Hogwarts Headcanon - Blog Posts
What’s heavier?
Gryffindor: Got a question for you. What’s heavier? A kilogram of steel? Or a kilogram of feathers?
Time ticks
Gryffindor: That’s right. It’s a kilogram of steel. Because steel is heavier than feathers.
Gryffindor’s Show!
Gryffindor: What do you mean?
Slytherin: They’re both a kilogram.
Gryffindor: But steel is heavier than feathers...
Slytherin: Heh. I know, but they’re both a kilogram.
Gryffindor:...Wha?
Gryffindor’s Show!
A scale holding both a kilogram of feathers and steel stands before gryffindor. The scale is balanced.
Gryffindor: That doesn’t prove anything, because steel is heavier than feathers.
Hufflepuff: I know, but look. They’re both a kilogram. Right? So they’re the same.
Gryffindor: Ok, but look at the size of this. *points to the huge bag of feathers* That’s cheating!
Slytherin: *laughs* No, they’re the same weight!
Hufflepuff: *also laughing* it’s a kilogram!
Gryffindor: But steels heavier than feathers...
Gryffindor’s Show!
Ravenclaw examining the scale.
Ravenclaw: They’re both a kilogram.
Gryffindor: Oh no...oh, no, you, ah...no...
Hufflepuff: You alright?
Gryffindor: *sadly* I don’t get it.
Slytherin: Sorry...
Ravenclaw: Yeah...Don’t worry about it!
House Vines
Muggle Hufflepuff: *sitting in car in front of a Wendys with Gryfindor, who is recording Hufflepuff* Is Wendy working today? *faces the camera smiling*
Muggle Gryfindor: Bruh, you didn’t roll your window down.
Muggle Hufflepuff: Wha?
Muggle Hufflepuff: Is Wendy working today? *once again faces Gryfindor’s camera smiling*
Muggle Gryfindor: I think they’re closed.
Muggle Hufflepuff: Yeah me too.
Muggle Hufflepuff: Hey, is Wendy working today?
Muggle Gryfindor: Dude I think we’re at Taco Bell-
Muggle Hufflepuff: *tears in eyes* WhAt hOw!?
House Vines
Ravenclaw: *bursts through Hufflepuff’s common room door* WhY arEn’t tHe DiSHes iN AlPhaBeTiCal OrDeR!?
Hufflepuff: *sitting up from couch* What does that even mean?
Into the wizarding world (Hogwarts x aware reader)
just a normal day or so I thought
Hogwarts x aware! Reader.
(my own idea! Hogwarts characters belong to rightful owners!)
Y/n sighed as she just finished binge watching the entire harry Potter series for the thousandth time. A yawn filled the quiet room as y/n began to lay down on her bed, y/n felt her eyes grow heavy and soon she fell asleep to the sound of her fan and the show coming from her tv. As y/n fell into deep sleep she could feel air blowing around her body it felt colder than usual but she just shrugged it off and fell asleep.
I saw a TikTok about how someone couldn’t decide if Carnival would be the hype song for Gryffindor or Slytherin but like guys it’s def Ravenclaw. Like come on, “head so good she honor roll”!
Headcanon: Quidditch players run work-outs for everyone interested
They have a schedule that indicates who leads the lessons every day.
No age limits. First years bond with older students. There's no strict colored uniform, so lots of students make friends without knowing what house the other one is in.
Imagine McGonagal joining a few times, and feeling shy around all the youngsters, but everyone has so much fun and beg her to come again every day. It's special days every time she's there.
Poppy and Pomona join any time they can. They always come together and giggle just like teenagers around them.
Flitwick LOVES it and earns lots of compliments from whoever leads the practice which makes his day. Everyone knows if he was praised this morning for his moves, he'd happily complement everyone's moves in his own class.
Hagrid makes horrible dad jokes, but everyone hysterically rolls on the grass, sometimes work-outs end early.
Snape would never, but he secretly asked for advice on back pains and exercises in his room.
This could have been so perfect🥲 Does anyone know what happened to the OP or if they have another account where I can find them?
LOGICAL HOGWARTS - WIP
So I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan. However whilst reading the series, one thing struck me above everything else - the way Hogwarts and the greater Wizarding World is seemingly set up just doesn’t make logical sense! Only one teacher per subject? With JKR telling us that there are approximately 1000 students at Hogwarts at any given time? 493 knuts per galleon? No Wizarding primary schools or higher education? So, me being the autistic Ravenclaw that I am, this took away from my enjoyment of the series. I needed it to make mathematical sense!
So I fixed it.
I have spend two years on and off coming up with a detailed overview of the school, from the number of total students and the male/female ratio, the number of students in every house, in every year, and how many could reasonably fit in one class at a time. Then I started on my class timetables. I had to appropriately plan every student’s schedule to make sure that no one had any overlapping classes, this ended up meaning manually writing down which subjects every student took and then sorting them alphabetically into classes based on the fact that I didn’t want more than 30 kids per class.
That still wasn’t enough though. I then had to figure out how we would get 1000 kids to school safely and efficiently, how we would sort them without making the entire school sit there for 3+ hours, how many professors would have to live at the school in order to provide adequate supervision for 1000 kids, a comprehensive list of school rules, an actual system of how many house points one would gain/lose…… I really dug myself into a hole and I couldn’t stop. In fact I’m still not done and I still can’t stop. There are SO many holes in this world.
Beyond this I have a whole alternate timeline that this whole thing is based on. Long story short, in my headcanon, the war ‘officially’ began with The Battle of the Department of Mysteries (which I have modernised to take place in June 2018) and ended in January 2020 with The Battle of Hogwarts, and then all students were required to repeat whatever year they were in during the war, because holy shit, the fact that they didn’t make any of them repeat a year after that mess is ridiculous. I’m surprised any of them even passed DADA with Umbridge!! Or that anyone accomplished anything the year Voldemort was literally in control of the school. Now I realise that modernising this story is probably an unpopular take - however I must stress how much I’m mainly doing this for myself so I can live out my Harry Potter fantasies in a relatable way lol. Feel free to ignore the modern times and just take my numbers to the original 90’s timeline if you’d rather do that than put yourself into the story like I do.
Also let it be known that I am in my 20’s and a mother of two… but my therapist knows about this and says it’s a HEALTY COPING MECHANISM…. soooooooo, guess I’m gonna just keep writing out this timeline and imaging what life would be like if I was 16 again woo! Anyway… Harry’s year would have to repeat Sixth Year. And believe me when I say the level of intricate detail in my alternate timeline is just wild. If you think I’m crazy for doing just this ‘Logical Hogwarts’ thing….. you don’t even want to see my alternate timeline. It’s wild. I’m way too invested in this. I’ve written over 30k words so far and I’m not stopping.
Also in my headcanon Hogwarts, everyone I like just lives because I’m doing this to escape my depression not to become even more depressed thank you very much! Snape, Lupin and Sirius Black all live and are put in a position where they have to run the DADA department together because, um, IMAGINE THE HILARITY!? Them hating each other, then eventually having to figure out how to work together? Reluctant forgiveness turned sincere apologies turned genuine friendship?? Also Remus and Sirius are so gay and Harry lives with them. Tonks has a different husband, they still both die and Teddy still exists. Harry is still Teddy’s godfather because of the genuine friendship he formed with Tonks. Dumbledore still dies. Originally he wasn’t going to but he just has to, I realised the story doesn’t work if he lives.
So, here we are. The second wave of Logical Hogwarts, re-vamped, rewritten in some parts, lots more added on! Two years and one more kid later! Feel free to take this for personal use or fanfiction or whatever, tag me or message me if you do I want to see your class timetable! Or if you want me to make you a class timetable I’ll do it!
(Disclaimer; I still look after my kids I promise. I just don’t sleep which is how I have time for this ;))
I’ve tried to make this as easy to read and navigate as I possibly can, so I’ve created a seperate page for every different aspect of this world. I didn’t like the look of the master post and scrolling for so long was overwhelming. So, here it goes…
Hogwarts student body (the numbers)
Hogwarts student body (the names) Hogwarts dormitories
Hogwarts prefects and head boy & girl Hogwarts staff & faculty Hogwarts School Rules (this was THE MOST fun to write) The Hogwarts Express (but it makes sense now)
The Sorting Ceremony (but it doesn’t suck now)