I’m Doing Great - Blog Posts
me: Lost a friendship, gained a broken heart. That was so two days ago tho, if Motha Earth can do two (2) whole ass pirouettes, I can be over this
been at this starbucks for 6 straight hours. never went to bed last night, listened to a jazz cover of old town road all morning, and drove here after class. i pulled a mug the size of a bowling ball out of my purse. they filled it. what babes. since i finished my drink i’ve been eating raw coffee beans (please don’t ask where i got them). i haven’t moved except to occasionally smile at the baristas. i know i should go home, but nothing feels real
me: Yeah so like I’m over it. Want a bean?
Insomnia is really weird because I am actively swaying like about to physically collapse and yet if I close my eyes suddenly I have enough energy to be like mmm bathrobe is slightly too thick cant sleep. So here I am. Reading fanfic at 11:54 pm like a respectable child aware that I have to be awake at like 7 am and go to church and do things but sure brain. Lets learn as much as I can about Al Capone specifically from Night at the Museum. That´s a good use of my time.
loverboymontgomery:
When Adam passed Cole his hoodie, he smiled. Though it was a cliche, he loved wearing Adam’s clothes– so much so that he’d periodically stolen dozens of shirts, hoodies, and jackets over the years. He brushed his hand against Adam’s and tugged the hoodie on, trying to act cool, calm, and collected when he was anything but. Both because he was freaking out about whatever had grabbed them in the lake and because Adam was here, looking at him with those eyes, and he wasn’t allowed to hold him.
“Kind of wish I did,” Cole said, with a sigh. He wished he had answers for Adam– or rather, that his answers made any fucking sense. When Max had told him about the Upside Down and the Mindflayer and the fucked up shit happening in Hawkins, it had actually made him feel better, for a while. He finally knew that Adam hadn’t died hating him, that he was… possessed. But when Adam showed back up with a completely different story, any comfort Cole took in the truth was long gone.
I’m not going anywhere. Cole closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself to believe it. Only, Adam couldn’t guarantee that. Cole couldn’t guarantee that either. Adam coming back both gave Cole a future again and threatened his utter demise. Losing Adam once had already destroyed him, but the thought of losing him twice felt like a death sentence. He did his best to muster up a smile, so as not to worry his boyfriend, but Cole knew better. Adam was always able to tell when something was up.
Cole knew Adam’s answer before he elaborated, just based on the way he said his name. He nodded profusely along as Adam spoke, as guilt settled into his stomach. Of course Adam couldn’t leave his family now. He’d just gotten caught up in the moment, in his own fears, and was desperately trying to find something to cling to. “Of course, love. Of course,” he murmured, squeezing Adam’s hand back. “I’m sorry, that was… I was being emotional. I don’t want you to leave your family.” If anything, Cole wanted to bring Adam’s family with them. “I understand how they feel. I’m so scared of losing you again,” he finally admitted, rubbing circles on Adam’s hand with his thumb.
Their relationship had never gotten to look like a straight couple’s. In high school, Adam didn’t get to walk down the hall hand in hand with Cole, or kiss him when they got to their classroom door. Cole couldn’t show up to Adam’s games with Adam’s jersey number painted on his cheek. They couldn’t be out. That just wasn’t an option in Hawkins, Indiana. But they had always managed to find little ways of reclaiming the public displays of affection that they deserved. From sitting too close on the bus to away games to a casual arm thrown across the other’s shoulder, Adam and Cole had always tried to show how much they loved one another in their own way. Cole wearing Adam’s clothes was probably Adam’s favorite, though. He loved seeing the other in his hoodies or sweaters; he’d even given Cole his fucking letterman jacket in school, almost daring anyone to say something. So giving him another hoodie tonight was more than worth it if it warmed Cole up and brought a smile to his face after everything that had happened.
“Yeah, me too,” Adam agreed, leaning back on the log. If only it was that simple. If only they’d had some sort of weird, freaky, shared nightmare or something. But something had happened, hadn’t it? Adam had felt it just as much as Cole. And that didn’t comfort him in the end. “But, we’re okay. Right? We both lived. We’re both here. We’ll get through this.” Maybe that was too optimistic, but Adam had always brought that to their relationship. Where Cole was more pragmatic, more understanding of the cruelties of the world, Adam was kind. He was gentle. He saw the best in all situations and people. And right now, they needed a little bit of optimism before they....well, before they drowned.
It killed Adam to turn Cole down. If he could just go, he would in a heartbeat. That had always been the plan, after all - for them to leave, runaway together and move out to California. Somewhere where they could just be together. Where no one would hurt them for holding hands, or would look at them strangely for living together. And Adam had ruined that. Whether he meant to or not, Adam had kept them from leaving, and he was doing it again. It broke him to do that, but he couldn’t just leave his family. Not right now. “I’m so sorry, honey,” Adam told him, bringing Cole’s hand up to his mouth and kissing the back of it. If someone saw right now, Adam would say he was fucking kidding or something - but he needed to comfort Cole. “No, baby, it’s okay to be emotional.” Fuck, Adam was emotional. He felt sometimes like his heart was too big for his rib cage - it expanded out, bloody and raw for the world to see and judge and treat however it saw fit. He couldn’t hide a fucking emotion if he tried. “You won’t.” Adam swore. “I promise, Cole, I’m going to do everything that I can to be with you forever. Whatever happened before - we’ll just make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay? Together.”
Sorry in advance if this post doesn't make much sense, but! in my defense, this was all originally going to be left in tags (for this post specifically if you're curious). And then the tags breached containment, and they were pretty off-topic anways, so... here we are! There's no particular point here, I'm just writing whatever comes to mind, so fair warning for lots of aimless rambling that leads into even more aimless rambling:
PLA to me is about perseverance. It's about the initial confusion, and the consequent adaptation that changes you fundamentally as a person. It's about using your strengths in ways you never considered before. It's about ✨Willpower✨ even--- ok that's a reference to personal canon but whatever. More than anything, it's about the lengths someone is willing to go through to get what they want, whether it's summoning Pokemon Satan to restart the world, trying to protect your hoe from mentioned Satan-summoner, or just trying to survive in the midst of chaos.
My Lucas is deaf and loses his hearing aids when he first arrives in Hisui (he has a tiny bit of hearing but like. not enough to be useful for the most part), so instantly he's cut off from everyone who tries to help him. He can write to communicate but the language gap is like modern vs middle english---sure it's kinda possible but it's gonna be a pain in the ass, take forever to decipher, and meaning will be lost in translation. It gets easier to deal with as time goes on, of course, but the pure inconvenience will always be there. And then of course he's shoved right into the Survey Corps because they assume he just speaks a different language instead of Literally Not Being Able To Hear Anything. He ends up communicating mostly through gestures when out in the field (he and Akari work out their own system of signals for long-distance communication methinks), and as per Cyllene's suggestion, he eventually puts together some communication cards for general use. When he gets back to Sinnoh, it definitely makes him think about over-relying on technology, but getting into that would segue into unrelated territory.
And poor Lucas doesn't know how to survive out in the wild!! He's a scholar not a fighter!!! He probably read some relevant stuff back in Sinnoh but also his memory is pretty shot. Akari's there to help too (she has a much more active role in personal canon) but a lot of it is still trial and error, and then so so so much research while he has the luxury of being in town. The first time he encounters an alpha pokemon, it manages to sneak up on him from behind, and he kinda sorta nearly dies! After that, he learns real quick to pay attention to the shadows around him as visual clues, including after he returns to Sinnoh (which does ruin Dawn's/Barry's fun a little but it's probably for the best so they don't end up scaring him and getting suckerpunched out of reflex). He ends up using the environment to his advantage a lot in that way, even after he physically adapts to his new setting---after all, no matter how strong you and your pokemon are, there's always going to be someone stronger. You're much more likely to survive if you know how to work around that strength instead. He'd probably take up foraging as well whenever he runs out of supplies. I can't see him hunting for food because 1.) trying to prepare a pokemon for consumption would be Overstimulating to say the least, and 2.) killing a pokemon might be just a little traumatizing for someone who works so closely with them (both before and during PLA). Like sure he'd probably get used to it, but he's not willing to get that far in the first place, so his diet suffers a bit as a result. There's plenty of other examples but honestly this paragraph is getting too long.
Long story short once he gets exiled it's basically Survival Wilderness Training Pt. 2: Hardcore Mode. Of course, he doesn't especially care about his banishment---Lucas is perfectly fine with rules right until the point they become unfair or unreasonable, after which he'll ignore them at his leisure---but sneaking back into Jubilife tends to be more trouble than its worth anyways. From there, its a matter of figuring out who he can and can't depend on. Akari was the person he trusted most but ultimately chose to stay in Jubilife when he was banished, the clan leaders frankly seemed a little childish at first but they're eager to lend him a hand, the wardens can't do much for fear of offending the Galaxy Team, and Volo's willing to help but sticks his nose in Lucas's business too much for his liking. Then again, he can't really be too picky when he's roughing it out in the wilderness and also trying to stop what feels like the end of the world. It's a matter of principles vs practicality, and unfortunately for Lucas, he has some very strong principles.
Aaaaand from here I'm not sure what else to write. Like I mentioned, I didn't exactly have a specific topic in mind while writing this. I'm also pretty undecided on the story beats overall---I haven't actually. y'know. played or watched PLA yet. But these are my thoughts so far at least!