Jokes - Blog Posts
Sirius: AND IM ALIVE SILLY SIRIUS :D
You're dead serious. I'm alive silly. We're not the same
Bald reggie >>>>>
why does your regulus have longer hair regulus should only have short hair
I got u babe xoxo
“Hello, my name’s Garry, I’ll be your music instructor.”
“Okay, cool, name’s Cassy.”
Ever seen the show “Impractical Jokers”?
Well this was inspired by said show
That’s… all there really is to say on the matter.
The characters themselves in this comic are my originals, names and all
The difference between having a cat and a dog.
Are you a dog or a cat person?
ppfttt
Why on earth does Jack have the same energy as Tommy and Tubbo
mcyum you know you just covered yourself in Tommy's food
Martin, you made a great sacrifice o7
Seeing 2 unrelated big blogs argue it out like what is this Godzilla vs. King Kong?
I feel like this could happen in Michigan as well (tiny farms with serious farmers driving Fords [and others] from the last millennia)
Vermont farmer was fixing the fence on his half acre when a Texan rolls by and stops. He rolls down the window and says " Hey there, how much land you got here? " Farmer says " half acre" Texan says " Do you know that I can drive my truck all day on my ranch and not even make it half way across? Farmer says " yep, I had a truck just like that "
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a juggler perform in the street
The juggler notices the four men have a poor view of the show, so he stands on a crate so they may get a better view. He then asks them if they can now see the show. They reply
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja
you’re not the dumbest person I know.
But you better hope he doesn’t die.
Me: The earth isn’t flat!
fiat earther: correct
me: huh?
fiat earther: it’s the shape of an Italian car
me: what?
fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?
President Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
“Hello, Mr. Putin!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Cork, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”
“Well, Paddy,” Putin replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”
“Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is meself, me cousin Seán, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!”
Putin paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.”
“Begoora!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr. Putin, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be Paddy?” Putin asks.
“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”
Putin sighs amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 60,000 tanks and 50,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 1,500,000 since we last spoke.”
“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Mr. Putin, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”
Putin was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1000 bombers and 2000 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 2,000,000!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Good mornin’, Mr. Putin! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”
“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Putin. “Why the sudden change of heart?”
“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no way we can feed 2,000,000 prisoners.”
I feel like people all around the world are lining up to kill him
A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow.
After an hour he loses his patience and yells ‘Putin is to blame for this I’m going to the Kremlin and kill him!’
30 minutes later he’s back in line at the ATM. 'Why are you here again?’ 'The line in front of the Kremlin is twice as long as this one…’
A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive
“Well”, said Tim Cook, “that’s because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!”
“Then why are Androids so much cheaper?”, asked the journalist.
“Because,” said Tim Cook, “an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone.”
Attack for Comink!
Can you feel the “Can I speak to your manager?” energy this picture radiates
Throwback Thursday video we made on a Friday morning
Turning Hannibal into cats day one
Getting called evil but never ugly
@elvis-official
This absolutely sent me