I Am Unwell - Blog Posts
I would just like to say that Cordelia pronouncing gefilte fish wrong is my favourite thing on the planet
not because she's getting it wrong
but because every time another character enters, she says it wrong, and they do not have the heart to correct her.
like, the lyrics literally go─
Cordelia: "Gefiltee-fish!"
Mendel: "...Ga-fil-tah fish?" (Sounding it out for her)
Marvin: "Right-!"
LIKE THEY KNEW, oBVIOUSLY BUT- but 😭 they didn't wanna let her know because they thought I might hurt her feelings or something GUYS
GUYSSSSS
TW : rant/dump
I’m not fishing for anything, I just really needed to say this, and I’m not willing to put it on anyone I know. Please don’t read this if you’re unwell. I don’t want to add to anyone else’s struggle
I just needed to get off my chest,
This couple weeks have been… not good.
My grandma has been making sui/homi threats when she can’t get more pain meds, my grandpa is obsessed with conspiracy politics and won’t keep it to himself, my mom depends on me emotionally
My shelf came off the wall and broke my file box and shattered a glass frame all over the floor
I spilled soda so incredibly that it got on my carpet, walls, floor, the bottom of my bed (?), my printer, my extension cord, my yarn basket, and so many other places I keep finding
I ruined an entire load of clothes with chapstick, it will not come out, and my mom tossed them
My air purifier itself has started smelling like mold despite upkeep
My windowsill is covered in mold and my plaster is cake and even my carpenter uncle can’t figure out my Schrödinger studs
Because of all these things I’ve been having to fix or account for on top of my medical bills and car bills and insurance bills I can’t even quite make it paycheck to paycheck
I don’t have the time or money to take care of procedures I’m supposed to have done already
My doctor says I’m in the chronic pain of someone twice my age and that my job isn’t going to work for me in the long term and my job is trying to shove me out but I can’t find another job that won’t kill my mental health, physical health, or support me financially
Im just stuck,
I’m stuck.
Sometimes u need a weighted blanket to flatten the emotions into a thin little pancake so they don’t condense into something unmanageable
Fellow headache havers/haters:
I have sinus headaches all the time- it’s allergies, it’s whatever.
What is not whatever is the time I went to pet sit for my cousin.
I stopped for lunch, got a blinding headache in the middle of it, scrambled to my car, drove to a store, found out it was closed, jogged a block to a store to see if they had painkillers, they did not, jogged back to my car, tried not to fall over, realized I locked my keys and phone in the car in a distant city, felt irrational dread that I couldn’t reset in real life, went to an antique store and asked to borrow their phone, called my mom, she couldn’t find my key, called for roadside assistance, they said they’d be an hour, mom calls back and found my key, I gotta call the company again to cancel the assistance, wait 20 minutes for my mom to show up. She was so frazzled she didn’t bring pain killers, I get into my car and realize I still haven’t cared for my cousins pet yet, I go take care of the pet and successfully don’t die, I drive all the way home and still haven’t died, then I finally take meds 2 hrs later and go to sleep.
…
Anyways is that normal?
No one gets that one of the core themes of this damn show is love.
Love motivated Vander to protect Vi, Powder, Myles and Claggor.
Love motivated Vi to continually fight for Jinx.
Love motivated Jayce to explore magic as it saved his mom.
Love motivated Viktor to give the rune to Jayce
Love for science motivated Viktor and Jayce to create Hextech
Love motivated Singe to do absolutely terrible things to save his daughter.
Love was the catalyst for every action every character did.
something something despite the all horrors and tragedies of the world, love was there and that's all that matters
Update I’m scared to finish my book as I don’t want Sherlock to end
I adore here. I’m in so much pain
just. the way that everyone wrote lilia off as some harmless unserious weirdo in the way so many older women get written off. when in fact she was an incredible brilliant badass
Something is wrong with me and don’t know what
Every morning I wake up and wish I didn’t
I put on clothes and resist the itch under my skin
pick and peel and theres always more layers
Who’s vessel am I in?
I eat food and only feel the textures
All I taste is dust
There are three hair ties where there should be two
I try not to greet my reflection,
It doesn’t matter, I’ll forget what he looks like when I leave the room
I hate my hair and the way I dress
I think there’s something wrong with me
I look up my interests in class because the people there scare me
I can’t look them in the eyes
If I must talk I become a facsimile of whoever they need me to be
I can tell my smile doesn’t reach my eyes.
I can’t check because I hate that thing in the mirror
I watch existentialist tv and relate to the people in the shows
They ask the tired questions
“Who am I,”
“Why am I here?”
“Am I a good person”
I know none of those answers
I stay in bed all day
It’s the only place I feel safe, sequestered from the world
Sometimes I like to imagine I’m sick just so my family will take care of me
I don’t think they like me very much
I dread going to bed
I love getting under the covers
I love nobody coming to bother me
If I died here nobody would know until the next morning
And even then not until after 3
I love to sleep
I get to die in any way that matters for a bit
When you’re asleep you can pretend nobody knows you
And you know nobody
I hate waking up
I hate remembering I am known
I have therapy on Saturday
She’ll ask me how I’m doing
I’ll forget all of this by then
She tells me I have successes
But measured against others I’ve done practically nothing
What am k doing with my life
Is this even worth living
Am I even worth living
I write
I erase
I don’t make anything worthwhile
Why even try
it stays in my notes to rot anyways
I want tk go missing
I think there’s something wrong with me
I think vanishing is a way of showing love
Leaving and letting people think you got raptured
It’s beautiful in a way
will graham wanted hannibal lecter’s arms to be his tomb