Jason: OK I’M GIVING YOU TEN SECONDS TO TELL ME WHO ATE MY OREOS BEFORE I START WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUR ASSES
Eric: i saw Salim go into the cabi…
Salim: Eric please don’t do this
Eric: cabinet and grab the pack
Salim: why would you do this to me
Jason: oh Salim it was you? do you want another pack babe?
Zain: can I have a cookie?
Jason: what did Salim say?
Zain: he said no
Jason: so why would I say yes?
Zain: because he’s not the boss of you
Jason, already taking out the cookie jar: you can have two
Salim: So.
Salim: I'm in love.
Salim: with Jason.
Salim: I'm in love with Jason.
Nick:
Nick: Our Jason?
Salim: Yes?
Salim: . . .thoughts?
Nick: And prayers.
Nick: so… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Salim recently.
Jason: no, Nicky, its not what it looks like, I swear.
Nick: oh really? so no reason for me to be jealous?
Jason: no! you’re the only one for me.
Nick: is that so?
Jason: i promise! Salim and I are just dating, okay? He’s my boyfriend.
Nick: so there are no best-friends-feelings involved?
Jason: you are still my one and only best friend! He’s just the love of my life, nothing more!
Nick: but I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?
Jason: of course bro!
Nick: bro...
Salim: what the-
Nurse: You scored a 25/27 on your mental health questionnaire.
Jason: So that means I'm good at mental health, right?
*Crisis Counselor enters the room*
Jason: Ah, shit.
Salim: Have you guys seen Jason?
Rachel: No, haven’t seen him since the storm started
Nick: Since the sto- JASON NO!
Meanwhile, Jason standing in the middle of a thunderstorm with a shovel raised high: STRIKE ME DOWN ZEUS, YOU DON’T HAVE THE BALLS
Eric: *complaining about Nick*
Eric: He went to a state school
Rachel: So did I
Eric: He’s skinny and pretty
Rachel: So am I
Eric: He’s annoying
Rachel: So are you
Nick: What happened to my fun girlfriend?
Rachel: I was never fun, you take that back.
Salim: So, what was your childhood like?
Jason: Oh, you mean my tragic backstory that you must be at least level 3 friendship to unlock?
Salim: ...What level am I at?
Jason: 10. So it all started-
Jason: You're wearing makeup.
Salim: Oh, it's just eyeliner. Do you like it?
Jason: Looks... okay, I guess.
*later*
Jason, sobbing into Nick's shoulder: IT LOOKED SO GOOD!
Nick: I know, Jason.
Jason: I'M SO GAY!
Nick: I know, Jason.