Jason, watching Zain steal something: Man, what an idiot, where are his parents?
Jason:
Jason: Oh shit, I am the parent
Zain: *watching TV*
Jason: Ah, you're watching Sailor Moon? I love that anime. The way they just–
Jason: *clenches fist*
Jason: Sail all those fricking moons.
Salim: Jason, can you do me a favour ?
Jason: i would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my dna at the crime scene and take the blame for you.
Salim: cool i guess ? can you do the dishes please ?
Jason: no.
Salim, eating a cinnamon roll:
Jason, shaking his head: cannibalism.
Salim: *confused chewing noises*
Jason: *pointing* Can I sit there?
Salim: That’s my lap.
Jason: That doesn’t answer my question
Zain: i made you a friendship bracelet.
Jason: you know, i'm not really a jewellery person.
Zain: well you don't have to wear it if you don't want t-
Jason: no, i'm gonna wear it forever, back off!
Zain with Tariq in town: I did that adult thing you can do where you buy an entire cake and just eat it.
Zain: I am eating an entire cake.
Zain: Update: there is more cake than I imagined.
Zain: I see now why my dad didn’t let me do this.
Nick: Hey, Jason? Can I get some dating advice?
Jason, sighing: Just because I'm with Salim doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Jason: We can’t have Salim come to his party yet. The sign’s not finished- it’s supposed to say ‘Salim’s Birthday’
Nick: What does it say now?
Jason: ‘Salim’s Bi’.
Jason:
Jason: Nevermind, that’s perfect. We’re ready!
Nick: Do you support gay rights?
Jason: I am literally dating Salim.
Clarisse: He's dodging the question.
Pre-marines Jason: it’s always ‘how high are you’ and not ‘hi, how are you?’
Jason: Are you a painting?
Salim: What-?
Jason: Because I want to pin you to a wall.
All of the confused marines: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-
Jason: How do you know how to kiss? like who teaches you?
Salim: Well it’s actually a class, but sadly it’s full at the moment now.
Salim: Would you like private lessons?
Nick: Damn that was smooth.
Salim: Everyone has their demons
Salim, holding Vampire!Jason: This one is mine
Eric, teaching Jason to drive: Okay, you're driving and Salim and I walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Jason: Oh, definitely you. I could never hurt Salim.
Eric, massaging his temples: The brakes, Kolchek. You hit the brakes.
Eric: What the fuck is Jason even doing?
Nick: HIS BEST!
Jason: Salim and I don't have pet names for each other
Nick: what do bees make?
Jason: Honey?
Nick: huh, really thought that would work
Jason: ha! You idiot
Salim, from another room: yeah?
Salim: Hostage or not, sometimes it's nice being held.
Jason:
Jason: Are you okay.
Jason: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.
Nick: Did Salim say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?
Jason: DUE TO PERSONAL REASONS–
Jason: Be myself? I have a day to win over Zain. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Nick: Couple weeks.
Rachel: Six months.
Eric: Jury’s still out.
Jason: See? “be yourself”, seriously, Nicky? What kind of garbage advice is that?
Jason: Fuck AND marry Salim, and I’ll kill everyone else.
Nick: Damn it, Jason. That’s not how the game works.
Salim: Why the hell is there blood everywhere?
Vampire!Jason: Well, you see, it's simple color theory-
Salim: it’s been a rough 24 hours, we could stand to do something stupid
Jason: I’m something stupid, do me
Jason: OK I’M GIVING YOU TEN SECONDS TO TELL ME WHO ATE MY OREOS BEFORE I START WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUR ASSES
Eric: i saw Salim go into the cabi…
Salim: Eric please don’t do this
Eric: cabinet and grab the pack
Salim: why would you do this to me
Jason: oh Salim it was you? do you want another pack babe?
Jason after kissing Salim: this is sick as af as fuck if im being tbh
Salim: [takes a deep breath] Today is gonna be a good day
Salim: [deep breath] There’s going to be no bullshit
Salim: [opens the door to see Jason standing there]
Jason: My shoes are on the roof again
Salim: [closes the door]
Zain: can I have a cookie?
Jason: what did Salim say?
Zain: he said no
Jason: so why would I say yes?
Zain: because he’s not the boss of you
Jason, already taking out the cookie jar: you can have two
Salim: So.
Salim: I'm in love.
Salim: with Jason.
Salim: I'm in love with Jason.
Nick:
Nick: Our Jason?
Salim: Yes?
Salim: . . .thoughts?
Nick: And prayers.
Nick: so… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Salim recently.
Jason: no, Nicky, its not what it looks like, I swear.
Nick: oh really? so no reason for me to be jealous?
Jason: no! you’re the only one for me.
Nick: is that so?
Jason: i promise! Salim and I are just dating, okay? He’s my boyfriend.
Nick: so there are no best-friends-feelings involved?
Jason: you are still my one and only best friend! He’s just the love of my life, nothing more!
Nick: but I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?
Jason: of course bro!
Nick: bro...
Salim: what the-
Salim, whose first language isn’t English: Hello! I’m sorry if my English isn’t very good.
Jason, whose first language is English: Hte fuckign.