Lightwood - Blog Posts
Gabriel: Has anyone seen my wife?
Stranger: What does she look like?
Gabriel: Well, she has black ha-
Cecily, from a tree: BEAUTIFUL
*after a few dates with Cecily*
Gabriel: Gid, what do you think of Cecily?
Gideon: I think you should marry her, brother!
*later that day*
Gabriel: Well, I don’t know if I’ll regret this sooner or later, but I followed your advice and now I’m engaged to Will.
Christopher: I can’t believe that Britain is 1903 years old!
Matthew: You idiot, that’s how old Earth is
James: No way! :O
Matthew: I can’t believe you two didn’t know that!
Thomas, about to cry: They’re so fucking stupid
Christopher: I almost got surprise adopted yesterday
Thomas: What?
Matthew: He almost got kidnapped
Thomas: Oh, okay
Thomas: WAIT WHAT
Gideon at 2 am: Sophie, wake up so we can discuss our love for each other
Sophie: By the angel, I love you so much!
vs.
Tessa at 2 am: Will, if you want to discuss how to exterminate all ducks on earth for good I’m leaving you.
Belial: I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!
Thomas:
Matthew:
James:
Christopher, disturbed: … you eat pieces of shit?
Sophie: I keep a portrait of Gid in my purse.
Gideon: Really? I have a portrait of you in my wallet!
Tessa: Aww, that’s cute. Will keeps a portrait of Jem.
Will: He’s just so damn beautiful.
Thomas: I want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Matthew: Okay, but in my defense, James bet me 3 pounds that I couldn’t drink all the shampoo
Thomas: That’s not what I wanted to-
Thomas: You drank SHAMPOO?
[TLH Group Chat]
Lucie: Hey guys, if you post your password in the groupchat it’ll block out!
Lucie: *******
Lucie: See?
Cordelia: That’s so cool!
Cordelia: *****
Matthew: heronchild4ever69
Matthew:
[Matthew has left the chat]
Simon: Hey, what is your greatest fear?
Alec: Losing a loved one
Simon: That’s deep…
Simon: … mine is the kool aid man, but I feel kinda stupid about it now
Gabriel: Did you know you stole something from me when we met yesterday?
Cecily: Sorry, I’ll return your wallet.
Gabriel: You stole my hea- wait, you did what?
At a restaurant
Cecily: Hey, are you single?
Gabriel, blushing: Y- Yes, I am.
Cecily: [takes away the extra chair in front of him]
Cecily: Thanks
Christopher: I’m scared
Gabriel: Your mom said to go to bed.
Christopher: But there’s a monster under my bed!
Gabriel: Is it scarier than your mom?
Christopher:
Christopher: *goes back to bed*
The Merry Thieves: [searching the beach]
James: Sorry guys, looks like there’s no sand dollars left
Christopher: Can’t the ocean just make more of them?
Matthew: And cause inflation? Destroy the sand economy? By the angel, Christopher, use your head.
*When Gabriel and Cecily first meet*
Cecily: You have no idea what I’m capable of.
Gabriel: Don’t take it personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.
[Later]
Gabriel: You’re the scariest cupcake I’ve ever met.
Will and Gabriel: *running up to each other* *doing a really long complicated handshake*
Will, deadpan: I’ve never met someone weaker or uglier than you.
Gabriel: You’re so annoying. I hate you so much.
Will: Is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing or highjacking?
Gabriel: No, it’s called weedwhacking.
Jem: No, it’s called disappointing your mother.
Matthew: *looks over at James* Poke
James: *without looking up from his book* Poke
Matthew: Poke *pokes James on his cheek*
James: Poke *pokes Matthew on the arm*
Matthew: Poke!
James: Poke!
Matthew: POKE
James: POKE
*a poke war ensues that somehow ends up on the floor with Christopher on top thinking it was a hug party*
Thomas:
Thomas: WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW???
Gabriel: [faints]
Will: He’s not responding to painful stimuli.
Tessa: Stabbing someone in the foot over and over doesn’t make you a doctor.
For those of you who don't already know, the model and actress Ruby Rose is the living impersonation of one Anna Lightwood and if you don't agree I am ready to throw hands