Mary: if you could kiss any woman in the world feet, who would you choose?
Marlene: my beautiful girlfriend, Dorcas
Mary: that don’t count you do that anyway
Marlene: [with no hesitation] Euphemia Potter.
James: REALLY??
Remus: [drunk at a random muggle bar] oh my best friend, Sirius, his parents were abusive so he hated violence. Anything that would hurt people, too.
Random woman at the bar: where is Sirius tonight?
Remus: oh, he’s in prison for murdering our best friend
Remus: kinda wish he left a note, yk?
Peter: do you truly think so little of me?
James, Lily, Marlene, Sirius, Remus, Mary: Peter, I thought the world of you.
Remus: he’d like me better if I wasn’t a “bitch”, I’d like him better if he wasn’t 5’9
Lily: I mean you’re both at a loss
Mary: But who’s actually gonna recover from this?
Marlene: Remus.
James: do you ever think that-
Remus: he doesn’t think
Sirius: uh. I do-
James: okay imagine that you did-
My new favourite headcanon that I made up, last night when I was supposed to be sleeping:
It’s that Pete made up all the marauders nicknames while he was high and the conversation went a little something like..
Remus: Pete how much did you have?
Pete: [very clearly high out of his mind] .. ‘othing.
Sirius: oh you’re absolutely wasted
Pete: nuhhh..
James: cmon Pete, let’s get you to bed
Pete: no!!.. you heard did ya?
James: sorry?
Pete: that people make nicknames.. like moonguy over there.. [lazily points his hand over to Remus’ direction]
James & Sirius: [laughing] moonguy??
Remus: oh my god.
Pete: I mean y’all.. don’t talk
Sirius: ..we can’t talk..?
Pete: yea.. you- have pads on your feet.. so you- *gags*
James: oh Padfoot come help me bring him to the bathroom *smirks*
Sirius: ..I hate you
Remus: Not so funny anymore is it?
Pete: oka.. moon..y
Sirius: ..moony..!
James: I like Moony better
Remus: I hate you all.
Sirius: *blows a kiss to Remus*
James: *helping Peter get to the bathroom*
Pete: why..?
Prongs: pardon?
Sirius: what’s he saying?
James: uhh, I don’t know
Pete: you have no..
James: who? ..Me or Sirius?
Pete: both.. you
James: what don’t I have?
Pete: noo uhh. no, no collar-
Pete: I see deers with collars in zoos..
James: well I don’t want to wear a collar, that’s for wild deer
Sirius: *walks in*
Pete: you should get a.. met.. ual one..
James: metal?
Sirius: a what?
Pete: Like a..
Sirius: a metal collar? What like a prongs? Aren’t they for dogs..-
Pete: prongs..! *hugs James*
Sirius: oh! Ha Prongs!! *hugs Pete & James*
Remus: huh?
Sirius: Pete came up with another nickname!
Remus: Hold up we’re not actually gonna use them? Are we??
Sirius: of course we are.. Moony
Remus: I hate you
James: *says from the bathroom* So Remus is Moony, Sirius is Padfoot and, apparently, I’m Prongs.
Remus: what’s Peter going to be?
James: well his Animagus is a rat so we can make something out of that-
Sirius: ..rattail..!
Remus: rat’s tails look like worms kinda.. or maybe-
Sirius: wormtail!!
Pete: nuh.. uh. *still over in the toilet*
James: it’s perfect.
And that’s how they got their nicknames, thank you for listening
Harry: i grew up with a lesbian mother and a bisexual father, both of which have a wife and husband so I didn’t know straight people existed until I was like 6
Ron: [is confused on who has a wife and who has a husband] Hold up, I’m confused say that again but slow
Luna: wait me too
Pansy: that’s the life every child deserves.
Remus: [texting Sirius] im out rn so I can’t listen. Is it important?
Sirius: nah just listen to the voice message later
Remus: alr
[later]
Remus: *open voice message*
Sirius: THERES A FIRE- PETE!! YOURE MAKING IT WORSE STOP- (!!)
James: *screaming in pain*
Marlene: *laughing*
Peter: *screaming in fear*
Pete: what would you wish for if you had three wishes from a genie, and you can’t wish for more wishes, more money or to bring people back from the dead
Pete: I’d wish for everytime I’ve ever wanted
Lily: ..okay, im feeling some undertones
Marlene: I’ve had some pretty bad wishes icl..
Remus: cause have you ever had a bad thought though, like ‘I wish I was dead’ or something?
James: or like you wish you could disappear?
Mary: exactly
Peter: ..no.
Sirius: I try to think positive..
Dorcas, Barty, Evan & Regulus: [who just wanted to stop by] . . .
“Even when we fade eventually to nothing, You will always be my favorite form of loving” but its Regulus to James
so I wanted to make a little thingy
It probably started when someone was flirting with Barty and he wanted to get away and went: “shit I got to.. go see” *tries to think of something, mind goes to James* “my boyfriend!” (??). Then he keeps it going for shits and giggles, and then he panics when ppl ask him about it cause he doesn’t know why he thought of James out of everyone
———————————
A Ravenclaw: *flirting with Barty* so crouch.. I heard a little rumour that you fancy people with brains..
Barty: [who would rather be anywhere but there]
Barry: uhhh.. yeah I do, did you know Gryffindors are quite smart too? Like uhhh.. James Potter, for example, like his my boyfriend yk? and all-
Ravenclaw: ..what?
Ravenclaw: Oh. That’s cool I just thought- ykw nvm.
Barty: yeah you didn’t know that? We’re dating
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Hufflepuff: so Barty..
Hufflepuff: [flutters eyelashes, smirks and puts hand on Barry’s thigh]
Hufflepuff: what do you do even Quidditch is on? Do you go back to your dorm.. because I could tag along..
Barty: no, I don’t. I actually uh, I normally go hang out with my.. boyfriend, James Potter. Yk the one who your team lost to? The captain and prefect? The one-
Hufflepuff: .. I’ll go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Doesn’t even make sense cause James would either be playing or watching all the games, but Barty wasn’t thinking)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marlene: Barty!
Barty: what?
Marlene: what is it I’m hearing ‘bout you and Jamie?
Barty: ..
Barty: uhh, where’d you hear that?
Marlene: I was near some Hufflepuffs and heard a mention of it
Barty: why you snooping near Hufflepuffs?
Marlene: don’t change the subject. What’s the deal?
Barty: I needed an excuse to get away from ppl so yk.. I used him as an excuse
Marlene: why James tho? Wouldn’t Evan be more useful, cause you see him daily
Barty: .. James was just the first person I thought of
Marlene: ..
Barty: I guess
Marlene: ..alright then-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dorcas: Barty.. why?
Barty: ‘why’ what? I didn’t even do anything!
Dorcas: Oh, so running around saying your dating, Potter? Is nothing?
Barty: you heard that did ya?
Dorcas: of course I did, I hear everything. May as well call me “Rita fucking Skeeter”
Barty: okay I did! People were annoying me and I just said “My boyfriend needed me” and just threw Potter’s name in there so people would shut up and leave me alone!
Barty: god do people ever stop and leave me alone? Stop asking me about it god!
Dorcas: ..
Dorcas: okay.. my bad then
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter: ..and then she ran into a wall and-
Sirius: I’ve done that before
James: I don’t doubt that
Remus: then what happened?
Peter: and then..
Marlene, Dorcas & Barty: [laughing in the corner]
Sirius: where did you come from? Planet Loser?
Regulus: as opposed to planet ‘Look At Me Look at me’?
Sirius: what did I do to be this short, like why do I deserve this??
Peter: maybe it’s revenge from something you did in a past life
Sirius: you think I did a crime in a past life?
Remus: you do crime in this life, you definitely did it in another
Sirius: ..
Sirius: I guess..
Peter: what crime do you think it would’ve been?
Lily: break and entry
Peter: murder
James: arson
Remus: aggravated assault
Marlene: he ain’t a pussy guys (!!)
Sirius: thank you Marlene! I cannot believe them-
Marlene: he definitely did them all
Sirius: …
Marlene: and probably more
Sirius: okay thanks let’s move on-
Lily potter is sitting in the corner, of her baby’s bedroom, by the door trying to calm and shush the both of them, while she hears James going down, because of Peter. She can hear Voldemort ordering Pete to go upstairs.
She knows she won’t live, she knows this is her last day. She suddenly thinks back to her sister, saying this, magic, would be the death of her. Oh god, she was right.
Peter opens the door and turns around to meet Pete’s eyes. (It’s Pete’s eyes, but it isn’t Pete.)
Then it clicks in Lily’s mind: he did it. He was the spy, the traitor, the one who killed Marlene. Suddenly she thinks;
She’s hiding in the corner of a room, sobbing trying to shush herself, she knows her family is dead, and she knows she won’t survive.
And now she knows how Marlene McKinnon felt, Now she knows how Joan of Arc felt.

“I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour. But heaven knows I'm miserable now”Regulus when he was with James, and after
“I was looking for a job, and then I found a job. And heaven knows I'm miserable now” Regulus getting his jobs with mr no nose
“In my life, Why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or die?” Being around the death eaters and the shady lord
“Two lovers entwined pass me by. And heaven knows I'm miserable now” Regulus when Jily got together
“I was looking for a job, and then I found a job. And heaven knows I'm miserable now” Regulus working with the death eaters and realising why they’re feared
“In my life, Oh, why do I give valuable time, to people who don't care if I live or die?” Regulus still caring about Sirius, even after Sirius cut all contact with him and their “family”
“What (s)he asked of me at the end of the day, Caligula would have blushed” James spoke to Regulus again, and Regulus was still in love with him
" “Oh, you've been in the house too long” she said, and I naturally fled” Pandora said she was worried about Regulus being in that house, the same time, which he was planning with the Horcruxes
“In my life, Why do I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?” Regulus to his “family”
“I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour. But heaven knows I'm miserable now” Regulus happy with his friends, and after knowing he was going to the cave
" “Oh, you've been in the house too long” she said. And I naturally fled” Regulus reciting what Pandora said to him months prior, and him finally leaving to go to the cave
“In my life, Oh, why do I give valuable time. To people who don't care if I live or die?”Regulus trying to trick himself into thinking no one cares about him, so he doesn’t feel so bad about leaving everyone
“ 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends “ but it’s Marlene McKinnon, James Potter and Lily Evans(Potter) about Peter Pettigrew.
Regulus writing in his pink glittery diary with a glitter gel pen: I am going to stop the dark Lord..
Sirius “stalks everyone” Black
Remus “hasn’t posted since 2016” Lupin
“Talking with my mother: She said, "Where'd you find this guy?" Said, "Some people fall in love, with the wrong people sometimes" But it’s James Potter talking with his mother about Regulus
“Mom would you wash my back this once?” But it’s James Potter crying on his knees on his mothers bed, crying for her to come and hold him
“You wouldn't leave till we loved in the morning. You'd learned from movies how love ought to be, and you'd say you love me and look in my eyes. But I know through mine you were, Looking in yours.” But it’s Regulus Black trying to figure out why James Potter likes him
“They'll never know how I'd stared at the dark in that room. With no thoughts, like a blood-sniffing shark. And while my dreams made music in the night, Carefully, I was going to live” but it’s Sirius Black leaving.
“Last words from a shooting star” but it’s actually the Black brothers.
“So, I don't blame you, if you want to bury me in your memory. I'm not the girl I ought to be, but maybe when you tell your friends, you can tell them what you saw in me. And not how I turned out to be” But it’s Regulus Black to James Potter.
“Your mother wouldn’t approve of how my mother raised me” but it’s the black family to their lovers.
Regulus “please don’t say you love me” black.
Siurus “please don’t say you love me” black.
Bellatrix “please don’t say you love me” black.
Andromeda “please don’t say you love me” black.
Narcissa “please don’t say you love me” black.
James Potter spends his day having breakfast with his lovely parents and they watch their favourite show together and have fun and look through all photos and they had sm fun thinking about the past and talking about the future. Then Marlene and Peter come and visit James and his parents and they talk about them childhood and their favourite memories. Marls and Pete give James his birthday present, its a collage filled of photos, glitter and stickers and filled with little notes and written backstory of what happened in each photo. Everyone cries because it’s so cute and it’s a lovely present. Then James goes off with Pete, while Marls goes off to do something “urgent”, to see Remus and Sirius. James, Remus, Sirius and Pete go to a lovely cafe and they get coffee and tea and they talk about everything and anything, they have fun and have loads of laughs, then Sirius brings out their present which us a box, colourfully decorated and inside is James’ favourite sweets, photos of James with the others, in his deer form and by himself and his favourite muggle bands and sports teams. Then they put a bandana over James’ eyes and then bring him somewhere.
When they take his bandana off his eyes he sees, all his friends (Sirius, Remus, Pete, Marls, Lils, Reg, Frank, Alice, Barty, Pandora ect ect.) and they all around a decorated beach house covered in fairy light and laughter. James partys, drinks, drags everyone to the dance floor, dances, laughs, jokes, blows out his candles and wishes everyone and everything would stay this happy forever.
James Potter who says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to anything even Alexa or Siri. James Potter who carry spiders and put them outside so they wouldn’t get killed. James Potter who would talk to any living thing (people, plants, animals). James Potter who would help anyone if they needed something or someone. James Potter who would compliment strangers for no reason. James Potter would was always willingly to give a helping hand. James Potter who would be every first years’ best friend, and would help them with homework, practice, how to get to places ect. James potter who was a sweetheart inside and out!!! James Potter would was know for his looks, brains, brawn AND his heart!!
Who is Wolfstar’s number 1 shipper? James.
Who was always plotting to get Wolfstar together? James.
Who was the person listening to them ramble about each other? James.
Who was the person who kept trying to be them together? James.
Who took the longest to approve of their relationship after they got together after the prank? James.