Im Not Okay - Blog Posts

I feel defeated... I have filled out job applications, did the follow up calls, did a spell jar for a little boost, and even filled out another job application.

Then to make matters worse, I thought I was still in good graces with most of my coworkers. We live in a medium sized community but I have no problem helping my friends out. Basically long story short, the store wasn't able to open on time because the opener didn't show up. The cops were called to the store for a welfare check by a concerned customer. She was genuinely worried that something was wrong.I was then called because the opener wasn't responding and we are neighbors. That didn't go well, and the opener proceeds to angry text the store manager, says she's mad at me, and that I am getting favoritism, and since i don't work there anymore don't send me over.

Then, our merchandise manager arrives, and takes over the angry texting, and shuts it all down. Because with the store not opening on time the manager could have been fired, and they both told me that it's not my fault, and that I shouldn't feel obligated to help people with rides anymore.

I don't feel like a ray of sunshine right now.

Listen I spent a lot of last night crying because Panic! at the disco is breaking up and still, I’m Not Okay.

phase 7 looks insane yall can't wait to see it unfold

On each daydream or edit audio I listen always come out with a new Gf Au

But this one....

.....Uhm....I..uh...

Well we'll work on it..

charlielightening Buzzing for you all to see this movie I’ve made with the lad Tomlinson. We really captured something special. You don’t want to miss this, still chance to get tickets, going to be massive

I’m actually going to pass away I was literally explaining to my non-mcr obsessed friend about the im not okay mv being in 4K and now Gee’s name is Illi Mcmillin. Our substitute comes in. OUR SUBSTITUTE’S NAME IS MRS. MCMILLIN. WHAT.

I'M PASSING AWAY THE MVs ARE IN 4K NOW WHAT THE FUCK???? I'M NOT OKAY IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE MV OF ALL TIME AND I'M LITERALLY GOING TO DIE OVER HERE SOMEONE SAVE ME

I KNOW I KEEP POSTING ABOUT ALL THE NEW SHIT BUT LIKE I'M LOSING MY MIND

NEW SINGLE NEW REVEALED RECORDING THEY’RE HYPING US FOR SOMETHING AND IT’S WORKING I’M DYING I AM SPINNING AHHHHHHH

Me to myself in the mirror:

Me: You like procrastinating, sleeping, staring at a screen, being lazy, and staying alone. You can't cook, you can't clean, and you definitely can't sew for shit. Face it, you can't default to being a housewife if your career fails.

My mirrored self: I don't wanna be a housewife. I just wanna- *contemplates what I actually wanna do*

It came to me in a vision man idk

I disappeared off the face of the earth for a few days so sorry to y’all if you noticed my absence. Anyways I’m absolutely cooked for my finals. I’m too stupid to make it.

I don’t wanna make it, I just wanna *Totally fire guitar riffs*

Anyway uhh wish me luck. Or don’t. 🤷‍♀️

Idk what I'm doin y'all

Boop if you wanna boop Gee :D

Or just boop for no reason

Or don't

If you don't boop then you don't like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangoria, Harry Houdini, or croquet. And you also know how to swim, dance, and you can do karate.

So basically if you don't boop you're going to make it.

:)

guys… wtf did i just make

scratt

ITS SO GOOd im (S)CREAMING

AHHHH

SO ARE THE OTHER TWO

😫😫😫😫

"THEY'RE BROTHERS I TELL YOU BROTHERS!"

I say as they drag me into the padded room

spreading this agenda, I guess.

Stop Pushing

I need a break

I need to break

I'm going to break

If you don’t let me have a break

I have been trained

To do what is best for me

No matter what

And I am allowed to do anything to keep myself okay

Okay

I'm currently not okay

Someone would make this okay

If they were around I think I would be o.k.

Nothing is holding me over

This is looking like a sleepless night

And not for partying reasons

Unless being burned out was a party

You don’t listen

So listen

Don’t push to the point that I don’t want to listen

Superfluous words you say and yet I continue to listen

So many words, my oh my oh me

You cant fix my life anymore, my oh my oh me

Let me handle how much I push myself, my oh my oh me

I know how much I can take without doing too much, my oh my oh me

Ok- don't get me wrong and no offense to anyone whatsoever, but your grandmas a total asshole! Complaining about the smallest microscopic bits of dust and telling that your a total lazy bitch?! Now thats just too far like- way too far, and what your grandmas complainst are just total bullshit! If at any point i hear one more of your grandma shit talking the piss out of you with shit words, I'd beat her ass if I were there! If I were you I'd definitely feel the same thing.

As if now I think I'm feeling the same thing as you buddy...and please...don't try to kill yourself nor any bad things to yourself. This world ain't perfect without you and you know it. It's alright to cry, Crying is a normal human response to a whole range of emotions that has a number of health and social benefits, including pain relief and self-soothing effects. Try to talk to a therapist or friends/families for any of your problems. Maybe they can help with what your dealing with right now...

Try to keep yourself away from those kinds of bad stuff that your grandma tells you about, your already perfect, even if you say you aren't and try to keep yourself positive k?

Im not very good at comforting other people but hope this just helps...

Finally someone understands me![no offence has been taken, I honestly agree]

I told this to my friend and they laughed at my face and called me a narcissist. They said I was to sensitive and that someone out there was dealing with something worse than my situation. I stopped being friends with them since.

I've had worse experiences with my grandmothers. The older one is [Y] and the youngest one is [K].

Me and [K]'s relationship is shit! It was in the morning and she made us breakfast. It was Wheat-Bix™ and since it was a whole week eating it, I got sick of it. I told her that I did want Wheat-Bix™ and you know what she did… SHE THREW A SHOE RIGHT AT MY EYE! Ever since then, I had trouble seeing properly and got headaches whenever my eye hurts. I told my mother and she said that it would get better… THAT WAS 3 YEARS AGO!

Then there's [Y] and I fucking hate her!

Whenever [Y] heard that I did do my work, she would hit me in here office or Infront of the whole class! She once saw me on my phone instead of doing my work[I have a short attention span] and she was pissed. She said that if I continued this, I would become a poor drug dealer and that i would get raped. She said that nobody would care about me and that I would kill myself in the future. Then the next day she wants to act like it's all sunshine and rainbows… SHE SAID TO ME THAT SHE WAS PROTECTING ME AND THAT IT WAS A LECTURE!

WHAT FUCKING LECTURE WOULD TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY WOULD BE RAPED?!

Then there's my mental illness.

I suffer from ADHD and autism and my family members only think that I have ADD. I try and tell them but they just tell me "oh [TOMMIE], You don't have ADHD, stop being a clout chaser" or "this is just an excuse because you don't wanna do your homework".

Then there's my Grade 7 English teacher.

Whenever somebody where to talk in class he would say "Y'all must have ADHD because you guys just want attention". I wanted to take out my scissors and stab him!

Anyways, I don't like my family members. Thank you Chain for understanding.

x

I’m having a very emotional day. My business communications class is triggering a lot of old memories from when I was working at two different companies. I know I did what I could with the knowledge and tools I had at that point in my life, but the memories still hurt.

Not knowing I was autistic and how that impacted everything in my life was a huge factor. Not being properly medicated for ADHD and feeling like I was the only person who didn’t have my shit together practically killed me. I still have PTSD from comments I saw and heard others say about me. About being gaslit by my manager. About being so overwhelmed that I am still dealing with burnout.

It doesn’t help that I’m not in therapy right now. My case worker is pushing to try to find me a therapist but the system is so overloaded and there just aren’t enough people to go along without burning out the therapists.

On top of all that, my assignment this week in my business communications class is to talk about my chosen field and how communication has changed. Except I don’t have a chosen field. I’m struggling to figure out what it is and if I can actually work. I’m in crisis every day about it. Being disabled but “not disabled enough” is taking its toll right now. I’m not okay. I’m hopeful things will get better but that’s where I am.

Good gravy this one hit me. This one hit me hard. The words just….Ugg I’m in Spain without the S.

(text from this post, fic is little kid with a big death wish by @remedyturtles)

i'm genuinely not sure where to start here - ig first of all this fic is absolutely incredible and if you somehow haven't read it yet you absolutely should!

okay. man. rem, this fic means so so much to me and i'm so glad i got to be here for it. i think this is one of those fics that'll stick with me years down the line even if one day i'm not into tmnt anymore, one i'll come back to over and over again

your writing has touched so so many people myself very much included, and i just. want to thank you so much for writing this fic and thank you for sharing it. you're an amazing writer and an amazing person and i'm lucky to know you. i can't wait to see what you do next

That new episode got me all

Ya feel me? :)

EDIT:

I need some sleep rn-

continuing to suck on him after he cums so you can listen to him whimper as he tries to get away>>>

TOH SPOLIERS:

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IF GUS USED THE SPELL TO SEE MEMORIES ON BELOS THAT MEANS HE SAW ALL HIS MEMORIES

BRO IS FUCKING 12 HOLY SHIT IM NOT OKAY