination. “I’ll avenge you and make him pay for what he took from us.”
Daemon’s hand slipped from hers as her form began to wane, her eyes glistening with the silent plea she had left him with: Do not let my death be in vain. He watched helplessly as her spirit faded, leaving behind an unbearable emptiness that seemed to deepen the shadows of Harrenhal.
Before the silence could swallow him whole, Alys Rivers stepped closer, her gaze steady and enigmatic. She observed him with the measured patience of one who’d seen such grief many times before, her expression a strange blend of compassion and steel. She placed a hand on his arm, drawing his attention to her, breaking the spell of despair that had settled over him.
“You truly loved her,” Alys said softly, a question and a statement all at once.
Daemon’s eyes blazed as he turned to her. “She was everything.” His voice was a hoarse whisper, stripped bare of his usual pride. “But that is why I will never forgive that serpent, her father. I would see the world burn to have her back.”
Alys gave a slow, deliberate nod, seeming to weigh his words. She stepped around him, the hem of her dark gown whispering over the cold stone. “I can bring her back,” she murmured, each word a tantalizing promise that hung in the air. Her gaze held his, unflinching. “But such magic is costly, Daemon Targaryen. Some forces bind the dead to the afterlife, threads that, once severed, cannot be mended without consequence.”
Daemon’s fists clenched as he took in her words, a muscle in his jaw ticking. “Name the price.”
She studied him for a long moment, and Daemon could feel her searching, reaching into the parts of him that he kept hidden. “You would risk your very soul, your bloodline… even your crown, to bring her back. Once life is restored, it can’t be undone again. She will come back to the world of the living, but such magic leaves scars.” Her voice softened. “And the price would not only be yours to bear. Those who defy death are never left unmarked.”
Daemon let her words sink in, the fire in him dimming with a slow, mounting horror. He could bring her back, but at what cost? Would she return whole, or would she bear some shadow, a remnant of the darkness she’d been drawn from? And yet, could he walk away, knowing this chance existed?
He turned away, his gaze dark as he looked over the desolate hall. “What must I sacrifice, exactly?”
Alys tilted her head, her dark eyes shadowed and knowing. “Your life as you know it, Daemon. Your heart will belong to her… entirely, without room for another. And if you defy the magic or the price of it, her soul will suffer the consequences. The magic demands loyalty, and as such, it would demand yours.”
Daemon’s mind raced, visions of their past together flooding his thoughts. She had been his match in every way—her laughter, her fire, her unyielding spirit, and the fierce, defiant way she’d loved him. He couldn’t count the times he’d dreamt of her, only to wake and remember that she was gone, lost to him by the hand of the one man he’d trusted least.
Alys’s voice was soft as she continued. “You know she saw me as a mother, as a friend. I would never harm her. But bringing her back… it will bind us all together in ways that none of us can predict. The magic is as old as these stones. It cannot be controlled once it begins.”
He met her gaze, his eyes intense, a silent question in them. “You would do this for her?” His voice was softer, guarded. “Even knowing the risk?”
Alys stepped closer, her expression softening with a trace of vulnerability. “For her, yes. She was dear to me, and her loss… it felt as though I’d lost a part of myself.” She hesitated, her gaze drifting as if looking into another world. “But Daemon, you must understand—this will change you. The Daemon Targaryen you know now will not survive unscathed. You might find yourself in conflict with those you once held dear, bound by forces that even you cannot defy.”
Daemon’s gaze darkened. His mind flickered to those he might be forced to forsake: his family, the throne… perhaps even the very kingdom he had once sought to rule. The sacrifices twisted at his mind, a hollow ache forming in his chest. Could he do this, knowing he might become unrecognizable to himself, bound to a fate he couldn’t undo?
And yet, her face lingered in his mind, a flickering light in the shadows.
He closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he let his heart answer before his mind could. When he looked back at Alys, his resolve was clear. “I accept. She was my life—whatever is left of me now is hers.”
Alys regarded him, a small, knowing smile curving her lips. “Very well,” she murmured, a flicker of satisfaction in her gaze. “But remember Daemon, once this path is set in motion, it cannot be reversed. And if the cost becomes too great, the only way to save her will be to destroy yourself.”
Daemon’s eyes flashed with fierce determination. “If that is what’s required, then so be it.”
Alys gave a slight nod, her expression unreadable as she extended her hand toward him. “Then come, Prince Daemon. The ritual begins tonight.”
idk why this reminds me of the dreams where my lover and i are still together and then i wake up and feel a void so profound within me that it pins me down to my bed and i have to spend all my energy in just the act of getting off it and then spend the rest of the day as a corpse.
How many times do u think achilles woke in the middle of the night to turn over to touch patroclus and wonder why he was so cold before he realized
your parched roots are set on my wetland heart, i have fed you well after your teeth sunk into my skin and severed my arteries. there are no good endings.
grenade grudges blow up; and there are two casualties.
Was getting bored so I got the idea to draw a cutout heart and pin it. Filled up with lyrics...
ive imagined this very moment so many times
i
have
lost
count
imagined how it would feel if you felt the same emotions back. how it would feel if this ever actually became something more than just friends. how it would feel if admitted it to eachother.
and now that we’ve done all that.
im confused and all my emotions are mixed and i don’t know what to feel and what not to feel.
because you see, i like you. i like you a lot more than i realized. a lot more than ill ever care to admit. because admitting it means accepting the hurt that has found its way into my heart.
because this, whatever this is, could hurt a lot of people.
and im scared that if i allow myself to fall for you and if you don’t fall for me, then you’ll have the power to wake up one day and just end this. and i don’t want to give anyone the power to be able to make a decision for me. and i don’t think you’ll be able to deal with me every single day, knowing we like eachother, and then not call me your girlfriend. i think a stage will come when you’ll get fed up with the small smiles in the hallways and the conversation only we know about and being something in the midst of official and nothing, treading the very fine line of friends and more than friends.
a part of me believes that you are actually a nice person and that you genuinely care about me but another part of me believes that this is just a game for you and you aren’t and never will be as invested in this as i am and will be.
to be honest, im just at crossroads.
i do not want to end up getting hurt. i donot want to lose my innocence and my laughter and my will to smile. i donot want to spend nights in misery not knowing if you care or if you don’t. and most of all i donot want to spend my time in agony not knowing if a certain fight will end us.
so im doing what i have to
to save myself from the aftermath of this relationship
even though i know that this decision may end up haunting me and i may end up regretting it at times, regretting the fact taht i let something so beautiful go just because i was scared.
and during those times i truly hope that i can remind myself why i did what i did and that it was for the best.
Sue Zhao // Dialogues on Love #4 // “Maybe I already do”
I buried the hatchet, but still find myself occasionally running my fingers over the edge as a reminder not to get close to you anymore...
now that I’ve embarrassed myself in the lime light of love. Now that I’ve put harm to myself and threatened you. Now that I’ve clawed my way of the emergency room with hands pinning me down.
Can I finally let you go. Can I forget the sound of your voice, can I stop trying to breathe how you breathe.
Is this the final act of loving you.
some nights may seem hard to get through, but throughout the mist, when the fog feels like it’s suffocating you and you can’t seem to navigate the stars. Please remember that the sun will rise again, and it will always rise again.
right person, wrong universe.
I am too good at loving the villain, romanticising the devil. maybe this is why I always searched for monsters under my bed, ready to invite him in.
maybe all this time, the monster under my bed was you. I was destined for nothing other than a fire love, torture. this is why your pain does not scare me. I was born to love your darkness and fed you my light.
come on my love, I will hide under the bed with you forever.
in another universe I wasn’t scared to hate you. in another universe I hurt you just as much as you hurt me.
In another universe forgetting you was easy.
But this isn’t another universe. It’s reality and I still love you even though you hurt me.