Incorrect Criminal Minds - Blog Posts

Reid: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety, I'll wait.

Garcia: You and me.

Reid, tearing up: Okay.

Garcia: Ah, ready for another fantastic day of being better than Luke.

Reid: I am in pain.

Emily: Do you mean emotionally or- Oh god that’s a lot of blood!

Reid: Pain. Yes

Hotch: Just be careful, Reid!

Reid *heading out the door*: I'm always careful, Hotch!

Reid: It's everything around me that's careless.

Emily: Aaron and I are getting married!

Tara: Don’t share your personal problems with everyone else.

Reid: Define dream

Emily: Dream - The first thing people abandon when they find out how the world works

Garcia: That’s too dark!

Morgan: So, what do you think about that plan?

Rossi: Whatever floats your titanic

Morgan: The titanic sank

Rossi: Yeah, just like your IQ did when you came up with that plan.

Emily: It was love at first sight, I knew my life would never be the same again.

JJ: She’s an idiot, and apparently I find that attractive.

Emily: Do you think I’m ugly?

Reid: It’s not about looks, Emily. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Emily: Reid...

Reid: For example, someone's heart.

Emily: Aw... Stop it-

Reid: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Emily: Seriously, stop.

Reid going on a long tangent without stopping:

Emily: I think you’re still suffering the effects of Rossi’s party last night.

Reid: All I drank was red bull!

Emily: How many?

Reid: 18

Hotch: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Emily: It’s not a joke.

Emily: *sniffles*

Emily: I’m a legit snack.

Reid: Did you win? Or just not die?

Reid: Either way, hooray.

Emily: ...Is ‘no’ a valid answer?

Reid: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me

Just some random Incorrect Criminal Minds Quotes.

Tara, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?

Reid: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.

Tara:

Tara: Water you doing?

———————

The BAU team every time Gideon does something against the rules: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

———————

Morgan: Hey Reid, do you have any hobbies?

Reid: Swimming..

Morgan: Really? That’s cool. I never expected you to-

Reid: In a pool of self hatred and regret.

———————

Luke: You have an impressive pain tolerance.

Reid: Thanks, it's the trauma.

———————

Luke: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

JJ: Elephants.

Luke: Blocked.

Matt: Camels.

Luke: Extra blocked.

Garcia: Donkeys.

Luke: Ultra blocked.

Reid: That dick.

Luke: ...Followed.

———————

Morgan: Reid, it’s the third time this week you’ve had a mental breakdown and its Monday.

Morgan: How many hours did you sleep last night?

Reid: 4 surprisingly.

Morgan: Straight?

Reid: No bisexual, why?

Reid: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

Garcia: How tall is Luke?

Reid: Around 5 feet and 8 inches.

Garcia: Then 5 feet and 8 inches

Emily: Can someone here please peer pressure me into working out?

Spencer: Work out or you’re straight.

Emily: I said to peer pressure me, Not to threaten me!

Garcia: I actually have a black belt!

Rossi: You have a black belt In karate?

Garcia: No, from Gucci

Reid: I started seeing someone.

Morgan: Do you mean like a therapist, or dating, or.. hallucinations..?

Reid:…

Morgan: Reid-

Emily: Am I in trouble?

Hotch: Take a guess.

Emily: No..?

Hotch: Take another guess.

JJ: I need boy advice, help!

Emily: Kill him.

Emily: I always thought "happiness" started with an "h". So why does mine start with "u"?

JJ:

JJ: Are you dyslexic?

Emily: I am not the jealous type.

JJ: You punched Spencer.

Emily: He was holding your hand.

JJ: It was a handshake.

Emily: First of all, fuck this.

Emily: Second of all, fuck off.

Emily: Third of all, fuck me.

JJ: I… uh… what?

Emily: Did I fucking stutter?

Emily: Wait. People actually tell their crushes they like them?

Derek: What the hell do YOU do?

Emily: I die? What kinda question...

Emily: JJ's lip balm tastes like honey and something else, but I can't decide what.

Spencer: YOU GUYS KISSED?

JJ: No. She just ate my lip balm.

Hotch: One of these days, your smart mouth is going get you stabbed.

Emily: Pfft, as if I haven't been stabbed before.

Spencer: Why are people always fighting over top or bottom? I would be lucky just to have a bunk bed.

Derek:

Penelope:

JJ:

Emily: I'm gonna tell him.

JJ: Don't you dare.

JJ: That’s ridiculous. Emily does not have a crush on me.

Derek: Yes she does.

Spencer: Yes she does.

Emily: Yes she does.

Emily: Mfs be texting at 3am "wyd", bro I'm in bed with your wife.

Will: Emily, answer my call.

Emily: I love Cheetos.

JJ: Me too.

Emily: Guess we should make out then.