JJ: Do you like me?
Emily: No...
JJ: What if started dating-
Emily: What if I break their face!
Emily: I have the sharpest memory! Name one time I’ve forgotten something.
Derek: You left me in a Walmart parking lot like, three weeks ago.
Emily: I did that on purpose, try again.
Emily, pointing: Can I sit there?
JJ: That’s my lap…
Emily: That doesn’t answer my question.
Emily: Calling me a "People Pleaser" is so misleading. Absolutely nothing I have done in my life has ever pleased anyone.
Emily: Time for plan G.
JJ: Don't you mean plan B?
Emily: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip plan C due to technical difficulties.
Spencer: What about plan D?
Emily: Plan D was that separate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Rossi: What about plan E?
Emily: I'm hoping not to use it. I die in plan E.
Derek: I like plan E.
Emily: I want to be a caterpillar.
JJ: Explain?
Emily: Eat a lot, sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
JJ: You know that they have a lifespan of like two weeks right?
Emily: That's another highlight.
JJ: Emily NO-
Emily: I accidentally showed some weakness earlier today. It was disgusting, I would not recommend it.
JJ: I feel like doing something stupid.
Emily: I’m stupid! Do me!
Derek: Hotch just sent a text. He said to not accidentally kill someone.
Emily: Well, I'm not a fucking idiot.
Emily: I know how to do it on purpose.
JJ: Look, let's just agree to say sorry on the count of three. One, two, three...
Emily:
JJ:
JJ: See, now I'm disappointed in both of us.
Emily: Not me. I've never been prouder.
Derek: Let's prep you for your date tomorrow with JJ. It's at 7pm. What time do you arrive?
Emily: Seven A.M. Case the restaurant. Run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not, I have to kill him. Dispose of the body. Replace him with my own guy no later than 4:30.
Derek: You're ready.
Emily: Really?
Derek: No. Everything you just said was insane, but we're out of time.
Penelope: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
JJ: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Spencer: Drunk.
Derek: Wasted.
Emily: Dead.
Emily: You have to learn to love yourself.
JJ: Don't you hate yourself?
Emily: Yes, but this is about you, stay focused.
Emily: Well, well, well, if it isn't the feelings I've been trying to avoid.
Emily: Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed.
JJ: [Glares at her]
Emily: See?
JJ: Why are you wet?
Emily: I knocked over a plant in the kitchen and Sergio saw it.
JJ: So?
Emily: I had to spray myself water-
JJ (confused): Wait-why?
Emily: I wanted to show him that the law applies for everyone [shrugs]
JJ: Did you eat my powdered donuts?
Emily: *mouth full of donuts* no.
JJ: Then what's the white powder on your jeans?
Emily: That's cocaine.
Derek: You need a hobby.
Emily: I have a hobby.
Derek: Creating fake scenarios in your head of you and JJ isn't a hobby.
Emily: You're right. It's a profession and I excel at my job.
Emily: *laying on a pool chair unconscious*
Penelope, panicking: She’s not breathing!
Derek: I’ll give her mouth to mouth!
Emily: *opens one eye* Ew no! Let JJ do it!
*closes eye*
Spencer:
Hotch:
Rossi:
Penelope:
Derek:
JJ: GET OUT OF THE WAY, MOTHERFUCKERS