I finally figured out the links thing and feel like a born again idiot lmao. I’ll try and keep this updated as it progresses!
PART 1
https://morsartis.tumblr.com/post/637540536742543360/lights-part-1
PART 2
https://morsartis.tumblr.com/post/637560034518302720/lights-part-2
PART 3
https://morsartis.tumblr.com/post/639353903581888512/lights-part-3
PART 4
https://morsartis.tumblr.com/post/670139166780260352/lights-part-4
There’s a pleasant warmth curled around you and the heaviness of the comforter that’s got you feeling like a very loved burrito makes it hard to open your eyes. You’re struggling to not keep blinking continuously but its a difficult task, you’re warm, you’re comfortable, and you’ve got no where to be. The arm wrapped around your stomach drags you closer as your eyes sag closed-
You’re wide awake in an instant. Heart hammering and lungs seizing as you go absolutely rigid. You don’t invite people into your house anymore, especially not into your bed, those are your sacred little spaces that you crawl into to feel secure. But you can feel the person- sleep heavy- curled along your back in an awkward spooning position with an arm and leg thrown over you. Warm breath tickling the back of your neck that suddenly feels too exposed. You’re too exposed and there is someone in your bed and you can’t breathe and-
The leg that was thrown over you is removed and there are hands dragging you upright and a vaguely familiar voice murmuring something close enough to your face you can feel the puffs of air each word makes. It’s not until hands are cupping your jaw and the words level out into a constant soothing hush of consolation that you finally realize who’s kneeling over your lap and looking lost and upset. Polypa’s eyes are wide with worry as her voice seizes up and relaxes against the chattering cicada noise that wants to come out. She settles for a stream of constant shushing noises that buzz just a bit the closer to panic she comes. She’s never seen you like this. Never seen or realized exactly how messed up Alternia had left you. It claws at her mind and whispers the horrible thought of failing as a moirail that she never noticed. That she never pried even when you seemed just fine. She should have. She should know exactly what’s keeping you up at night and what sends you into a blind panic. Polypa should have known where you lived too. As a moirail these were basic things that helped build the foundation of a stable diamond. The fact she didn’t have the faintest clue about any of it was enough for olive tinted tears to well up in the corners of her eyes. After everything you had simply fallen off the map, complete radio silence, Polypa had looked everywhere for you. The mall was the last place she ever thought to bump into you and the elation she had felt had been short lived at the absolutely shattered look in your eyes. The way you had simply crumbled at the slightest gentle touch had felt like a sucker punch to the gut.
“It’s alright, it’s going to be alright, just breathe for me.” You took in a stuttering breath following along to the gentle breathing that Polypa was trying to coach you into. You were safe, you were home, you were in bed, and Polypa had spent the night after the most intense and dissociative feelings jam of your life. It was fine. Slowly you began to calm down. The two of you would need to have that talk you’d been dreading. The one where you had to tell her everything and wait for her to decide whether she was going to sign up for dealing with your bullshit or throw herself out the window to get as far away from your flaming dumpster fire as she could. For a moment you debated lying out your ass and saying you’ve just been having a horrible week and leaving it at that. The thought was abandoned as quickly as it formed. Polypa’s eyes were earnest and bordering desperate. She wanted- and by extension needed- to hear the truth. No matter how much it’d feel like pulling teeth.
“We need to talk.” You finally sighed out, shoulders slumping as the fight left you. She tensed and you realized how bad that probably sounded. “It- Its- Hey, Polypa, its not... Well okay its bad but- just let me explain?” Preferably in the kitchen where you could sit at the table and talk this out like rational adults. Even if you felt like a frightened preteen about to spill their guts for the first time. It took a few more reassurances that you were more or less okay and that you weren’t about to kick her out to get her to let you up. From there you grabbed some drinks from your fridge and took a seat at the little kitchen table you had set up. Polypa drummed her claws along the can of soda you’d handed her- a nervous tick you’d adopted from her long ago. You weren’t sure where to even start with this. A confession of how pale you still were for her? Word vomit about the time just before landing on Alternia? Or straight to the chase? Running a hand through your hair as your foot bounced nervously you took a deep breath.
“When...” You had to clear your throat past the lump in it, “When I first landed on Alternia... I-,” A shuddering breath left you and you had to close your eyes for a moment to keep from bursting into tears. To keep from becoming an incoherent babbling mess. It took Polypa’s hand covering one of your own to get back what little composure you had.
“You don’t have to tell me everything now.” She offered in the silence as you tried to collect your words again. Tempted as you were to take her up on that you knew she deserved to know.
“When I first landed on Alternia there was something wrong with me. I knew something was wrong but for the life of me couldn’t figure out what it might be. So I pushed it aside for the thrill of making friends. Of meeting new people. It wasn’t until I left that I finally realized what happened. What was wrong...” She was staring at you with such rapt attention you felt like a bug pinned to a cork board. “I was... It- I- shit... Everything that happened on Alternia felt fake, like I was some chess piece on a board waiting for someone to make a move. A pawn. And I... I was. I was a pawn. The man... The-,” Your fists clenched at the memory, “Doc fucking Scratch.” You barked out venomously teeth grinding with the force of it. It was the first time you’d allowed yourself to say his name. To speak it into existence. For once you weren’t afraid it’d bring him down upon you like a swarm of locusts. No, for once you wanted to wrap your hands around that puppet’s felt fucking neck and squeeze. Sucking in a deep breath you continued on. “He fucked with my mind Polypa. I was a backseat passenger to a shit show I had no control over. Everything I ever did was mapped out and if I made a wrong choice? I wound up in a groundhog style remake of that moment until I made the correct decision. I died Polypa, I remember every death- every bad ending- every time I had to stare down at one of my friends and know that I killed them! And then I’d blink and I’d be back where I started staring down at the choices I was allowed to make and praying I’d get it right this time. He took all my words and twisted them to fit his narrative. I was there to make the right friends and then be tossed aside when there was no use for me. And when he plucked me out of the narrative again and gave me back my at least some of my mind I fucking spiraled. I went about making more friends because I couldn’t do anything else. Because that fucker took my memories from me so that I would continue in a loop until it killed me. And when I finally snapped out of it I tore everything to shreds to get to him. I destroyed entire timelines just so I could burn everything that pompous bastard held dear to the ground. And I succeeded. At least partially... The next time I woke up I was sleeping in a motel room in some place I’d never even heard of. I found a job and I scraped up enough to get a decent place, I knew that everyone was still out there. I did. I just couldn’t bring myself to play the game again. Even if it was all in my head.” Tears were dripping off the tip of your nose as you stared down at your fist and Polypa’s hand still placed over yours. It took her choking out your name for you to finally look her in the face. Olive tears were streaming down her cheeks and she looked miserable. Like you had ripped the heart from her chest and stomped it into the dirt.
“Everything you did was against your will?” Her voice was so small and for a moment you almost agreed. But that wasn’t what she was really asking. Reaching out you took her hands in yours and squeezed as tightly as you could.
“The time we spent together was the closest I ever got to being myself. If it’s one thing I’d do over and over and over again it would be becoming your moirail. Never doubt that Polypa. Never.” A small keen left her lips and then you suddenly found yourself with a lap full of blubbering troll. Her claws were digging through the shirt you wore as her arms squeezed you like a vice. Words practically unintelligible and at least mostly in Alternian bubbled out of her in a tormented jumble. More tears gathered in your eyes as you cradled her close and started crying in earnest. You had your moirail back, of her own choice, and the dam you’d kept everything behind finally burst.
Okay so this is gonna be a quick and dirty guide until I solidify what the hell I’m doing with this.
So this is set on an alternate Earth to Earth C. Earth C never came to be in this timeline. While trolls and humans live in relative peace together its implied that Alternia still exists and travel between the two worlds is fairly common. I may explore this more as the series progresses but maybe not. Depends on how it goes. The series is focused on MSPAR’s trauma regarding the games. I took liberty with this, in my version MSPAR was under heavy mind control but vaguely able to recognize something was Wrong and that They Wouldn’t Act Like This freely. When Doc Scratch snaps them out of it the reader is left with the memories and the violation. MSPAR is dealing with the fallout of it all alone, they are aware of their ‘friends’ being nearby but refuse to make the first move. This series is less of the reader jumping onto the “friends!!” bandwagon and more of their former friends tentatively reaching out. All of this will be coded as platonic but you can read a romantic subtext to it if you’d like. I may explore the romantic aspects later on but that will be its own thing.
This whole thing started with Boldir Lamati and I’m gonna go for gold and try to do everyone. Some characters will get reoccurring scenes or multiple parts but again that depends on where this takes me. Once I figure out the links I will have a master post of the series but until then its just click on the Lightsverse tag and scroll. Sorry about that. Out of all the characters Polypa will be the most prevalent through the series because one- I love her and two- the exploration of moiraillegiance is my jam. So there’s that.
As always I will end this with the usual: My askbox is open forever so if there are requests, questions, or general bullfuckery feel free to absolutely light it up.
To anyone that actually cares. First of all I’m blown away by how many people actually enjoyed my homestuck stuff??? And on that note!
Everything set in my Boldir x Reader timeline will now be referred to as Lightsverse. or just Lights. I’m gonna update tags and the titles by the end of next week possibly. I will explain more about Lightsverse in another upcoming post that will be regularly updated as I add more stuff to it. This is just a heads up so no one is confused! Thank you all who read this announcement and to those that have been reading my little stories!
It’s been a few months since your encounter with Boldir, you won’t say ‘chance’ because it had been arranged, and you’ve been simply continuing with your life. As it turns out Boldir lives in a little apartment downtown not too far from the bakery you frequent. She’d seen you going there and recognized you, apparently it was Mallek and Dirk’s cyberstalking that led her to seek you out officially. You aren’t sure if you should feel grateful for their paranoia and less than morally applaudable methods bringing Boldir back into your life. It’s not as if you’re happy those two are stalking you but you are happy to have a friend back. It sits on the back burner of things you worry about- not so much a pressing thought as a pop up.
The two of you have slowly been getting to know each other again. Outside of his control you aren’t the same person that Boldir was familiar with, and even she has changed outside of Alternia’s influence. Some things remain unchanging, such as her fashion sense and love of conspiracies but its noticeably not driven by a need to survive. She’s more relaxed. Though there will always be that part of both of you that is still on guard against threats. That’s willing to do the morally dubious to survive. It’s an unspoken acknowledgement between the two of you. There’s blood strewn between you from what you’ve both done in Alternia’s harsh nights to sleep through another harsher day. You don’t think any one of your neighbors or any manner of people you’ve interacted with understand it the same way Boldir does. Or any of your old friends do. You know that no one would suspect you capable of half the things you did. Some nights you still wake up with horror numbing your body and terror screaming at you to move. Those are the nights you make yourself something strong to wake up to and settle in for feeling like shit through the entirety of the day. To say you’re working through it is a hopeful mantra. You hope that there will be a day these feelings will be but a distant memory. As it is you’re wide awake and nursing a coffee like it’ll burn your unsavory memories away with enough exposure. You’d decided to go to the mall today since you hadn’t been in some time. Mostly you were just looking for a way to kill time. Sitting on a bench watching the other mall goers flit about you were starting to regret your decision. Everything here was just making you feel worse and even more exposed. What you wanted to do was crawl your way under your blankets and stay there. Getting up you tossed your drink into the nearest trashcan and went looking for the right exit. You had to pass one of the little mall theatres and suddenly stopped. Now wasn’t the time to miss her. And yet you were frozen remembering the taste of popcorn and the comforting darkness as the credits rolled. Of her hand in yours. It had been a while since you had an episode so bad you missed Polypa like one might miss a limb. The breath you took rattled through you thinly and you knew you had to get out of there before you got any worse. It took a conscious effort not to break out into a dead run. Instead you were walking briskly, eyes glued to your own feet, as you rushed towards the exit. You tried hard not to bump into anyone but even so you still managed to do it. Just a clipping of shoulders and elbows. Head shooting up you went to apologize only for the air to leave your lungs entirely.
She looked wonderful, black cargo shorts and her signature tank top. The chip in her horn was still there but it wasn’t the jagged wound of your memories- instead it looked tended to. The edges softened to keep it from being so glaringly obvious. Her hair was still the messy black you came to appreciate but this time it had a sort of neatness to it. Polypa looked right at home. Tongue tied you could only stare with wide and disbelieving eyes. There was movement out of the corner of your eye- slow and deliberate- but you only had eyes for your moirail. Or rather, former moirail. A hand carefully hovered near your cheek and you could feel the tears stinging against the corners of your eyes. Her lips pulled taut into a thin line and her hand pressed firmly against your jaw. Then her other hand came up to do the same. There was the rustle of plastic and you were vaguely aware of the bag dangling from her arm as her hands cupped your face. As she took a small step closer.
“Polypa?” Your voice cracked and you shut your mouth with a click of teeth. She wasn’t your moirail anymore. She wasn’t. It didn’t make you want to collapse against her any less. The harsh lines of her brows seemed to soften at that as she carefully guided you closer and you had to wonder exactly how pitiful you must have looked.
“Where’s your scuttlebuggy?” She asked quietly. Your shoulders trembled.
“I walked.” The walk had seemed like a good idea at the time. A way to clear your head. Now it seemed like the worst decision you ever made.
“Okay.” She was wrapping an arm around you so tightly you were forced to walk pressed flush against her side. A protest bubbled up your throat and promptly died on your tongue when you saw the few trolls scattered about blatantly staring. Against you Polypa’s chest rumbled with the hint of a warning growl. You were reminded of all the times you’d been in a similar situation back on Alternia, though those times you’d been the one doing the comforting. Had Polypa ever been given the chance to return the favor? There was that first time but you’d been so out of it he’d stolen your words and warped them to fit the narrative. The realization helped sober you just a bit. This was the first time she was seeing you break. The real you. Your entire body shuddered as the realization settled into your mind. This was it. If Polypa didn’t like what she saw it was over. The comforting memories of the two of you together would be overshadowed by this. This simple but momentous moment. Your tears were finally getting to the point of blurring your vision as the two of you exited the mall. She was warm, you thought to yourself, not the same warmth a human would give off but warmer than you remembered. And she was still tugging you along pressed tight and held firmly in her grip. How the two of you managed to walk all the way back to your house you weren’t sure. It seemed as if one minute you were walking away from the mall and the next minute Polypa was taking your house key out of your fumbling fingers to open the door herself. Again you could feel a protest bubbling up. A warning that she had to leave now because you couldn’t handle it if all this amounted to was you getting your hopes up. As she shut and locked your door behind you both the words stilled in waiting on your lips.
Why had she locked your door?
“Force of habit, come here.” She replied forcefully, you hadn’t even realized you’d asked her that out loud. As Polypa gathered you back up close again she took in your little home. It wasn’t much of course. Just what you’d managed to scrape up and get when you started out here, but it was nothing to be ashamed of. With a careful precision she walked you through the house and straight into your room. In moments you were being sat on your bed as Polypa knelt down to unlace your shoes for you. The action had you feeling rubbed raw. Fresh tears spilled down your cheeks as she carefully pulled off your shoes and set them aside. Her face was impossibly soft as she looked up at you.
“Is this okay?” There was something raw in the way her voice just barely trembled. As if this was just as meaningful to her as it was to you. With a choked sob all you could do was nod. She was careful as she crawled onto your bed with you- kicking off her own shoes as she went. There were the beginnings of translucent olive colored tears in her eyes. A desperation you felt just as keenly mirrored in her actions.
It broke what little restrain you had as the agony of it all overwhelmed you.
“I missed you.” She whispered as you laid barely awake and hollowed out curled up close and warm against each other. You squeezed her with what little strength you could muster, voice long gone from your feelings jam. Me too, you wanted to say. A few more tears tracked down your face as Polypa settled in closer. You two still had so much more to talk about. To discuss. To figure out. But it could wait. As you finally drifted off into a well deserved sleep you knew she’d be there when you woke up. It was the first time you slept like the dead since coming here.
There was nothing quite like going for a random walk. The urge hadn’t hit you for a very long time- so long in fact a small tremor of fear shot through you. It couldn’t be him. He’d been destroyed with the creation of the new worlds and the new timeline. Simply put, there wasn’t a way for him to reach through the ever calling void to pluck your strings. But for a moment you were reminded of your time on Alternia. You’d traversed that planet in a mind controlled haze and it was an experience that left you shaken. One you never wished to experience again. So when the urge to get up and go somewhere hit you it had taken you an embarrassingly long time to calm your racing heart. It was an ordinary urge, one that didn’t mean you were back under his control. Still, you were anxious as you stepped out of your front door. Your little corner of the world wasn’t all that exciting. A welcome reprieve from the constant action Alternia had given you. As it was, the neighborhood was as calm as any other day. Afternoon sunlight filtered over the houses and across the sidewalks giving everything a warm feeling. There was no reason for your anxiety. Even so, you took careful steps. You weren’t interested in making friends this time around. Just going for a simple walk. Your coat kept the autumn chill off and you were happy about your sturdy boots. Both had cost you pretty penny but the price had been well worth the quality. It also helped that they looked damn good on you.
It took less time than you remembered to reach downtown. Everything a steady stream of people and activity. People were no doubt doing last minute shopping. You wandered down the streets with no particular destination in mind. There was a little hole in the wall coffee shop not too far away that you liked to frequent. They had some of the best drinks and their prices didn’t leave your wallet openly weeping. Then there was the bakery not too far away that had the best donuts you’d ever had. Among all the shops there was plenty to choose from that you’d enjoy. You decided to go to the coffee shop first. The darker lighting and overstuffed armchairs hidden in the corners were exactly what would set your mind at ease. They had no bell to alert them to customers- music soft but unmistakable floated through the air. That wonderful coffee smell permeated the building and it took little time for the barista to get your drink made and hand it to you. Dropping a tip into the tip jar you took your drink and sat in the furthest arm chair you could find from the door and the drink station. As far as anyone was concerned you were simply part of the backdrop. Pulling out your phone you scroll through the latest news feeds and try not to lose your will to live. Things will always keep happening and quite frankly you aren’t sure how much you can take anymore. Or rather, what was that popular quote? Something about drawing a line somewhere and looking deep inside of yourself for what you’re willing to put up with today. Either way it isn’t this shit.
You’re so engrossed in the latest bullshit your country is spouting you almost don’t notice the new occupant of the coffee shop. Almost. Too many years being on a hair-trigger of flight or fight have engrained a deep sense of your surroundings. Even if they hadn’t you’d recognize this particular customer anywhere. Her hat is pulled low over her face and her steps purposely soundless. You both know that the barista and the other customers haven’t noticed her. There is only the steady swish of her coat as she walks and even that is drowned out by the music. You look down at your phone and watch her out of your peripherals. She takes a seat across from you as silent as a phantom which is just the way she likes it. You both know that you’ve seen each other. She makes no move to talk and neither do you. If she sought you out then that means there’s a problem. None of your other friends had reached out to you and while you hadn’t attempted to hide you made no move to reach out first. It would be a long time before you felt secure enough to reach out first in your friendships again.
“He’s gone.” She says barely a whisper. You bob your head in a nod. Its a statement not a question. “I’ve managed to keep tabs on all of our mutual acquaintances.”
“I expected nothing less from you.”
“Adalov has been cyberstalking you.” That makes you glance up. There’s the barest hint of an amused smile on her lips. You raise a brow for her to continue. You weren’t completely unaware but if Boldir is bringing it up then its more significant than you gave credit for.
“He’s been methodically going through every scrap of information about you he can get his claws on.” She pauses to take your drink from you and take a sip, you let her because despite everything you still consider her a friend. You’re pretty sure she knows this too. “He started out doing so of his own volition, however, I believe an acquaintance of yours- Dirk Strider- is also cyberstalking you. Adalov has taken note of that and started stalking him as well-,”
“Which in turn means Dirk is stalking him.” That almost makes you laugh, the two of them stalking each other to see what the other is up to is just the type of Spy vs Spy bullshit that only leads to further shenanigans. Even Boldir has a look that says she thinks its equally as amusing. The two of you sit in a momentary silence. A comforting thing you’d almost forgot to miss. Now it settles around you like a warm blanket. Taking your drink back from Boldir you take a sip.
“I have a feeling Adalov and Strider will try and contact you at some point soon. I thought...” She hesitates for a moment- eyes darting, “I thought I should warn you so that you aren’t caught by surprise. I know the control he had over you has made you wary.”
“Boldir... I may not have reached out but that doesn’t mean I’ve missed you any less. I can’t bring myself to be the first to reach out. Not after... Everything that happened on Alternia. But I’d never turn away a friend.” You reached across the little table to hold her hand. Her claws dig into your skin with how hard she grips it back and you watch the way she relaxes. It’s almost enough to break your heart.
“Would you like to go on a walk with me?” She asks, voice uncharacteristically fragile. You smile as you stand up with your drink.
“I’d love to.”